The Fifi Dangerfield Files

Merry Christmas!!!

2011-12-25T07:39:00.000+08:00

Changes...

2011-11-09T12:43:00.000+08:00

I'm so fucking bored with it all.

My life, my attitude, my blog.

So, I'm changing those things, and making the life I want.

I'll still be blogging here, about my personal crapola.....not that I have anything exciting to report in that area..... but if I do, you'll be the first to know.

Gonna put my energies into my new blog.

Still tweaking it and learning how to use Wordpress but should be up soon.

Can't wait for some new adventures.

I'm not connecting my new blog to this, as it's going to be available to friends and family as well as 'blog buddies' and strangers (and would DIE if my mum read all about my sex life!) so if you would like my new blog address, please email me at fifidangerfield@hotmail.com

Those of you following my new twitter account will have it there on my profile.

Catch you later...

xxx

Health Warning for Women

2011-11-07T20:13:00.000+08:00

If you don't eat Aussie meat...

... you're a mad cow.

(Ryan Kwanten - True Blood)

Has it come to this?

2011-11-05T15:04:00.001+08:00

My mother called a little while ago.

She'd just finished a conversation with my uncle (her brother), who suggested that -

1. it might help me out financially, and...

2. it would allow her to spend more time with her grand kids, if.....

...we moved in together.

I'm beyond words.....

Photos from my iPhone

2011-11-03T16:18:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to write home about so here's some random iphone snaps I've taken over the last couple of months. Most are using either Hipstamatic or Instagram (I'm still sussing them out). Byeeee...

Thought for the Day

2011-10-30T12:45:00.000+08:00

Living Vicariously - Conversations with my mother...

2011-10-28T12:23:00.000+08:00

So I took my Facebook profile down a couple of weeks ago.

No biggie, just having a FB break as spending a bit too much time stuffing around on there when I really need to be doing other things. Miss my buddies SO much (my gorgeous buddies who are interstate) but needed to just get some balance back...so I'm not there.

My mother noticed....eventually.

I mean ok, she's 75 and going a little bonkers and lately, because she can't stalk me on FB, she just seems to be sitting around making up 'stuff' about me in her head. Here's the latest.

Now, I'm positive I told her that I was de-activating FB for a while..but she never fucking listens so I'm not surprised she forgot.

She calls me a couple of weeks ago, on the Friday evening. I've just dropped the kids at the station, grabbed some ice cream and plonked myself down on the couch to watch a DVD when, like clockwork, she calls. Nothing important...just crapping on about the family etc.

I finally get off the phone and start watching the movie and an hour later the phone rings AGAIN. I know it's her. She's the only person who calls our home phone number. So, I don't answer it. Fuck that. Seriously, I've been working all week and I just want to be LEFT ALONE. That was the only time it rang.

Next day (Saturday) there are no calls. Saturday night, while I am at the movies, I notice several missed calls on my mobile, from my mum and her brother (the phone is on silent). I thought it might be an emergency so I call back.

"Oh my God Frankie, what's happening???!!!! Where are you, I was so worried about you. I thought you'd committed suicide!!!".

I AM NOT JOKING.

She was freaking out and beside herself. Apparently because I missed her calls on my kid free Friday and Saturday nights, I am not on Facebook and, apparently I told her I was broke the other week...I must have 'done something to myself'.

Now...don't get me wrong, I'm glad she cares about me but this is just too much. Who is this person? She doesn't know me at all. I realise it's a serious issue and sometimes there may not be 'warning signs' but really? Just because I don't answer on two occasions and I'm not on Facebook?

THEN.....

She calls me yesterday -

Mum - Frances .....(insert real surname here) what's going on? (in her most serious of serious voices)

Me - Ummmm?

Mum - What's really going on?

Me - OMG I have no idea what you are talking about.

Mum - Facebook. Why aren't you on there anymore? It's a man, isn't it?

Me - aaahhhh noooooo.

Mum - Oh it must be. Why else would you take your profile off? You are trying to stop yourself from putting status updates about your new man up there, like you did with BamBam and Nerd Guy and then getting all embarrassed when you break up.

Me - 1. I wasn't embarrassed. 2. Facebook isn't the real world mum!! I'm JUST-NOT-ON-FACEBOOK!!!!!

Mum - Yes ok (with a bemused smirk).

Jeezuz!!! I need to send a couple of Ninjas around there to burn her fucking Mills and Boon collection...

An ode to Miles Pappadum

2011-10-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

I vow before Christmas

To catch up with you.

There.

PS - no I will not be hooked up with some random from RSVP and be too busy.

PPS - I am NOT internet dating again until after Christmas... WORD.

PPPS - I am SO blacker than you....on the inside, my brother from another mother.

Seriously...

Monet's Garden

2011-10-11T13:48:00.003+08:00

T-Shirt Addicts Anonymous (T.A.A.)

2011-10-09T10:17:00.002+08:00

I have quite a severe t-shirt addiction. Retro T's in particular.

I know I'm not the only one.

C'mon guys....I know there's fellow addicts out there. Kek.....Liz?

Photos pleeeze!

Wandering....

2011-10-07T07:49:00.002+08:00

I'm wandering around a little lost at the moment. I don't like it. I like to have purpose and direction.

I guess I haven't had direction for a while, but other things have been distracting me from that fact. I also seem to have an almost crippling fear of decision making at the moment. Always fearing I will make the wrong one.

Have I always been like this? I don't think so. Or maybe I was just content to be me all those years and now I feel like I should be MORE.

Too many options, too many paths...

I decided last week to go down one path (study wise) and decided this week to go down another study path. My mind is always racing, my head is always spinning.

End result - NIL.

Fuck this for a joke, I need a Personal Thinking Assistant...

Thought for the Day

2011-10-03T16:40:00.000+08:00

skids to a halt

2011-09-30T12:52:00.003+08:00

Well fuck ME, that was one furious post break-up blogging frenzy (about mostly nuthin!).

I’m off for a vodka and a lie down.

Back when..ya know…something ACTUALLY happens…

It's not me, it's SCIENCE...

2011-09-29T07:20:00.005+08:00

What is it about a break up that makes you want to get drunk and flip the bird...

...flash your boobies...

...and flirt incessantly with the maintenance guy at work?

Well, I was watching my favourite tv show the other night and there IS a scientific explanation.

Please observe ...

Yup, that explains A LOT.

PS - it's the first ep of the new season of Big Bang Theory - The Skank Reflex Analysis, which hasn't aired in Oz yet, but it's worth the wait.

Sons of Anarchy

2011-09-27T13:29:00.006+08:00

mmmm...I can see his 'trail to adventure'

um......watch it.

*thanks Rae* (a fellow 'Jax' fan)

10 years on...and Catch up Vlog

2011-09-24T21:09:00.004+08:00

Well this was supposed to be a really awesome vlog about the 10 years I've been a single mum, but it just ended up being me rambling and playing with my hair a lot.

You get that....

A conversation with my mother

2011-09-23T08:02:00.003+08:00

I wish my mum had never joined Facebook, and I'm kicking myself for telling her to join. She stalks my profile every night and interrogates me later about things she just doesn't 'get'. Subsequently, I've stopped posting anything bloody interesting on my regular profile and had to start a separate 'Fifi' profile.

Another one who's regretting my mother's presence is my daughter. A 15 year old girl does not need her nanna stalking her either. I often get calls asking me to clarify something Alex has said or done online.

Below is a transcript of last night's call...

Mum: You didn't tell me Alex had a job.

Me: Ah, that's because she hasn't got a job.

Mum: Yes she has. She said on Facebook she has a job.

Me: Mum, I think I would know if my own daughter has a job!

Mum: Well maybe she doesn't tell you everything. Have a look at her profile. Up the top where it says 'Works at'.

Me: Ok, hang on....

Me: Ok.

Boobz...

2011-09-20T19:35:00.002+08:00

...I haz 'em

Single again....

2011-09-18T08:06:00.001+08:00

....and I'm more than fine with it. This break up started 4 weeks ago and my feelings for him evaporated not long after.

Not gonna talk details here, although some of you FB buddies already know. HIS issues, not mine.

Not going to waste any more energy on it.

NEXT!!!...

MUMisms

2011-09-16T10:35:00.000+08:00

My daughter is awesome, and growing up into such a beautiful young lady, both inside and out.

We don't get a lot of 'mummy/daughter' time these days. She's usually occupied with friends either in person on online. But we do get some special time.

Lately, more often than not, that time has been in the car on the way to school. It's a new thing. She used to walk to school, now she's turned into one of those lazy teenagers I used to hear about - but I don't mind.

It's our time, every weekday, when I can spout - Mumisms.

Topics covered include -

dating/boys/sex

makeup tips

skincare

clothing tips

updates on MY love life

healthy eating

the importance of a good education

when is she going to get a part time job...

Ok...I call it 'special time'..she calls it TRAPPED IN A CAR WITH MY FUCKING MOTHER.

I predict she will start walking to school again VERY soon...

2011-09-11T06:54:00.002+08:00

Happy Father's Day (Australia)

2011-09-04T06:00:00.001+08:00

No words required....

2011-08-23T19:39:00.002+08:00

x

2011-08-15T09:59:00.005+08:00

In a crazy, noisy room full of bellowing uncles, cackling aunts and screaming kids...

...he gently pushes my hair behind my ear and smiles down at me.

Bliss.

PS - shut UP

Awesomeness...

2011-08-03T14:59:00.003+08:00

White Sheep of the Family?

2011-07-28T20:45:00.004+08:00

I have pale skin and pale blue/grey eyes.....but I'm not 'white'.

I'm a first generation Australian of Sri Lankan descent.

I look just like my dad, he was from the U.S. He was 'white'. I am not.

People think I am. People think I am like them. But I'm not.

People think it's ok to make racist jokes in front of me. But it's not.

People are far too polite to make racist jokes in front of those of other colour or culture...those who are the butt of their jokes. But it's ok to make the jokes in front of their 'white mates'...like ME. They think it's not racist. But it IS.

So...to the guy at Kmart who makes fun of the Asian lady who speaks English with a strong accent - how many fucking languages do YOU know and how would you sound trying to speak something other than your native tongue?

To my ex brother in law who made condescending remarks about the table of Chinese people sitting in a Chinese restaurant, speaking.....CHINESE to each other...OMFG. If YOU were in another country with your family/friends....what language would YOU be speaking?

To the English migrant c*nts who lived next door to my cousins when they were growing up and spray painted "ASIANS GO HOME" on their driveway - You have no idea of the pain you caused two young kids who were BORN in Australia. The trauma you caused their mother, so much so, that she wouldn't let them outside in the sun in case they got 'too dark' and were made fun of even more.

I love this country, I was born here, bred here.... but sometimes I feel like I am suffocating. The racism is EVERYWHERE and at every level. I see it and FEEL it because you think I'm white.

But I'm not.

This post is dedicated to my beautiful cousin/godson Peter, who passed away one year ago today.

The kids and I miss you SO much xxx

The Return of RollerGirl?

2011-07-18T11:59:00.005+08:00

So I'm a skater from way back....or should I say WAS a skater. Actually I was only a skater for about 3 years, 1979 to 1981, but they were memorable years. Now, 30 years on I am attempting a comeback!

Seriously, I am totally obsessed with thoughts of skating again, to the point where I am dreaming about it.

It all started a few weeks ago when I went to the Rollerdrome with Ethan and Nerd Guy. Nerd Guy can skate. He's good. He was a speed skater. Number 1 son had a ball (see vid in previous post). I did not skate. I sat in the corner and watched, took photos, stuffed around on my iphone and surveyed the area for bogan threats... (assessment - Bogan Defcon - 4). But, I was quietly SPEWING. I wanted to be out there, but couldn't, due to dodginess of my lower back/sacrum from early this year. Serves me right for not doing my rehab. Not so much the skating part I was worried about, but the falling down part.

And then the dreams started...

See, the thing is - I thought I could still skate. I thought I was just gonna get up there, take off and whiz around with the wind in my hair and Lady Gaga in my ears, leaving all and sundry in my dust. It never occurred to me that actual skating would be the problem.

I started dreaming about skating, about about three times I think. And these were positive dreams, so it appears that even my subconscious had no idea how fucking unco' I'd become.

Ya see usually if you are worried about something you have one of those 'disaster dreams'. You know the ones. You have an exam the next day - you dream that your alarm doesn't go off and you miss it. You have a date the next day - you dream you sprout a massive zit on the end of your nose...

But, in my skating dreams I was totally fucking awesome. I'd whack on my skates and I was off...rolling like the wind. Nerd Guy featured in a couple of the dreams but in the last dream, during the couples skating song, a guest star made an appearance. It was Eric Dane ... McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy. SERIOUSLY. Oh we had such fun, skating around hand in hand. He'd occasionally flip around and skate backwards, gazing longingly into my eyes... but I digress...

So...yeah, really thinking I can skate at this stage. I just assumed it would be like riding a bike...a skill that would just kick in when needed.

I was wrong.

The other day (first day without rain for ages) I put my original skates on (apart from a change in wheels back in the 80's) and stepped out onto the front paving.

One step, chucked the splits, splat.

That's how far I got. That photo up top....not staged. I refused to get up until Ethan came out and took a photo of me (even in pain I was thinking of Facbook/Blog value). He had to help me up. I couldn't even stand up without losing it. He then DEMANDED I take my skates off. There was a genuine look of fear in his eyes. Not wanting to traumatise my baby boy, I obliged.

The next day at work I madly googled "skating lessons". My plan - to undertake secret, intense training and surprise Nerd Guy. I don't merely want to not fall down, I want to skate backwards, do clever shit. I wanna be good! It's also great, low impact cardio (again, if you do NOT fall down).

So that's the plan. Of course I'm crap at keeping secrets and divulged said cunning plan immediately to His Nerdness, who then offered to teach me himself. While a lovely, romantic gesture (visions of Robby Benson teaching that blind chick to skate in the movie 'Ice Castles' ...click here if you are too young to remember), there is no way I am looking like an absolute frikkin' r'tard in front of Nerd Guy and his friends.

No way.

I'm not.

I mean it.

Eric understands...

Friday Night Fun

2011-06-26T15:26:00.003+08:00

Ethan and Nerd Guy

VLOG - Interview with Nerd Guy on a Tuesday

2011-06-23T09:08:00.003+08:00

Testing out the vid on my new phone.

This is for ME and Nerd Guy....oh and my sister in Seattle (hey Donna this is HIM!!) The rest of you? Well it's gonna make you throw up in your mouth a little.

Don't say I didn't warn you...

46...

2011-06-18T11:45:00.008+08:00

So I turned 46 this week....Thursday actually.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about what to write. Should it be a retrospective on the last year? Maybe a comparison with where my life was this time last year? Should it simply be a snippet about what I did for my birthday? What to write....what to write....? I think I'm just gonna start typing and see what happens...

Nerd Guy has been really supportive of my writing....even though I haven't done any since March, (Yeah, he reads my blog....no, he's not a blogger.) Even now that I'm 'back' my posts are literally just snapshots of my life right now. I probably wouldn't have posted at all if not for him telling me "your friends need to know that you're happy now".

And I AM happy.

My life at the moment does not resemble in any way, shape or form, my life, this time last year. Quite frankly, most of the last 18 months has sucked MAJORLY. Oh, there were good bits, but the stress prior to those good bits, or resulting from those good bits far outweighed any 'good' at the time and the cumulative result left me pretty fucked up, both physically and emotionally.

I'm not gonna re-hash all the 'stuff', you can go back and read about it if you want, but it pretty much covered 5 of the top 10 'stressful' events in one's life - job loss, death of family member, moving house, relationship breakup and illness.

But, out of the blue, I found a way to deal with the stress (no...not drinking!), the last 18 months started to fade from thought, and I started to see only the good that has come out of it.

1. I have a permanent job, 15 minutes from home.

2. We live in a great house, in an awesome area.

3. I'm even closer to my extended family.

4. I've lost 10kg since this time last year (about 10 to go still...)

5. I'm no longer afraid of having a relationship...

... which is a good thing, 'cos then I met Nerd Guy.

He doesn't like that name, and I don't blame him. He's actually not a nerd at all. He's VERY cool. We like a lot of the same stuff. We like doing the same kinda things (our first date was ten pin bowling). Ok...now that I'm talking about HIM I might as well fill you in on the gos'....

We met on RSVP...yes! RSVP. And, to date, he seems relatively sane. We didn't realise we had so much in common right away, I just got a nice 'vibe' from his profile, but after a couple of emails we realised we had a heap of common interests...which always gives us something to talk about.

So....a bit about His Nerdness...

He's 43 in September, 6'1" and has lovely green eyes :o). His kids are same age as mine (two boys 12 and 15). He's been divorced nearly as long as me (hallelujah!) and lives only 15 minutes away. Hmm...what else? Oh, he was a graphic designer in advertising for many years and now he's in his final year of a Fine Art degree, majoring in photography. He also works part time as a carer...basically, he's pretty fucking awesome (and he thinks I say 'awesome' too much...).

Ok...enough about my ACTUAL FOR REAL LOVE LIFE...

Back to my birthday!

I ate way too much cake at work on Wednesday, then took Thursday and Friday off for a fabulous birthday, long weekend.

Thursday was 'girlfriend day' and I went to to the movies with a friend to see Hangover 2, had a haircut...just enjoyed not being at work. Nerd Guy popped round with his boys in the evening. It was a good birthday.

Friday was 'boyfriend day'. I spent around 5 hours, in bed, enjoying the view....

...ummmm yeah, there were some other things I was enjoying but this was the only photo he'd let me use (he has a strict 'no nudity' clause).

As for the rest of my birthday weekend...who gives a crap? I'm still back at 'boyfriend day'...

Weekends...

2011-06-12T15:26:00.002+08:00

...are awesome when shared.

Nerd Guy & Geek Girl

2011-06-07T07:18:00.004+08:00

Sooo....I've been spending a LOT of time with a certain guy lately.

He's just lovely.

I could prattle on about how he's tall and handsome and smart and artistic - but I won't.

I could also write a page or two about how HOT I am for him - but I won't.

However I WILL say that for the last couple of weeks I've been smiling WAY more than I have done for a very long time :o)

Here's some photos of what we've been up to...

Ciao!

Back!

2011-06-01T09:06:00.000+08:00

Thought for the Day

2011-04-21T23:58:00.005+08:00

Dear Man Flesh...

2011-03-29T21:14:00.007+08:00

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
My Man Proof Cave
Has no room for YOU.

PS - I am renovating though...call me later (555 - DATE-LESS)

Goddess 1932 - 2011

2011-03-23T22:08:00.002+08:00

RIP Elizabeth Taylor

VLOG - Jazz for Judes

2011-03-21T18:58:00.011+08:00

Ok...not really back. Just popping my head out of the cave for a minute as my friend Jude is having a hard time so thought I'd make her a vlog to cheer her up... (or make her stab herself in the ears with ice picks...whatever...). Thank you Ms Rickie Lee Jones.

(Kerry...I've got one for you too in a month or two when I get back to blogging and it involves......MADONNA..and no singing!)

Now, back to my bearskin rug.....

PS - I've lost 10kg since this time last year! (Fuck I'm good).

Back later ...

2011-03-06T17:12:00.003+08:00

Naked

2011-03-02T20:53:00.012+08:00

I'm not embarrassed by my indecision, or my highs and lows...

...my love, my fears, my shortcomings...

...my anger, my impatience, my heartbreak...

...my insecurities, my tears...

...my joy.

So, if you know me...you know ME...

And then you know...I'm gonna be just fine.

Stripped bare.

You should try it.

Fear

2011-03-01T06:46:00.020+08:00

So, even Starbuck struggles sometimes.

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday about FEAR. She asked me to think about what I am so afraid of.

Right now...I'm avoiding my feelings. I don't want to feel it. I don't want to feel ANYTHING.

I find myself not commenting on our mutual friends' Facebook statuses and even avoiding FB altogether, for fear of seeing his name pop up in the comments section and my email inbox.

I avoid reading blogs I know he visits because, again, I don't want to 'see' him. I don't want to have to see him go back to he way he was, before he was with me.

I am afraid of the fucking internet, because this is where we met, this is where we saw each other every day when we were apart.

But they are nothing compared to the rest of my fears.

I sway madly between days, moments, when I can almost pretend like he never existed...and I feel normal again...for a while.

But then I remember, and it hurts, and the fear comes back.

So, what are my fears? They are hard to talk about, because then they are real...and it's ALL real and I feel like I am waiting for that ultimate BIG hurt that hasn't even come yet. It's the big hurt, that I can't even talk about....that I am most afraid of. I desperately need a buffer to that pain.

I also fear that...

I did the wrong thing.

I will never love like that again.

No-one else will want me.

I will be alone for the rest of my life.

That one day, it will be like our love never even existed.

There... I said it.

EDIT - it's now 14th April...and I think I can truly say that I no longer have these fears. Go me!

VLOG - accents and regional dialects thingy

2011-02-26T12:48:00.002+08:00

So here's the Vlog. Apologies if this shows up 15 times in google reader. I kept having to re-upload as it was out of sync.

Hop over to Memphis Steve's blog to check out some more...

THE WORDY PART:
Say these words:

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

Now answer these questions:

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?

What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?

What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?

What do you call gym shoes?

What do you say to address a group of people?

What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?

What do you call your grandparents?

What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?

What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?

What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

What would Starbuck do?

2011-02-26T08:38:00.011+08:00

So.....I couldn't stay down in the cold for another second. Too many gorgeous friends up here, who I miss badly.

Thanks for your wishes and emails. I'm ok.

Well, I wasn't ok....but I am now, kinda. No of course I'm not over it...this was a big one. But I refuse to wallowing in it a second longer.

So what did I do?

Did I get shit-faced drunk? NOPE...haven't had a drink since 14th Jan in Sydney.

Did I stuff my face with junk food? - NOPE... still on my awesome diet and shrinking rapidly.

Did I put my profile back up on an internet dating site to make myself feel better? - NOPE (but it was touch and go for a while) ....Man Proof Cave looks good for a while me thinks.

So, what did I do??

I just had a big fucking cry, and thought to myself "What would Starbuck do?".

SHE would just suck it up, and continue to be her arse-kicking, fabulous self...

...which I am.

Anyways...

Memphis Steve has tagged me to do an 'accents' vlog...... so I'm gonna post that later today.

Catchya!

The Titanic

2011-02-22T13:40:00.011+08:00

So there was this relationship. Let's call it The Titanic.

It was all new and shiny and wonderful...and everyone wanted to come along for the ride.

It was SO beautiful. Everything seemed perfect....and so it sped along.

But it sped along too fast.

By the time the captain realised there was an iceberg ahead, his feet chilled to the bone...it was too late.

He tried to slow it down and threw the engines into reverse, but put such a strain on her, she cavitated badly.

Again he tried to correct course and slow down to a speed more suited to the conditions, and...for a brief moment, it looked as though disaster had been averted.

On the surface everything looked fine, but underneath the waterline, she was damaged beyond repair.

There was no hope of keeping her afloat.

Women and children left first...

And then, as the band played on ....she was gone.

*******************************************

I won't be blogging for a while.

It's too cold and dark down here.

2011-02-21T12:23:00.001+08:00

When I was a Rock Chick - Part 2

2011-02-20T08:24:00.004+08:00

So....I was in, and it was awesome!

We had the perfect set up.

The drummer (my boyfriend) lived in what used to be his dad's engineering business in an industrial area of the outer suburbs. It was a very large factory with living quarters at one end (which by this time I was living in as well).

The best thing about this set up was that industrial areas have no noise restrictions - we could jam 24/7 if we wanted. But, we didn't. We still all had our day jobs.

I was an admin assistant, the drummer was a toolmaker, our lead guitarist was an apprentice tradie of some sort, as was our rhythm guitarist and lead singer. Our sax player was a mechanic and our bass player was an apprentice chef.

We'd all toddle off to our day jobs, then every night after dinner, we'd practice. When practice was done we'd smoke a joint and either practice some more or just sit on bean bags in the corner and crap on.

Let me tell you, being the only girl amongst 6 guys, EVERY night of the week...was very interesting! Some of the stories I heard will never, ever fade (even though I wish they would). Wanking stories were my favourite... hahaha! I seriously think they forgot I was there sometimes.

Anyways....

We started getting local gigs not long after I joined. We played at quite a few of the pubs around Perth. At first, my nerves were so bad I would nearly vomit every time I had to get up on stage (especially if I had to get out the front for a song). Eventually I discovered bourbon....and that pretty much took care of that!

Country tours were the best fun. We'd hire a bus, trailer, pack up all our shit and we were off! The drives usually ended up WAY longer than planned. A 6 hour drive ended up around 10 hours because we were all so off our face there was always someone who wanted munchies at every frikkin' stop!

We did Geraldton, Albany, Busselton, Kalgoorlie and Kambalda. Our two guitarists were both from Kambalda so we always had a blast when we were there. We even snagged a Christmas/New Years gig which had us up there for nearly two weeks. The NY's gig was over 3000 people at the massive Kambalda Hotel. It was awesome! We drove back to Perth that night, straight after the gig, to perform New Years night at a club in Fremantle on NO SLEEP, but we somehow pulled it off.

My time with the band was one of the highlights of my life. It was only 2 years, but it was the BEST.

I left the band in '87. I'd split with the drummer a few months before that, which made things kinda awkward. Then I developed RSI in my forearms, from my job. I ended up on workers comp. I couldn't even hold a pen....and I couldn't play.

So, that was that.

But it wasn't all doom and gloom. The band got another keyboard player, and carried on as usual.

I consoled myself with booze...and men.....lots of men.

Being in a band is kinda awesome....if you are single. The guys got SO laid, it was ridiculous. The drummer and I were happy with our coupledom..and that was fine at the time.

However... I'd just come out of a three year abusive relationship, straight into another 18 month, serious relationship with no time to breathe....and now was time to cut loose! The three years between leaving the band and meeting my ex -husband to be, were spent PARTYING!

I had a lot of catching up to do. All those hot guitarists and drummers (I don't do bass players) who I could only admire from afar while with my boyfriend....were fair game now. I wasn't a groupie you see. I was now 'legit'. I was one of them.

They were a FUN three years. I even accidentally slept with our rhythm guitarist while up at the Bindoon Rock Festival (my bad).

I loved to hang out at pubs and stand up at the bar during sets. I'd wait for a beautiful guitarist to wander over for a drink when they were on break, and wait for those magic words - "Hey, didn't you used to play keyboards for the Boxcars?"

"Why, yes I did. Buy me a drink?"

The End.

Next up - Part 3: What happens on tour stays on tour - The Photos

Valentine's Day Portrait

2011-02-14T16:10:00.004+08:00

Here's me and Bradley Cooper in our annual Valentine's portrait.

Click here for last year's.

When I was a Rock Chick - Part 1

2011-01-26T07:42:00.008+08:00

I wasn’t always a single, working mum. I was married once. Before that I was a party girl, and before that……I was a rock chick.

The 80’s was an awesome time to be growing up in Oz, and the music of the time, was a big part of the magic. Before the internet, CD’s and iPods, we spent hours sitting in front of our radio’s waiting for our favourite song to be played and, when we heard those first few notes, leapt across the room to hit ‘record’ on the cassette deck….. ahhhh the mixed tape! I remember spending a WHOLE weekend camped in front of my stereo/radio waiting for U2’s ‘Two hearts beat as one’ and when I finally captured it – I ran a victory lap around the lounge room.

That lounge room was in a tiny flat, near the railway line that I shared with my boyfriend. I was with him from age 17 to 20. He was an abusive paranoid schizophrenic, but I was in love with him, so I stayed.

Spending three years of your life, terrified, is not pleasant. Every move I made was scrutinised. Everything I did, everything I wore, everywhere I went, was questioned. I got anxious merely walking past him. I never knew when that arm was going to lunge out, grab me and throw me against a wall.

I was not allowed to buy new clothes, go out with my friends, or wear makeup (which was quite distressing at the time as I had bad acne). I lost touch with all my friends, took drugs and got very thin. ‘Frankie’ ceased to exist for a while there.

I tried to run a couple of times. The local cop shop was just a block away. I remember running down the footpath at midnight in my nightie, hoping desperately that someone was on duty but, the lights were all off. I had nowhere to go, and ended up being pushed backwards over the brick wall surrounding the carpark. I was dragged home by my hair.

But, in 1985 I got out. Fuck me, I don’t know how I did it, I was sure he’d kill me……but I did it. I was finally free….. and I was 8 weeks pregnant.

I’m not going to go into my thought processes at that time other than to say I was 20 years old and was not going to continue a pregnancy that would see me permanently linked to a psycho. So….that was that.

I moved back to my mum’s. My younger sister was still at home and we took the opportunity to do some much needed bonding. This involved mostly just drinking and smoking mull, but it was bonding nonetheless.

Much to my surprise she had joined a cover band, as keyboard player. We’d both had piano lessons when we were younger but neither of us thought it would ever amount to anything….fun. I can’t remember how she got started but I do remember being thrilled to bits and tagging along to band practice. The band was called ‘Burning Boxcars’ (hahaha, don’t laugh). Much to my further surprise (and delight) my high school sweetheart (and the guy who whisked away my virginity) was the drummer!

It took the drummer and I about two days to hook up again and suddenly I was the ‘roadie/door chick’. Unfortunately I didn’t see much action (in the band area) as they didn’t get that many gigs! Nevertheless it was fucking awesome to be part of it!

A few months in, my sister broke up with the guitarist. It was messy. End result – she left the band and went to Seattle! So….. here is a cover band, repertoire finally sorted, new name, all ready to hit the local scene, and NO KEYBOARD PLAYER or back up vocalist.

"Ummm….excuse me guys but, I can play".

My initial attempts were met with a resounding "No fucking way", the lead guitarist being my greatest opponent. He was dead set against anymore ‘in-band' relationships (I was living with the drummer by now).

I wouldn’t let it go. Every time they practiced I would flick on the spare mic and belt out the harmonies for all their songs. I have a fucking good voice! (and I sound just like my sister).

In the end, I wore them down.

I was in!

To be continued…

(for Bams)

Monday Meat

2011-01-24T13:07:00.000+08:00

You're welcome...

Sydney

2011-01-18T14:36:00.007+08:00

So..... we're back!

The trip was great. The kids and I were thoroughly spoilt. Not going to waffle on, but here it is in dot points!

Did the tourist thing (our first time in Sydney - Manly Ferry, Luna Park, Taronga, Opera House, Museum)
Kids didn't kill each other
Had dinner at the worst Chinese restaurant EVER
Shagged each other senseless (got first one in 20 minutes after I arrived!)
Talked/laughed/cried (ok the crying was just me...)
Met the mother (eeek!)
Met the divine KatieP (xxx)
Met fingers (what a c*nt!)
Caught my first fish! (first time fishing, ever!)

The photo is at Bams' mum's place on the Central Coast. I caught the little bream and he caught the big one. They were delicious!

It's 10 weeks until I see him again. Missing him way too much already.

But it's all good :o)

RIP Rosie the Riveter

2011-01-05T22:05:00.007+08:00

Rosie graced my blog header for my first 18 months of blogging. Always an icon (article here)

347...

2010-12-29T22:06:00.001+08:00

... the number of different ways Bams and I are gonna shag when I get to Sydney.

No, seriously, we made a list.....

Holidays

2010-12-26T08:23:00.003+08:00

That's 2!! Just 2 weeks 'til I wake up next to Bams :o)

I'm on holidays at the moment...and the best bit is that none of it comes out of my annual leave. I work at a university and we don't get a lot of the Monday public holidays during the year, but the uni shuts down over Christmas and we all get the time off. This year it closed lunch time on 22nd Dec and won't open again until 4th January - AWESOME!

Then, I go back to work for just three days before I am on actual leave again and off to Sydney with the kids!! I can barely contain myself. But, I've managed to get through seven weeks without him, two more's not gonna kill me (I hope!).

Anyways....

Christmas was the usual. Not a massive fan but do like to catch up with my crazy rels and see the smiles on my thoroughly spoilt kids faces when they open their presents (yes I spent way too much as usual). I was spoilt by the kids too and also received the most incredibly thoughtful, hand-made gift from my beautiful man. Feeling very special at the moment.

Unfortunately it was the usual stinkin' hot Christmas here. Nearly 40 C yesterday. Estimated 38 today and 40 again tomorrow. SUCKS, but we have a heavy duty aircon so I'm not leaving the house for the next 2 days. Bugger the after Christmas sales, I'm camping out in my loungeroom!

I hope you and yours all had a wonderful day too x

Merry Christmas

2010-12-23T22:24:00.002+08:00

NOT that sort of blog!

2010-12-19T19:23:00.008+08:00

So I have a stat counter. It can tell me a lot.

I love seeing all the little country flags pop up showing people from all over the world landing here, some by accident, some not.

I'm not obsessive about it, it's a public blog, but I do notice if something unusual shows up. Sometimes it's a 'trawler' who's going back through all my old posts. I don't mind trawlers at all. I have lots of old posts I am proud of and it's great when they are discovered by someone new to The Fifi Dangerfield Files.

Bams reckons I'm a stalker stalker. I'm not. Well.....ok, maybe I am. Ok seriously, if I wasn't in my current job I would be probably be working for ASIO. I admit it, I'm pretty fucking good. I'm an analyst by nature. I can take information and find the patterns. It's my thing. I also found it very useful when I was studying.

Anyways....

I just had to laugh on the weekend when I saw several hits on The Man Flesh Files in 'search' mode. They searched for the following....in this order - 'size', 'sex', 'cock, 'dick', 'penis'. You know who you are.....I don't!

Curious, I did the same search, and here are the results.

SIZE - several results....mostly to do with the SIZE of my arse or the SIZE of my jeans.

SEX - a few more results...mostly to do with my LACK of it.

COCK - zero results

DICK - zero results

PENIS - zero results

Yes I am happy to announce that over the last two years I have not mentioned cock, dick OR penis once. It's not been by any means intentional....I was quite surprised myself!

However if they were to search VAGINA.....

Oh fuck it. Now I've said ALL of them.

Christmas - 10 years ago...

2010-12-18T19:26:00.002+08:00

For Christmas 2000 I ordered 65 copies of this photo for our personalised cards from Kmart.

The woman asked me twice, and then someone called me at home, to make sure THIS was the one I wanted to send out to everyone.

Hell yeah!

A conversation with my mother

2010-12-17T13:09:00.008+08:00

So, my mother is one of my Facebook friends. Don't ask me how this happened. It just DID.

Anyways, she's hardly ever on there but when she is she stalks me.

Bams and I loved to muck around on Facebook before we met and we still enjoy having a laugh on there but things can get a little...naughty.

Those of you that read Bams' blog may be familiar with his post on having laser hair removal on his gonads. That's all I'm going to say really.

The following are excerpts from actual conversations that took place over a couple of days. Only the names have been changed to protect the.....whatever.

Facebook - Frankie's Status Update (in part) -

Frankie - I wish I'd not come in. Work sucks big hairy balls today (more than usual)

Bams - Well my goal is to make sure you never have to suck big or hairy balls again! And I'm doing my bit!!

Lara Croft - Get a room!

Conversation the next evening at my mum's for dinner with the kids -

Mum - Were you and Bams talking about rambutans on Facebook yesterday?

Frankie - Sorry...what?

Mum - Rambutans, the fruit. You were talking about sucking hairy balls. That's what we called rambutans back in Ceylon.

Alex - *spits food out of nose*

The end.

The Tree

2010-12-10T18:45:00.005+08:00

I wrote a few weeks ago about our new/old address and of the magnificent tree the kids played in. Well here it is in all it's summer glory.

It's a liquid amber. The owners prune it right back every winter so it's developed a really sturdy inner structure and is covered in lush new growth every year. Just perfect for climbing.

But, the kids don't just climb it. They bloody live up there! I thought my daughter, at 14, may have outgrown it but she and her friends are up there nearly every afternoon...ipods and phones in tow. They just hang around up there for...well, it's been 2 hours now!

I took some photos of them earlier but I can hear some more kids up there now. As I write this, it's 6.30 on a beautiful summer evening and there are about 8 kids up there (I just ran out and counted). You can't see ANY of them (but they are quite loud).

Here are some photos. The bottom one was taken 8 years ago, when Ethan was around 3 and Alex was 6.

We LOVE the tree :o)

Flashback 2002...

'cos I AM

2010-12-09T13:02:00.003+08:00

Together Apart

2010-12-06T09:17:00.015+08:00

So.....after last week's pathetic attempt at trying to do a VLOG update on my love life (below), I thought I would give it another go -

It's going well. REALLY well.

Today marks four weeks since Bams left and things are just...... lovely.

I thought our time apart would be excruciating.....but it hasn't been. Things have just gotten better and better.

Because we can only express ourselves with words (and the occasional pornographic photo), we've become closer than ever. And as much as I would love to be near him, (instead of 4000 kms away), I can honestly say that I wouldn't change a thing.

Yeah, I'll admit I've had a couple of moments where I've let my over active imagination get the better of me, and have had what can only be described as a 'spazz', but overall, it's been just DELICIOUS.

And what's most delicious is the anticipation of when we will see each other again. It's not like before, when we hadn't met yet. It's different now. And, I'm sure after our next meeting, it will be different again. And what a meeting it's going to be!

In less than five weeks time Fifi, Bams and five kids aged from 11 to 15...together, in Sydney, for 8 days. S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y. I'm beside myself with excitement! (ok...and a little fear). I just can't wait. But I have to. So, I will continue to enjoy all the romancing between now.......and then :o)

And, in January, we'll hatch plans for .... the next time.

Thought for the day

2010-12-05T07:14:00.004+08:00

For my geeks ('cos no-one else will frakkin' get it!)

VLOG with sookie lala

2010-11-28T20:41:00.005+08:00

So I tried to do a VLOG and this is what happened. Thought twice about posting but...fuck it.. it's me and how I'm feeling. Didn't feel right to try and re-do it. D.E.A.L.

Grey Power

2010-11-22T22:26:00.001+08:00

Yes thanks, don't mind if I do...

The Code

2010-11-21T21:32:00.007+08:00

My friends and I live by a code. It is an honourable code.

This is the code between women (and not just those you know - this can, at times, extend to perfect strangers) that you will not let each other look like complete dickheads/losers in public.....if you can help it.

What sort of situations are covered by the code? I think you probably know them already. Here's a just few...

"You've tucked your skirt into your undies".

"You've got toilet paper stuck to the back of your jeans/your shoes/whatever".

"You've got something stuck in your teeth".

"You've got black stuff in the corner of your eye"

"Ummm.... are you sure you really want to wear that?" sometimes known as "you look like mutton dressed as lamb".

"You've got a dried up bogie sticking out your nose".

You get the idea. I'm sure you can come up with a few more.

But there's one situation that's a little tricky..it's a bit more of a 'sensitive' issue. That issue is - upper lip hair. I know! Seriously....how do you tell someone that's cultivating a rain forest on their upper lip that it's time to get out the hot wax or Nair! And what happens if they don't care to do so? It's a frikkin' minefield.

I have on occasion been MORTIFIED to glance at myself in the rear view mirror and spy veritable whiskers sprouting from my top lip. "Why didn't somebody tell meeeee? I look like a fucking walrus!!!"

So, some close friends and I have a developed a code word...a phrase....a friendly nudge that can be used, anywhere...anytime that these heinous hairs are spotted.

And that code word is.....

MAGNUM P.I.

Be a friend. Use it.

The strangest thing

2010-11-19T09:15:00.004+08:00

If you've been reading my blog a while, you'll know I've had body issues.

Maybe that's the reason I've been single for so long. Who fucking knows. I just know that my negative impression of myself has held me back, in more ways than one.

For the last few years especially, since I put on quite a few kilos, the mirror has not been my friend.

Every house I have lived in has a BIG bathroom mirror and gets the morning sun - you know what I'm talking about ladies? I might as well be in front of a Kmart change room mirror... it's that bad.

The past few months, since I let myself date again were the worst. Every morning to have to see, in the harsh light of day, every lump, bump, dimple, scar and wrinkle, was enough to make me want to throw the towel in and retreat to the cave - permanently.

But the strangest thing has happened.

For the past couple of weeks I've been getting up in the morning and looking in that same mirror....same lighting.....same body. Only I realise now, all I see - is ME.

And all it took was knowing that someone..... loves all of me.

See through balloons

2010-11-17T07:37:00.005+08:00

So a while back, before I moved house, I regularly had my fortnightly shopping home delivered. It's frikkin' awesome.

One evening a particularly hot delivery guy turns up with my order and I can't help but flirt a little. I love Coles....yes I do...and they always slip me a little something extra with my order, ya know..free samples. This week it was some men's deodorant.

Now obviously there ain't no 'men' residing in my home (Ethan doesn't count as I don't think he even has pubes yet) and I thought, under the circumstances ie (me being a desperado born again virgin....well back then I was anyways ;op) I should give it a crack..so I did a massive hairflick and announced "well that's not gonna be much use around HERE" *flutters eye lids*.

He chuckled to himself and toddled off. Damn, it was worth a try.

I unpack the shopping and a few minutes later Alex shouts from the front hall "hey mum, I think he liked you, he's left you some more freebies!" and produces two condoms..all bright and fancy like. "Maybe it was a hint" (shut UP 14 year old).

I actually entertained the idea for about 20 seconds, until I realised the teenager, rolling on the floor pissing herself laughing in front of me may be an indicator that someone was being had and was advised that they weren't a present from very tight King Gee shorts guy after all but a sample from health class.

You are fucking hilarious young lady.

She then asks if I have any more condoms as they need them for a 'health class project'. I thought this sounded like bullshit and told her that I did not. A few minutes later Ethan shouts out from the bathroom "yes you do!!". Fuckers. "There's a whole box in here and they are past the use by date". Yeah rub it in why don't you?

"Ok you can bloody have them" *sulks*.

So...about an hour later I realise I have not seen or heard from either of the kids for a while. This is unusual. They fight like cat and dog unless....they are working on something together. And that 'something' is more often than not - devious.

I hunt them down, follow the giggling, barge into her bedroom to be confronted with a room full of...... these.....

Please don't call Child Services.

The Date Report

2010-11-14T17:46:00.013+08:00

It's really difficult to write one of these when you know that the person who you're writing about, is going to be reading it. But if I can write date reports about some of the frikkin' losers I've been out with over the last couple of years, surely I can write about him.

So here I go...

It all started a couple of months ago (wow..only a couple of months?). Another blogger mentioned his blog, and I took a look. I commented on his post (about dating). He commented on my most recent post (about dating) and next thing we're blog buddies. Next comes the outrageous Facebook banter (not limited to me mind you - apparently no-one with a vagina is safe!) and after a few emails - he asks me out.

Of course I tell him he's crazy. I'm in Perth, he's in Sydney plus he's really not my usual type so seriously...what's the point? But then my usual type isn't fucking working for me is it?! He's very charming and we're already developing a nice friendship..so I accept. What's the worst that can happen?

He phoned me for the first time that night - we spoke for two hours.

So...then there's the four.......weeks. What started out as a fun idea with nothing to lose, soon turned into something quite unexpected and I found myself emotionally invested in the outcome (and I knew he felt the same way). Many, many phone calls, emails and texts (he writes a beautiful email...shit he writes a beautiful text for that matter and I know I'm probably going to embarrass him here by saying that he's quite possibly the most romantic man I have ever met).

Fuck...and that says a lot, 'cos this is where I usually BOLT.... and I didn't.

I knew he was still pretty much doing the 'single guy' thing over there. Hey, it didn't thrill me but to be honest I'd prefer that, to me being the first woman after his wife - you all know my thoughts on 'fresh meat' by now. So...it's ok.

So..shit I'd better actually write about THE DATE!

After a build up that nearly frikkin' killed me he arrived in Perth. Our date was set for 7pm on the Saturday night. We'd agreed that even if we totally repulsed each other...we'd greet each other with a kiss on the lips. Seriously....and I know this shit 'cos I've been on a LOT of 'blind' dates, you NEVER know 'til they are standing in front of you. You can't fake chemistry and we both knew it.

But it was not a problem :o)

One kiss and that was it.

We caught a taxi up to Kings Park, a beautiful spot overlooking the city. Fuck....how long have we been holding hands? (I don't do that).

Our relationship to date had been lots and lots of talking. We really enjoyed each other. So, we both thought our first date would be an extension of that.

Nup.

But there was kissing.

Kissing at the Whispering Wall. Kissing at the War Memorial Lookout. Kissing on the park bench (and there were fireworks.....no ACTUAL for real fireworks across the river).

Seriously...it was a Kissofuckinrama! How old are we again? Actually, I do recall a 'milkshake break' in there somewhere but then it was just straight back to the kissing.

We finally dragged ourselves off to a nice wine bar where we did manage some chatting...and more hand holding (oh god who IS this person?). And then...back to his hotel.

No. I'm not telling so I think we'd better...

*insert elevator music here*

I caught a taxi home about 2am. What? Well of course not. I don't do sleepovers on a first date...remember?

Part 2 of our date commenced mid morning on the Sunday, although unfortunately I wasn't quite ready when he arrived and was still in my bathrobe...

*yada yada yada* (that one's for you Nic!)

The weather was beautiful so we shared some fish and chips down at the foreshore and then I apparently fell asleep on the couch in front of the MOST BORING MOVIE EVER.

He got to meet the brats a little later. It was nice :o)

He caught a taxi back to his hotel later that night. And, that was the last time we kissed. He flew out on the Monday.

Holy crap just had to have a little cry baby break then...so where was I?

Oh yeah... he left.

But, we have made plans to see each other again. We're doing it. For as long as it feels right.

And it does feel right.

EDIT - shut up.

Thought for the day

2010-11-12T04:22:00.002+08:00

When you least expect it....

2010-11-08T10:46:00.005+08:00

So....had intended to keep this close to my chest, but finding it very difficult. My emotions are determined to burst out, much like that scene in the movie Alien..with John Hurt.

Anyways...

Umm...ok...so as I said, wasn't going to write about it 'cos every guy I write about turns into a big fucking F.A.I.L. and this is kinda..special. But, there is a possiblity of both chest and brain exploding if I don't release a little of the pressure.

Breathe....

Ok..condensed version -

I just had the most wonderful of weekends with a guy, who lives ...a long way away. He's a fellow blogger who I've gotten to know very well over the past couple of months and I adore him to bits. We have no idea what the hell we are doing...but we're kinda doing it anyway.

There.

Oh god I'm such a dweeb.

PS - sorry about the photo baby hahahaha!

It's that time....

2010-10-31T06:00:00.004+08:00

Fifi's Fortnight

2010-10-25T12:17:00.003+08:00

I'm going to be flat out busy the next two weeks and won't have internet access at home for the latter half, so I thought I'd do a little photo montage of what the next fortnight holds in store for me.

And no, I'm not telling...

Thought for the day

2010-10-22T13:23:00.001+08:00

Like a woman possessed

2010-10-19T05:58:00.014+08:00

My head is spinning. So much has happened in the last 7 days. This time last week I was distraught at the prospect of having to move AGAIN (3rd time in 3 years). Our lease expired last Monday and I got a call from the agent that day advising that the owner was selling.

I instantly went into 'losing my shit' mode.

The agent tried to reassure me that it wasn't a 'fait accompli'. We may be able to stay, if an investor buys it. But, that would still mean a 'Home Open' every f/night and us hanging by a thread not knowing what the future would bring.

Well fuck that!

I decided to take my power back and pre-empt any move. I started looking Tuesday. I wasn't sure if it was the right decision, but ex-hubby stepped up and said he'd pay for the move so I thought I'd roll with it. And I'm so glad I did.

We are moving 'home' :o)

Eight years ago when I split with my husband, I moved up from a semi-rural area to an inner city suburb. It was a big move. It was scary, and I felt completely alone...but not for long.

I moved into a little street that leads to a park. But this wasn't just any street. This was a street where the neighbours care. They want to know you. They hang about on the verge and chat, day or night. The kids play on anyone's front lawn, at any time, even if you are not home. There was 'the tree' - a beautiful climbing tree that swallowed up several children at a time. On summer days when there wasn't a sign of a single child in the street, if you stood under that tree, a faint giggling could be heard. It was a good street.

My next door neighbours were the BEST. A couple in their sixties who acted as surrogate grandparents for my two (who were 3 and 6 when we moved in). They looked after me through my hip injury, took me shopping, to the physio and made sure the kids got to school. I sat with them and held their hands when their baby grand daughter died. They were like family.

We lived in that street for six years. I'll always consider it where the kids 'grew up'. And then, one day, we had to leave.

That was 3 years ago. We've still kept in contact but it's not been the same..until now. I found a house..right next door to where I lived before - in the street!

We are so excited! The house had only been advertised that day when I found it online. The owners had spent two weeks re-painting, putting in new window coverings and getting the landscaping organised. It's a great little house (and I knew I was going to take it straight away as I'd been in that house a hundred times before). Yesterday the agent confirmed my application was successful.

I drove down the street on the weekend. Word had gotten around that we were coming home. One of my old/new neighbours spotted the car and rushed out to get the gos' on whether we were really moving back. It was a beautiful feeling...no really, it was gorgeous.

I'd been worrying whether it was the right decision, as the house is a little more than I can afford, but after the greeting I received and the excitement on my 'family's' faces, I knew this was going to be a wonderful thing for me and the kids.

So, I've been running around like a woman possessed and I've got most things sorted. Removalists - TICK, electricity - TICK, gas - TICK, phone - TICK...now it's just.........the packing.

Here we go again......

Double Trouble

2010-10-17T09:03:00.001+08:00

Anyone for a sandwich?

An ode to my cave

2010-10-15T05:45:00.008+08:00

Man-proof cave I really luvs you.

You're where I go when there's cherries of poo

You keep me warm and safe and sane.

That's why I return, again and again.

Love Frankie

Weird fucker

2010-10-14T11:28:00.001+08:00

From this....

To this????

excuse me I need my Tena Lady's ... PMSL.

Canuck Post Mortem

2010-10-13T19:41:00.004+08:00

So....after putting his chest out there on the dating site, Mr Canuck still decided to contact me on the Saturday after our date. Just a casual text...'how are you?' blah blah, all very friendly - then I may or may not have gotten stuck into him.

I may or may not have asked why he was bothering to contact me as his 'bod shot' on the dating site AFTER our date said quite a lot about his feelings on the whole thing. He turned it around so that it was ME who wasn't interested and asked...'why can't you accept that I'm interested in you?' blah blah blah. Pfffft! Fucktard.

I then may or may not have mentioned 'kids in a candy store' and my aversion to being 'candy'. He may or may not have stopped texting me after that.

Frankie - 1, Canada - 0.

Umm....

2010-10-10T18:29:00.004+08:00

Frankie's Phatness

2010-10-09T21:07:00.001+08:00

You may or may not have noticed that all my health, FM, fitness and fatness posts have been disappearing over the last couple of weeks. They're not gone, just moved.

I've not posted a lot about it this year...I think I only counted 13 posts. That's because I'd had a gut full of it. Pain, treatment, injuries...I just could not take one more physio or chiro session, so I went cold turkey.

Also, I'd become increasingly uncomfortable blogging here in this space about my health and fitness stuff. This started out as a weight loss blog, but morphed into something else - way more fun. I love hanging out here :o)

But, I've got to pull my head out of the sand, have things treated, get fit again and kick some serious arse. My wake up call was my knee fuck up recently. I damaged the cartilage....and it's still not better, but it at least got me going back to the physio.

There's two sides to Fifi....so if you want to see what the other side gets up to...the link is in the sidebar.

Vlog with ranting

2010-10-07T20:35:00.002+08:00

Date Report - Amended

2010-10-05T20:18:00.005+08:00

And this is what I do.

Defences up...way up, before I've even finished the drive home. "He doesn't like me, he can't possibly. Much safer if he doesn't."

I was self conscious on our date, but that's because he was kinda cute.

I liked that he kissed me on the cheek when I arrived.

I liked it when he put his arm around me to move me out of the way of rampant cyclists.

He had gorgeous blue blue eyes.

He said I was beautiful.

When he kissed me on the cheek to say goodbye, I wished he'd kissed me on the lips.

There...ok?

EDIT - I was slapped severely around the head and shoulders today by two of my oldest friends (nearly 30 years I've known them), who know my game, know my crap and know what I'm doing. So, now I'm out there...hanging in the wind, waiting for some guy to call me. Happy?

A conversation with my daughter (Facebook Edition)

2010-10-05T05:59:00.010+08:00

Recently I noticed that my 14 year old had changed her Facebook profile photo to one of her in a bikini. The photo comments went as follows.

Frankie - Put some clothes on young lady.

Alex - Well put your norks away mummy.

Frankie - Ok, let's call it a draw.

The end.

Date Report

2010-10-04T08:43:00.004+08:00

I'm not sure what's up with me, but it's like I just don't care anymore. I'm just not feeling it. And it's been so long since I remember feeling 'it', that I don't know if I'd recognise it anyway.

The date was ok. It was nice.

He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek, ordered our coffees and we chatted. Yeah, I was pretty self-conscious but did a good job at hiding it. He was kinda attractive I guess. I didn't really have any thoughts on that either way. We got on well....but not how I imagine it should be. No 'spark'.

He may have felt the same way....not sure. Anyway, coffee and a bit of a walk on the beach and we were through. It had to be quick as I needed to be home to take Ethan for a karate grading.

He walked me to my car and we said goodbye. He kissed me on the cheek - and that was it.

So...

If I hear from him, great. If not, great.

What's it supposed to feel like on a first date with a total stranger? 

I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to feel NOTHING AT ALL.

EDIT - actually I don't know if I want him to call me at all. All I want to do is train this spring/summer. Quite desperately actually. Man Proof Cave/work/train/eat/sleep. That would make me happier than anything - getting in a solid few month's training without injury. THAT is something I have feelings about.

Hooley Frikkin' Dooley!

2010-10-03T18:59:00.001+08:00

If I don't get some sex soon, my vagina is going to implode......seriously.

Canuck update

2010-10-01T10:05:00.005+08:00

So here’s the gos'.

Last Thursday - Mr Canuck did not call.

Tuesday - Mr Canuck did call.

Tuesday - We agreed on Sunday morning coffee this coming weekend.

Wednesday - Went to my cousin's birthday party, thinking I look gorgeous in my new dress.

Thursday - Saw photo of me from said birthday party, had a total freak out, told him I was a fatty boomba and cancelled our date.

Thursday - He texts me the equivalent of War and Peace and now we ARE having coffee again ('cos he's not a shallow wanker like me).

Shut up.

The end.

M.I.A. and Lurkers

2010-09-28T10:41:00.006+08:00

Hey there.

Today I decided to tidy up my blog list (work's slow) and found that nearly 25 of the blogs I used to read either no longer exist or have not be active for over a year. Where is everyone?

I love a good read so, if you have been lurking quietly up until now please pop in and say hello in my comments section. I always love checking out new blogs. And, if you haven't got a blog, pop in and say hi anyway.

I tell you all my stuff.....I need to stalk you back!

Thought for the day

2010-09-27T21:38:00.003+08:00

VLOG - Nine Years Today!!!!

2010-09-25T19:00:00.002+08:00

nine years SINGLE that is....

The usual fuck around....

2010-09-24T11:52:00.015+08:00

So, it's Friday.
I have 3 kid free nights and NO FUCKING DATE!
The story thus far....
Mr Canuck called me Tuesday night. We chatted for about half an hour. T'was nice. Very nice accent I must say. He was called away by his daughter after a bit so wound up by asking if he could call me tomorrow (Wednesday) to organise coffee.
Wednesday came and went and no call. I did note however that he was online most of the day on the dating site. This shits me. I tried to kid myself that he was online waiting to chat to me, but I knew he was not. Bugger it. He's one of those guys who sits on there all day at work. I don't like it at all.
I'm perfectly happy to accept him chatting to several girls at once, as that's what I attempted (unsuccessfully) to do. But to just be logged in all day? Nup.
Anyway, by yesterday morning I was really pissed off and decided...as I usually do after a whole week on line, to kill my profile and disappear..which I did. Now this wasn't just because he didn't call..it's my usual modus operandi you see...I have the attention span of a goldfish when it comes to most internet dating scenarios.
I received quite a lengthy text from him later that morning, apologising for not calling (family crisis) and that he would like to call me later in the day if I was 'still keen'. I advised him that I was and that I looked forward to hearing from him.
*insert sound of chirping cricket here*
So......still haven't heard a bloody thing. I was a little worried as the family crisis (and I was given specifics) had potential to get significantly worse, and decided not to jump to conclusions but checked this morning and he's there..chat ready, online, on the dating site.
Jeeez....why do men keep disappointing me?
He does not deserve my lusciousness. None of them do.

Song for the day...

2010-09-23T17:12:00.008+08:00

VLOG - crapping on

2010-09-21T17:10:00.004+08:00

ok I know I look like shit but I'd been pruning after work.....

It's a toss up

2010-09-17T12:22:00.016+08:00

I've found myself kinda 'man-juggling' at the moment. Don't know how that happened.

Actually no..sorry I'm not officially man-juggling as I'm only chatting to them online. I don't usually chat to more than one guy at a time as it all gets too much. I imagine ACTUAL man-juggling, ie dating more than one guy at a time..would be total madness.

Although, I did accidentally have sex with two guys on the same weekend once....but I don't think that counts as only one was a 'date' (on the Saturday night), the other was my yummy bonk-buddy Brad (Sunday afternoon), who unfortunately moved to London a couple of years ago. He calls occasionally.... *sigh*

Ok...sorry where was I?

..so...yep chatting to 3 guys..considering a 4th. Now I know there'll be those of you out there laughing at me as maybe that's how most people do it. Is it? Is that how it's supposed to be done? I have no idea. I just know that I have always preferred to get to know one person at at time. But I think that needs to change.

As my mate Spiffo said, "how do you know what you like, if you've got nothing to compare it to". So that's what I'm doing. And you know what? I think it might work. I should naturally gravitate towards whoever I enjoy chatting too most.

I've already deleted one guy. He wanted to be 'just friends' and didn't want any "sex or complications".

I thought this would be nice for a change. We chatted a couple of times...all very nice. However, I found that without the 'carrot' that is sex, dangling in front of my nose.......I lost interest in him very fast. My mouse seemed to keep hovering, all by itself, over towards the 'delete contact' button, like one of those pointy things on a ouija board. And then....he was gone.

So at the moment we have - 1. Mr Tall (6'7"), 2. Mr Canuck (he's Aussie/Canadian) and 3. Mr Shirtless (he he) .

No definite thoughts yet although, I think Mr Tall is a bit too much into pubs and stuff. I'm over pubs. Plus he's got very young kids....I'm over that too. Mr Canuck has a 14 year old girl (EDIT - found out since he also has a 16 yr old boy and a 4 yr old girl) and Mr Shirtless has no kids at all.

If I get too confused I think I may need to run a poll!

Byeeee

Date with Triumph Boy Part 2

2010-09-16T19:09:00.013+08:00

I'm going to cut a long story short as I've totally lost interest in this chapter of my dating disasters (scroll down a couple of posts for Part 1 if you missed it).

Date was good. He made it clear he wanted to see me again but apparently he forgot how to use the phone and every evening and morning after our date he was there..online, waiting to chat to me...on the dating site. No calls, no texts.

On the Tuesday night we established that seeing each other again was going to be tricky as we have our kids on opposite weekends but I was kinda hoping we could have a discussion about the logistics and how we'd sort it out. Triumph Boy was not pro-active in that area at all. He was quite happy just chatting away. I got pissed off and he could tell (even online).

The following is what ensued (actual transcript...only the names have been changed to protect the guilty).

Triumph Boy says:

you ok...?

Frankie says:

I just can't really do the chat thing anymore. It's ok when you haven't met but I don't really like being 'internet girl' that much.

Frankie says:

I only come on here to chat to you

Triumph Boy says:

understood

Frankie says:

anyways...

Triumph Boy says:

therein lies the big fault with modern communication.....

Frankie says:

how so?

Triumph Boy says:

its all this shit.....

Triumph Boy says:

facebook.....

Triumph Boy says:

txt.....

Triumph Boy says:

blah blah

Frankie says:

we get used to these techno ways and no-one wants to communicate for real anymore?

Triumph Boy says:

i hate techo....

Frankie says:

well you are on here every day

Triumph Boy says:

otherwise, i wont talk to you at all,,,,

Frankie says:

why wont' you talk to me at all?

Frankie says:

what do you mean?

Triumph Boy says:

over it

Triumph Boy says:

when will i see you to talk to you face to face....?

Frankie says:

well I'm sure we can figure something out. You just seem resigned to the fact that we won't

Frankie says:

i'm sure in the olden days they worked something out

Triumph Boy says:

not at all....ill demonstrate what oasis means to me.....

Frankie says:

ok

Triumph Boy says:

ready......

Frankie says:

ok

Frankie says:

yes

Triumph Boy says:

....bye

Frankie says:

?

Last message: 24 August 2010 20:45

Triumph Boy has removed you from their contacts. You can no longer send any messages to this member.

_________________________________

Wha??

So. That was that. At first I thought he was joking. Then I thought he had done it to please me and would ring me right away....nope. I realised later that night that he'd not only deleted me but he'd deleted his whole dating profile.

What a fucking dickhead! Seriously, I need another child having a dummy spit, like I need a hole in the head.

So that was that. At least I thought it was. He waited a few days, until Friday night and called me, three times. I rejected his calls. I didn't hear from him again until last week, when he randomly called me on Tuesday night. I didn't answer that call either.

His profile is back up now.

The end.

EDIT - and furthermore! I rescind my decision to NOT have sex on the first date! I've said it before and I'll say it again. If I'd never had sex on the first date..I'd never have had sex!! What a waste of an awesome cleavage. The girls deserve better.

In Memorium

2010-09-12T07:41:00.003+08:00

Happy Father's Day

2010-09-05T09:33:00.003+08:00

The Fifi Dangerfield Files

Merry Christmas!!!

Changes...

Health Warning for Women

Has it come to this?

Photos from my iPhone

Thought for the Day

Living Vicariously - Conversations with my mother...

An ode to Miles Pappadum

Monet's Garden

T-Shirt Addicts Anonymous (T.A.A.)

Wandering....

Thought for the Day

*skids to a halt*

It's not me, it's SCIENCE...

Sons of Anarchy

10 years on...and Catch up Vlog

A conversation with my mother

Boobz...

Single again....

MUMisms

Happy Father's Day (Australia)

No words required....

x

Awesomeness...

White Sheep of the Family?

The Return of RollerGirl?

Friday Night Fun

VLOG - Interview with Nerd Guy on a Tuesday

46...

Weekends...

Nerd Guy & Geek Girl

Back!

Thought for the Day

Dear Man Flesh...

Goddess 1932 - 2011

VLOG - Jazz for Judes

Back later ...

Naked

Fear

VLOG - accents and regional dialects thingy

What would Starbuck do?

The Titanic

When I was a Rock Chick - Part 2

Valentine's Day Portrait

When I was a Rock Chick - Part 1

Monday Meat

Sydney

RIP Rosie the Riveter

347...

Holidays

Merry Christmas

NOT that sort of blog!

Christmas - 10 years ago...

A conversation with my mother

The Tree

'cos I AM

Together Apart

Thought for the day

VLOG with sookie lala

Grey Power

The Code

The strangest thing

See through balloons

The Date Report

Thought for the day

When you least expect it....

It's that time....

Fifi's Fortnight

Thought for the day

Like a woman possessed

Double Trouble

An ode to my cave

Weird fucker

Canuck Post Mortem

Umm....

Frankie's Phatness

Vlog with ranting

Date Report - Amended

A conversation with my daughter (Facebook Edition)

skids to a halt