Has it come to this?

My mother called a little while ago.

She'd just finished a conversation with my uncle (her brother), who suggested that -

1.  it might help me out financially, and...

2.  it would allow her to spend more time with her grand kids, if.....

...we moved in together.

I'm beyond words.....

Living Vicariously - Conversations with my mother...

So I took my Facebook profile down a couple of weeks ago.

No biggie, just having a FB break as spending a bit too much time stuffing around on there when I really need to be doing other things.  Miss my buddies SO much (my gorgeous buddies who are interstate) but needed to just get some balance back...so I'm not there.

My mother noticed....eventually.

I mean ok, she's 75 and going a little bonkers and lately, because she can't stalk me on FB, she just seems to be sitting around making up 'stuff' about me in her head.  Here's the latest.

Now, I'm positive I told her that I was de-activating FB for a while..but she never fucking listens so I'm not surprised she forgot.

She calls me a couple of weeks ago, on the Friday evening.  I've just dropped the kids at the station, grabbed some ice cream and plonked myself down on the couch to watch a DVD when, like clockwork, she calls.  Nothing important...just crapping on about the family etc. 

I finally get off the phone and start watching the movie and an hour later the phone rings AGAIN.  I know it's her.  She's the only person who calls our home phone number.  So, I don't answer it.  Fuck that.  Seriously, I've been working all week and I just want to be LEFT ALONE.  That was the only time it rang.

Next day (Saturday) there are no calls.  Saturday night, while I am at the movies, I notice several missed calls on my mobile, from my mum and her brother (the phone is on silent).  I thought it might be an emergency so I call back.

"Oh my God Frankie, what's happening???!!!!  Where are you, I was so worried about you.  I thought you'd committed suicide!!!".

I AM NOT JOKING.

She was freaking out and beside herself.  Apparently because I missed her calls on my kid free Friday and Saturday nights, I am not on Facebook and, apparently I told her I was broke the other week...I must have 'done something to myself'.

Now...don't get me wrong, I'm glad she cares about me but this is just too much.  Who is this person?  She doesn't know me at all.  I realise it's a serious issue and sometimes there may not be 'warning signs' but really? Just because I don't answer on two occasions and I'm not on Facebook?

THEN.....

She calls me yesterday -

Mum  -  Frances .....(insert real surname here) what's going on? (in her most serious of serious voices)

Me - Ummmm?

Mum - What's really going on?

Me - OMG I have no idea what you are talking about.

Mum - Facebook.  Why aren't you on there anymore?  It's a man, isn't it?

Me - aaahhhh noooooo.

Mum - Oh it must be.  Why else would you take your profile off?  You are trying to stop yourself from putting status updates about your new man up there, like you did with BamBam and Nerd Guy and then getting all embarrassed when you break up.

Me - 1.  I wasn't embarrassed.  2. Facebook isn't the real world mum!!  I'm JUST-NOT-ON-FACEBOOK!!!!!

Mum - Yes ok (with a bemused smirk).

Jeezuz!!!  I need to send a couple of Ninjas around there to burn her fucking Mills and Boon collection...

10 years on...and Catch up Vlog

Well this was supposed to be a really awesome vlog about the 10 years I've been a single mum, but it just ended up being me rambling and playing with my hair a lot.

You get that....

A conversation with my mother

I wish my mum had never joined Facebook, and I'm kicking myself for telling her to join.  She stalks my profile every night and interrogates me later about things she just doesn't 'get'.  Subsequently, I've stopped posting anything bloody interesting on my regular profile and had to start a separate 'Fifi' profile.

Another one who's regretting my mother's presence is my daughter.  A 15 year old girl does not need her nanna stalking her either.  I often get calls asking me to clarify something Alex has said or done online.

Below is a transcript of last night's call...

Mum:  You didn't tell me Alex had a job.

Me:  Ah, that's because she hasn't got a job.

Mum:  Yes she has.  She said on Facebook she has a job.

Me:  Mum, I think I would know if my own daughter has a job!

Mum:  Well maybe she doesn't tell you everything.  Have a look at her profile.  Up the top where it says 'Works at'.

Me:  Ok, hang on....

Me:  Ok.

MUMisms

My daughter is awesome, and growing up into such a beautiful young lady, both inside and out.

We don't get a lot of 'mummy/daughter' time these days.  She's usually occupied with friends either in person on online. But we do get some special time.

Lately, more often than not, that time has been in the car on the way to school.  It's a new thing.  She used to walk to school, now she's turned into one of those lazy teenagers I used to hear about - but I don't mind.

It's our time, every weekday, when I can spout - Mumisms.

Topics covered include -

dating/boys/sex

makeup tips

skincare

clothing tips

updates on MY love life

healthy eating

the importance of a good education

when is she going to get a part time job...

Ok...I call it 'special time'..she calls it TRAPPED IN A CAR WITH MY FUCKING MOTHER.

I predict she will start walking to school again VERY soon...

x

In a crazy, noisy room full of bellowing uncles, cackling aunts and screaming kids...

...he gently pushes my hair behind my ear and smiles down at me.

Bliss.

PS - shut UP

White Sheep of the Family?

I have pale skin and pale blue/grey eyes.....but I'm not 'white'.

I'm a first generation Australian of Sri Lankan descent.  

 I look just like my dad, he was from the U.S.  He was 'white'.  I am not.

People think I am.  People think I am like them.  But I'm not.  

People think it's ok to make racist jokes in front of me.  But it's not.

People are far too polite to make racist jokes in front of those of other colour or culture...those who are the butt of their jokes.   But it's ok to make the jokes in front of their 'white mates'...like ME.  They think it's not racist.  But it IS.  

So...to the guy at Kmart who makes fun of the Asian lady who speaks English with a strong accent - how many fucking languages do YOU know and how would you sound trying to speak something other than your native tongue?

To my ex brother in law who made condescending remarks about the table of Chinese people sitting in a Chinese restaurant, speaking.....CHINESE to each other...OMFG.  If YOU were in another country with your family/friends....what language would YOU be speaking?

To the English migrant c*nts who lived next door to my cousins when they were growing up and spray painted "ASIANS GO HOME" on their driveway - You have no idea of the pain you caused two young kids who were BORN in Australia.  The trauma you caused their mother, so much so, that she wouldn't let them outside in the sun in case they got 'too dark' and were made fun of even more.

I love this country, I was born here, bred here.... but sometimes I feel like I am suffocating.  The racism is EVERYWHERE and at every level.  I see it and FEEL it because you think I'm white.

But I'm not.

This post is dedicated to my beautiful cousin/godson Peter, who passed away one year ago today.

The kids and I miss you SO much xxx

Friday Night Fun

Ethan and Nerd Guy

Sydney

So..... we're back!

The trip was great.  The kids and I were thoroughly spoilt.  Not going to waffle on, but here it is in dot points!

• Did the tourist thing (our first time in Sydney - Manly Ferry, Luna Park, Taronga, Opera House, Museum)
• Kids didn't kill each other
• Had dinner at the worst Chinese restaurant EVER
• Shagged each other senseless (got first one in 20 minutes after I arrived!)
• Talked/laughed/cried (ok the crying was just me...)
• Met the mother (eeek!)
• Met the divine KatieP (xxx)
• Met fingers (what a c*nt!)
• Caught my first fish! (first time fishing, ever!)

The photo is at Bams' mum's place on the Central Coast.  I caught the little bream and he caught the big one.  They were delicious!

It's 10 weeks until I see him again.  Missing him way too much already.

But it's all good :o)

Holidays

                                  

That's 2!!  Just 2 weeks 'til I wake up next to Bams :o)

I'm on holidays at the moment...and the best bit is that none of it comes out of my annual leave.  I work at a university and we don't get a lot of the Monday public holidays during the year, but the uni shuts down over Christmas and we all get the time off.  This year it closed lunch time on 22nd Dec and won't open again until 4th January - AWESOME!

Then, I go back to work for just three days before I am on actual leave again and off to Sydney with the kids!!  I can barely contain myself.  But, I've managed to get through seven weeks without him, two more's not gonna kill me (I hope!).

Anyways....

Christmas was the usual.  Not a massive fan but do like to catch up with my crazy rels and see the smiles on my thoroughly spoilt kids faces when they open their presents (yes I spent way too much as usual).  I was spoilt by the kids too and also received the most incredibly thoughtful, hand-made gift from my beautiful man.  Feeling very special at the moment.

Unfortunately it was the usual stinkin' hot Christmas here.  Nearly 40 C yesterday.  Estimated 38 today and 40 again tomorrow.  SUCKS, but we have a heavy duty aircon so I'm not leaving the house for the next 2 days.  Bugger the after Christmas sales, I'm camping out in my loungeroom!

I hope you and yours all had a wonderful day too x

Christmas - 10 years ago...

For Christmas 2000 I ordered 65 copies of this photo for our personalised cards from Kmart.

The woman asked me twice, and then someone called me at home, to make sure THIS was the one I wanted to send out to everyone.

Hell yeah!

A conversation with my mother

So, my mother is one of my Facebook friends.  Don't ask me how this happened.  It just DID.

Anyways, she's hardly ever on there but when she is she stalks me. 

Bams and I loved to muck around on Facebook before we met and we still enjoy having a laugh on there but things can get a little...naughty.

Those of you that read Bams' blog may be familiar with his post on having laser hair removal on his gonads.  That's all I'm going to say really.

The following are excerpts from actual conversations that took place over a couple of days.  Only the names have been changed to protect the.....whatever.

Facebook - Frankie's Status Update (in part) -

 

Frankie - I wish I'd not come in.  Work sucks big hairy balls today (more than usual)

Bams - Well my goal is to make sure you never have to suck big or hairy balls again!  And I'm doing my bit!!

Lara Croft - Get a room!

Conversation the next evening at my mum's for dinner with the kids -

Mum - Were you and Bams talking about rambutans on Facebook yesterday?

Frankie - Sorry...what?

Mum - Rambutans, the fruit.  You were talking about sucking hairy balls.  That's what we called rambutans back in Ceylon.

Alex - *spits food out of nose*

The end.

The Tree

I wrote a few weeks ago about our new/old address and of the magnificent tree the kids played in.  Well here it is in all it's summer glory.

It's a liquid amber.  The owners prune it right back every winter so it's developed a really sturdy inner structure and is covered in lush new growth every year.  Just perfect for climbing.

But, the kids don't just climb it.  They bloody live up there!  I thought my daughter, at 14, may have outgrown it but she and her friends are up there nearly every afternoon...ipods and phones in tow.  They just hang around up there for...well, it's been 2 hours now!

I took some photos of them earlier but I can hear some more kids up there now.  As I write this, it's 6.30 on a beautiful summer evening and there are about 8 kids up there (I just ran out and counted).  You can't see ANY of them (but they are quite loud).

Here are some photos.  The bottom one was taken 8 years ago, when Ethan was around 3 and Alex was 6.

We LOVE the tree :o)

Flashback 2002...

Together Apart

So.....after last week's pathetic attempt at trying to do a VLOG update on my love life (below), I thought I would give it another go - 

It's going well.  REALLY well.

Today marks four weeks since Bams left and things are just...... lovely.

I thought our time apart would be excruciating.....but it hasn't been.  Things have just gotten better and better.  

Because we can only express ourselves with words (and the occasional pornographic photo), we've become closer than ever.  And as much as I would love to be near him, (instead of 4000 kms away), I can honestly say that I wouldn't change a thing.

Yeah, I'll admit I've had a couple of moments where I've let my over active imagination get the better of me, and have had what can only be described as a 'spazz', but overall, it's been just DELICIOUS.

And what's most delicious is the anticipation of when we will see each other again.  It's not like before, when we hadn't met yet.  It's different now.  And, I'm sure after our next meeting, it will be different again.  And what a meeting it's going to be!

In less than five weeks time Fifi, Bams and five kids aged from 11 to 15...together, in Sydney, for 8 days.  S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y.  I'm beside myself with excitement! (ok...and a little fear).  I just can't wait.  But I have to.  So, I will continue to enjoy all the romancing between now.......and then :o)

And, in January, we'll hatch plans for .... the next time.

See through balloons

So a while back, before I moved house,  I regularly had my fortnightly shopping home delivered.  It's frikkin' awesome.

One evening a particularly hot delivery guy turns up with my order and I can't help but flirt a little.  I love Coles....yes I do...and they always slip me a little something extra with my order, ya know..free samples.  This week it was some men's deodorant.

Now obviously there ain't no 'men' residing in my home (Ethan doesn't count as I don't think he even has pubes yet) and I thought, under the circumstances ie (me being a desperado born again virgin....well back then I was anyways ;op) I should give it a crack..so I did a massive hairflick and announced "well that's not gonna be much use around HERE" *flutters eye lids*.

He chuckled to himself and toddled off.  Damn, it was worth a try.

I unpack the shopping and a few minutes later Alex shouts from the front hall "hey mum, I think he liked you, he's left you some more freebies!"  and produces two condoms..all bright and fancy like.  "Maybe it was a hint" (shut UP 14 year old).  

I actually entertained the idea for about 20 seconds, until I realised the teenager, rolling on the floor pissing herself laughing in front of me may be an indicator that someone was being had and was advised that they weren't a present from very tight King Gee shorts guy after all but a sample from health class.

You are fucking hilarious young lady.

She then asks if I have any more condoms as they need them for a 'health class project'.  I thought this sounded like bullshit and told her that I did not.  A few minutes later Ethan shouts out from the bathroom "yes you do!!".  Fuckers.   "There's a whole box in here and they are past the use by date".  Yeah rub it in why don't you?

"Ok you can bloody have them" *sulks*.

So...about an hour later I realise I have not seen or heard from either of the kids for a while.  This is unusual. They fight like cat and dog unless....they are working on something together.  And that 'something' is more often than not - devious.

I hunt them down, follow the giggling, barge into her bedroom to be confronted with a room full of...... these.....

Please don't call Child Services.

Like a woman possessed

My head is spinning.  So much has happened in the last 7 days.  This time last week I was distraught at the prospect of having to move AGAIN (3rd time in 3 years).  Our lease expired last Monday and I got a call from the agent that day advising that the owner was selling.  

I instantly went into 'losing my shit' mode.  

The agent tried to reassure me that it wasn't a 'fait accompli'.  We may be able to stay, if an investor buys it.  But, that would still mean a 'Home Open' every f/night and us hanging by a thread not knowing what the future would bring.

Well fuck that!

I decided to take my power back and pre-empt any move.  I started looking Tuesday.  I wasn't sure if it was the right decision, but ex-hubby stepped up and said he'd pay for the move so I thought I'd roll with it.  And I'm so glad I did.

We are moving 'home' :o)

Eight years ago when I split with my husband, I moved up from a semi-rural area to an inner city suburb.  It was a big move.  It was scary, and I felt completely alone...but not for long.

I moved into a little street that leads to a park.  But this wasn't just any street.  This was a street where the neighbours care.  They want to know you.  They hang about on the verge and chat, day or night.  The kids play on anyone's front lawn, at any time, even if you are not home.  There was 'the tree' - a beautiful climbing tree that swallowed up several children at a time.  On summer days when there wasn't a sign of a single child in the street, if you stood under that tree, a faint giggling could be heard.  It was a good street.  

My next door neighbours were the BEST.  A couple in their sixties who acted as surrogate grandparents for my two (who were 3 and 6 when we moved in).  They looked after me through my hip injury, took me shopping, to the physio and made sure the kids got to school.  I sat with them and held their hands when their baby grand daughter died.  They were like family.  

We lived in that street for six years.  I'll always consider it where the kids 'grew up'.  And then, one day, we had to leave.

That was 3 years ago.  We've still kept in contact but it's not been the same..until now.  I found a house..right next door to where I lived before - in the street!

We are so excited!  The house had only been advertised that day when I found it online.  The owners had spent two weeks re-painting, putting in new window coverings and getting the landscaping organised.  It's a great little house (and I knew I was going to take it straight away as I'd been in that house a hundred times before).  Yesterday the agent confirmed my application was successful.

I drove down the street on the weekend.  Word had gotten around that we were coming home.  One of my old/new neighbours spotted the car and rushed out to get the gos' on whether we were really moving back.  It was a beautiful feeling...no really, it was gorgeous.

I'd been worrying whether it was the right decision, as the house is a little more than I can afford, but after the greeting I received and the excitement on my 'family's' faces, I knew this was going to be a wonderful thing for me and the kids.

So, I've been running around like a woman possessed and I've got most things sorted.  Removalists - TICK, electricity - TICK, gas - TICK,  phone - TICK...now it's just.........the packing.

Here we go again......

A conversation with my daughter (Facebook Edition)

Recently I noticed that my 14 year old had changed her Facebook profile photo to one of her in a bikini.  The photo comments went as follows.

Frankie - Put some clothes on young lady.

Alex - Well put your norks away mummy.

Frankie - Ok, let's call it a draw.

The end.

R.I.P.

On Thursday 29th July at 1.30am my beautiful cousin Peter died. He was also my god son. He was 33 years old, had just built a beautiful new home with his fiance, bought a new puppy and was expecting his first child on Valentine's Day next year.

Many of you will already know this via Facebook but I had to write it here. My sister didn't think I should blog about it, but I need to. I've been putting it off but if I don't do it now, I simply can't blog about anything else. It would all be a lie if I didn't include his death, as part of my life.

So he died. It was unexpected, senseless and a waste of a beautiful soul. Our family will be broken without him. His mum and my mum are sisters. We are all very close. It's been hard.

The funeral was the Friday a week after his death (about 300 people attended), and this morning my aunt, his fiance, his brother and my sister, scattered his ashes in the river at a memorial park near where his mother lives.

There's so much I can say about Peter, so many things that make it all the more tragic but, it doesn't matter, because...he's gone.

RIP Beautiful Boy.

EDIT - oh and his favourite colour was purple....

Oh Noes!

It's happened! My girl Alex announced on Monday night that she 'has a boyfriend'.

Nooooooooo!!!!

She turns 14 next week...my baby.

Prayin' to God (notice how there IS conveniently a God when I choose there to be one?) that she's nothing like I was at that age. Although...I guess I was still pretty innocent at 14. But it was a fast and slippery slope over the next year and by the time I was 15 I was toting one big hunka manflesh on my arm. He was two years older than me, and had the testosterone and body of a twenty year old. Needless to say, I wasn't innocent for long.

Not so worried about Alex at this stage. This is her first boyfriend. He's in her year at school. I did a 'mini-stalk' of him on Facebook last night and, quite frankly, I can't imagine he's even got any pubes yet.

So I've established some ground rules and gonna play it by ear.

Alex herself said she doesn't quite know what 'going out with' actually entails...and right now it just means hanging around in the same group at school and telling everyone you are 'going out'.

At the moment there's a 'double date' in the planning with Alex, The Boyfriend, one of her best friends and her new boyfriend (they apparently all started 'going out' last Thursday, in some sort of mass, synchronised love frenzy). No doubt this will just involve the movies and McDonalds...an outing that she and a mixed group of friends have been doing on a regular basis over the last year, so I'm happy with that.

My baby's all grow'd up.

Ethan is thrilled, probably at the anticipation of all the shit he can give her about it. I warned him to give her a break as one day he'll have a girlfriend and shit always comes back at you.

He doesn't care.

The conversation concluded with him kindly pointing out - "mum, you are going to be 50 by the time I have a girlfriend".

Little fucker.

You know you're hot when.....

...your daughter tells you that her friend, who met you for the first time yesterday, said - "your mum is pretty sexy for an old lady".