Wednesday, January 26, 2011

When I was a Rock Chick - Part 1



I wasn’t always a single, working mum.  I was married once.  Before that I was a party girl, and before that……I was a rock chick.

The 80’s was an awesome time to be growing up in Oz, and the music of the time, was a big part of the magic.   Before the internet, CD’s and iPods, we spent hours sitting in front of our radio’s waiting for our favourite song to be played and, when we heard those first few notes, leapt across the room to hit ‘record’ on the cassette deck….. ahhhh the mixed tape!   I remember spending a WHOLE weekend camped in front of my stereo/radio waiting for U2’s ‘Two hearts beat as one’ and when I finally captured it – I ran a victory lap around the lounge room. 

That lounge room was in a tiny flat, near the railway line that I shared with my boyfriend.  I was with him from age 17 to 20.  He was an abusive paranoid schizophrenic, but I was in love with him, so I stayed.

Spending three years of your life, terrified, is not pleasant.  Every move I made was scrutinised.  Everything I did, everything I wore, everywhere I went, was questioned.  I got anxious merely walking past him.  I never knew when that arm was going to lunge out, grab me and throw me against a wall.

I was not allowed to buy new clothes, go out with my friends, or wear makeup (which was quite distressing at the time as I had bad acne).  I lost touch with all my friends, took drugs and got very thin.   ‘Frankie’ ceased to exist for a while there.

I tried to run a couple of times.  The local cop shop was just a block away.  I remember running down the footpath at midnight in my nightie, hoping desperately that someone was on duty but, the lights were all off.   I had nowhere to go, and ended up being pushed backwards over the brick wall surrounding the carpark.  I was dragged home by my hair.

But, in 1985 I got out.  Fuck me, I don’t know how I did it, I was sure he’d kill me……but I did it.  I was finally free….. and I was 8 weeks pregnant.

I’m not going to go into my thought processes at that time other than to say I was 20 years old and was not going to continue a pregnancy that would see me permanently linked to a psycho.  So….that was that.

I moved back to my mum’s.  My younger sister was still at home and we took the opportunity to do some much needed bonding.  This involved mostly just drinking and smoking mull, but it was bonding nonetheless.

Much to my surprise she had joined a cover band, as keyboard player.  We’d both had piano lessons when we were younger but neither of us thought it would ever amount to anything….fun.  I can’t remember how she got started but I do remember being thrilled to bits and tagging along to band practice.  The band was called ‘Burning Boxcars’ (hahaha, don’t laugh).  Much to my further surprise (and delight) my high school sweetheart (and the guy who whisked away my virginity) was the drummer! 

It took the drummer and I about two days to hook up again and suddenly I was the ‘roadie/door chick’.  Unfortunately I didn’t see much action (in the band area) as they didn’t get that many gigs!  Nevertheless it was fucking awesome to be part of it! 

A few months in, my sister broke up with the guitarist.  It was messy.  End result – she left the band and went to Seattle!  So….. here is a cover band, repertoire finally sorted, new name, all ready to hit the local scene, and NO KEYBOARD PLAYER or back up vocalist.

"Ummm….excuse me guys but, I can play".

My initial attempts were met with a resounding "No fucking way",  the lead guitarist being my greatest opponent.  He was dead set against anymore ‘in-band' relationships (I was living with the drummer by now). 

I wouldn’t let it go.  Every time they practiced I would flick on the spare mic and belt out the harmonies for all their songs.  I have a fucking good voice! (and I sound just like my sister). 

In the end, I wore them down.

I was in!

To be continued…


(for Bams)

19 comments:

Bambam said...

So your father passed away when you were still 16... 6 months later you enter into a 3-year dyfunctional, abusive relationship, and at 20 you finally muster the courage to get the fuck outa there.

Why is that? Because you have a survivor's spirit.

So you hang around and nag the band until they let you in.

Why is that? Because you're not afraid to "go for it" when you want something.

Two very good qualities, honey.

Can't wait for the next chapter xoxo.

Frankie said...

Thanks baby x. You know that 'resolve' you say see in my profile pic? That's where it came from.

lastchancetraining said...

It's interesting to see your history Frankie. Mine is pretty boring in comparison. I did work in a Japanese restaurant though.
xoxo

Frankie said...

Hey Liz. Yeah I do feel like I've had an interesting life. Although sometimes I wish it had just been 'normal'. But, then I would have become someone else....and I do quite like ME!

As a Scottish belly dancer once said to me "You're a better woman because if it, not in spite of it".

Fusion said...

Normal sucks.
Did it most my life.
Just saying.
Looking foward to part two!

Flea said...

That's aswesome Frankie, well done for getting out! When you describe your relationship you pretty much describe my first marriage! Glad we both found the strenght to stand up for ourselves and move on to a better life! Looking fw to ch 2! IF I didn't end up in that relationship I probably would've been in a band as well, how bizarre hey, but mine came visa versa than yours. My dad was a drummer and I played piano in school.
I stook for ages next to the keyboard player and admire her, so wanted to do that one day.

Now we are just two very strong women we can conquer the world! :-)

Frankie said...

Fusion - yeah, bugger normal! Part 2 coming soon.

Flea - wow! so many similarities, I had no idea! Yes we ARE strong women and we can deal with ANYTHING !!

K said...

<3 this entry Frankie, can not wait for Part 2

fingers said...

Bammers is one lucky bastard to have found you, Frankie.
After all that abuse, he could be Ivan Milat and he'd still seem like Chris Isaac to you.
I bet he could give you a bag of baby rocket lettuce from Woolies for Valentine's Day and you'd still see a dozen roses in his tiny doll-like hands...

Frankie said...

K - glad you liked it. Part 2 is brewing! Just need to scan some photos!

fingers - yes he does seem like Chris IsaaK and has a voice to match. My darling little man...

Funnily enough, you still seem like a CUNT...

Bambam said...

Rocket lettuce? Don't give her that impression mate...

Iceberg, MAYBE!

Frankie said...

You just negated your first comment...

Nicole said...

Hey Frankie !! I had a psychotic emotionally abusive, possessive cunt once too... There are way too many parallels to mention. Although I was never a rock chick. But I DID have sex with the now drummer of wolf mother... on about 4 occassions. :D

Frankie said...

Nic - I'm sure there's a lot more women who've gone through a similar thing, than we realise. It's just not talked about. But, look what strong women we've become!! Nice work with the drummer...

Hilary said...

Isnt it amazing what so many of us have gone through, you have had an interesting life!

I lived with a boyfriend once who was a drug-dealing psychotic depressant, who kept trying to kill himself. I lost count of the number of times I had to take him up to the hospital because of another deliberate pill overdose. I felt trapped because although I wanted to leave, I couldn't, because who would be there to save him then?

These things do make us stronger though, and make us who we are today!

Frankie said...

Hils - yeah I kinda felt responsible for him a bit too as he was really fucked up. He did a LOT of dangerous stuff that could very well have ended him.

I thought he was the man of my dreams when I first met him. What a fucking nightmare he turned out to be!

Glad you got out too x

Memphis Steve said...

Good Lord, it seems like every woman in Australia has lived a far more exciting, and pretty damned rough, life than just about anyone I know. So you were an '80s rocker, eh? I'll bet you looked good in your Tiffany Hat and leg warmers.

Frankie said...

Memphis! Don't get me started on 80's fashion. I had purple, hairy leggin's and white fringed leather boots. I also had something resembling a clown suit....but I don't talk about that much...

Iris Flavia said...

My first boyfriend was psychotic, too, but never hit me with his hands.
It took dumb me 5 long years to go.

Wow, you´re really very strong!

When is part 2 coming?