Thursday, February 26, 2009

Diary of a Stalker

Monday 23 February 2009

Dear Diary,

Today I was driving along in my car and I saw Blockbuster Guy's vehicle go by. I just so happened to be going in a similar direction so I followed him and watched as he pulled into the bottle shop at the roundabout.

I couldn't very well pull up next to him (like a stalker) so I just went around the roundabout twice, like an idiot instead. Then I pulled over in a carpark across the road. I watched him go into the bottle shop and realised I didn't like his shorts much, and that maybe his legs are too short for his body, somewhat like a hobbit. I rarely see his legs behind the counter at Blockbuster.

I considered waiting for him to come out and then follow him to see where he lives but I had to pick my son up from a play date so I left.

The end.

Wednesday 25th February 2009

Dear Diary,

Today I look like shit. My hair is greasy and my eyemake-up looks like something out of a horror movie but I took Ethan swimming anyway. Pool Guy turned up. Luckily I was sitting halfway back in the seating and not the front row, so when he sat in the front row I could perve on him from an angle and he couldn't see me (as using my peripheral vision superpowers makes me feel seasick). BUT I did wear my glasses this time which served two purposes..1. so he couldn't see my raccoon-like eyes and 2. so I could see if he was wearing a wedding ring. However, he insisted on crossing his hands behind his head almost the entire time so I saw NOTHING.

No strip show today either. But the tight blue t-shirt was still a very nice look.

The end.

Thursday 26th February

Dear Diary,

Today I'm having a really good hair day.

The end.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Me too! Questionnaire

Well everyone seems to be posting this but I thought I'd take a tip from Nicole and just post my answers here instead of in everyone's comments. Here you go.

1. Can you cook? Yes, but enjoy it more when I don't have to but just want to.

2. What was your dream growing up? - In school - to be a scientist, after I dropped out of school - a that I'm back at school..a scientist..

3. What talent do you wish you had? - I wish I could draw or paint, I'm crafty but can't draw.

4. Favorite place? At home safe and sound with the kids and the cats when there's a storm outside. I love winter weather.

5. Your favourite vegetable? Lately it's been mashed

6. What was the last book you read? if - oh actually Tom Venuto's book, The Bodyfat Solution - haven't read a novel since I started uni.

7. What zodiac sign are you ? Gemini/Snake

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Ears, navel and nose piercings, Chinese symbol for "hope" tattooed on my lower back, trying to decide on a spot for 'strength' tattoo.

9. Worst Habit? Procrastinating - hahaha Nicole I cut and pasted but didn't have to change that's me too. Maybe it's a gemini thing, we think too much.

10. Do we know each other outside of blogging? I know 2 people on my blog roll in real life, Spiffo and Donna, my sister. I hope to meet more of you in person one day! Kerry, Rachael and I were email buddies before we started blogging.

11. What is your favorite sport? To play - Tennis, To watch - Gymnastics.

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude? I'm pretty optimistic and try to find a good slant on most things (or at least a humorous angle!)

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? - try not to think about how much water I've drunk today

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? Every time I've had to take one of the kids to the hospital.

15. Tell me one weird fact about you: I'm an absolute Sci Fi Junkie..oh and I used to play keyboards and sing in an 80's cover band (yup, that's me wearing fingerless gloves).

16. Do you have any pets? 2 cats Poppy and Abbey and a fish..Timmy

17. Do you know how to do the macarena? No, but I'm sure I could fake it.

18. What time is it where you are now? 9.46pm - oops

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? I've seen "IT" does that answer the question?

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? My acne scars.

21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? Partner in crime of course!

22. What color eyes do you have? Blue/Grey/Green - they change.

23. Ever been arrested? Twice

24. Favorite fictional character of all time? Aragorn - Lord of the Rings..oh sorry that's my favourite fictional character I'd like to have sex with..hmmmmm ok, Officer John McClane..Die Hard - although I'd probably have sex with him too. I'm an action movie junkie also. I feel like I should have said Jo from Little Women, but I'd be lying. No, wait! -Indiana Jones!

25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? Put it in my "what if the car breaks down" account.

26. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Time travel

27. What’s your favorite hangout? The Lounge room - Me and the kids, in the same room at the same time, enjoying a movie together (doesn't happen often)

28. Do you believe in ghosts? Nope

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Watch Battlestar Galactica DVD's (sad I know) oh..and cyberstalk ex boyfriends.

30. Do you swear a lot? Like a trooper

31. Biggest pet peeve? Cheap bastards

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? Someone called me 'enlightened' once.

33. Will you re-post this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? Yes..go on then!

Friday, February 20, 2009

On request

I've had a request or two (you know who you are, and I don't want to embarrass anyone *Kerry* ) for the uncut version of the latest addition to The Hottie Files (see previous post), so I googled madly and here it is. Yup...more bootay!


I'll never get to sleep now.......

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Getting my groove back

That's me and Manpower in 1994, a year before I was impregnated by Gollum (see previous post).
After the show they offered photos with the guys for $5. All the other girls just stood there between guys at the back..but Frankie had other ideas.
Can you spot Jamie Durie? He's the one grabbing my arse (well ok... the one with his hand on my thigh). All the actual excitement occurred after the photo was taken, when my hair got stuck in the young lad's necklace. Took ages to get unstuck. It was pure hell.
I think my main aim from now on is going to be to get my groove back. Yeah I want to lose weight and feel great, but that's part of it. I can work on getting my groove back now and don't have to be 20kgs lighter to do it. I've kinda given up on trying to look good for the past 3 years or so. I don't fit into any of my nice clothes. I refuse to buy any clothes in bigger sizes so I just wear the same thing day after day. I don't really put a lot of effort into my hair or makeup or accessories as quite frankly, I don't want to be noticed. I don't like to make eye contact, especially with attractive men.
However recent events, ie Pool Guy, led me to believe that I do still have my groove, it's just suppressed and tired. Just one week of clean eating and consistent exercise really perked me up and I just have to keep that going and it will become automatic, and I'll feel light and bright all the time. I won't be laying around on half naked men every much as I'd like too, but I'll feel better about myself at the very least. start - buy some summer pants. I've been wearing jeans every day for the last 2 years. I kid you not. Not summer pants, heavy denim jeans. I don't know why I haven't bought myself something nicer. I guess I keep thinking I'll lose weight and fit into my other clothes so I don't want to spend the money, but I haven't lost the weight yet, and it could take another couple of months to drop a size so I have to tell myself that buying some nicer clothes that actually FIT me, isn't giving in, it's just being practical (and more comfortable). So, that's what I'm going to do this week - buy some summer pants. I have to hurry though as all the new winter stock is appearing in the shops and there'll be nothing left but nanna pants.
BTW I didn't get to see Pool Guy last week. My boy decided he couldn't bear another half hour of swimming after spending two weeks straight at the pool for his school swimming classes so he point blank refused to go. I sulked for a while and then told him that I really, really wanted to go next week, and I told him why. He was very excited and asked if there was the possibility of marrying Pool Guy. I told him anything was possible, so he's promised we will definitely go this week! Stay tuned.....

Saturday, February 14, 2009

To my Ex Husband

Dear Dickhead,
Hope you're having a nice Valentine's Day date with that girl you met on the internet last week. I'm having a great time at home with the screaming, fighting, feral kids you impregnated me with and were supposed to have this fortnight so I could have a fucking weekend off!!
Love Frankie

Thanks to Jeh for the link. Click HERE for yours!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I Smell Man Flesh'm not channeling Lurtz from Lord of the Rings, I'm just being pervy.
I took my son to his first after school swimming lesson for the year this afternoon and it was kinda....he he...nice.
He'd just started his lesson when I caught a whiff of something I've not experienced (in person and this close up) for quite some time (ever since I stopped stalking Blockbuster guy)....MAN FLESH.
So, I'm busy reading my magazine and out of the corner of my eye I spy this shape....quite a large shape actually, strolling past in camo pants, leather jacket and carrying a bike helmet (motor not push)....what the???? neck nearly snaps from the force of the sudden movement. Ok...this looks interesting (please God, let him be taking his clothes off).
He puts his gear down in the next block of chairs up, has a look around (oops....I got sprung perving) and takes off his jacket....*sigh* - he's really wearing that t-shirt. At this stage I still hadn't seen his face...ok and I didn't have my bloody glasses on..and there was backlighting, but I did see his perfectly shaped shaved head.
He walks past me on the way to...somewhere....I get to gaze upon him for at least 3 minutes while he walks over to what appears to be his daughter's swimming class (got sprung perving again, this time by the woman two seats up from me). Nice...pants.
Of course I completely ignore him as he walks back over ...... ignore ....ignore .....ignore ....casually gaze up with bedroom eyes and gigantic hair flick just in time to catch his eye...WHAMMO - EYE CONTACT..... he he he.... I'm such a tart.
He was very cute....kinda Italian or Greek looking. Gorgeous eyes and nice skin. Could things get any better?! - he starts stripping off! (serious headache taking hold as attempts to perve with peripheral vision that defies both the laws of physics and physiology). By this time I've nearly passed out but manage to catch a glimpse of his pert derriere in a pair of light blue speedos and his wide muscular back with a tattoo of the Southern Cross up on his shoulder...
...Death by Man Flesh - I could think of worse ways to go.
Anyway, then to the boring bit where I watched him swim laps for 25 minutes while trying desperately to see if he was wearing a ring but I didn't have my fucking glasses on! Luckily his daughter appears to have squad training same time as my young one so I don't even need to stalk him - just turn up, and enjoy the view.