To my ex-husband

I sent this via email to my ex today...

Pinch and a punch on the first of the month.

Happy 20th Anniversary of the day we met.

I don't like you much, but the kids are kinda nice.

Thanks!

He replied that I was quite welcome, and that he thinks they are kinda nice too...


Have a great day back at school my brats xxx

A conversation with my daughter

The following is a transcript of a conversation between myself and my 13 year old daughter, in the car, on the way to their dad's place. I was explaining to the kids that they had to try and act surprised when he told them he was getting back with his skanky girlfriend ...cos I already told them (after he told me not to).

Alex: Why does dad have to get back with her?

Frankie: Because he wants sex.

Alex: Can't he just get a hooker?

Frankie: (PMSL) I think he also wants someone to cook him dinner.

Alex: We'll don't they have hooker chef's?

Ethan: Idiot.

The end.

PS - above photo is self portrait Alex took, copying a Gemma Ward magazine cover. She had a whole make-up studio/photo shoot thing happening in the bathroom...seriously I have no fucking idea what the hell is going on in my house anymore!

Thirteen isn't what it used to be. At that age I was wearing puffy sleeved tops and denim skirts with little farmhouses on them accessorised by long socks and dunlop volley's. Here is ME at 13 (1978).

Could my teeth BE any bigger???

Massive Poo Cherry

Bloody Car!

I knew it! Poo Cherry!! As soon as I decide to spend some money on me me me, bloody universe has turned against me. Waits until I buy an LCD TV with my Rudd money and then decides for my car to overheat and be totally stuffed! I will putt putt down to the garage today but seriously, if it's more than a couple of hundred dollars to fix I am totally fucked. And there goes my Naturopath program as well.

On top of that, darling ex husband called and told me his job may get a little dodgy with all these people being laid off. He's in bauxite mining industry and prices have dropped considerably. FAAAARRRRRKKKKK! As much as I whinge and moan about him he gives me HEAPS of money and has never missed a payment in nearly 8 years. He is the reason the kids and I live in a nice area and they get to go to a nice public school. I feel like I want to throw up.

Anyway....I'm finally in ketosis so the fat should start melting at a nice rate now. It's a good half hour uphill walk back from the service station after dropping the car off so that should help. Although, my body hasn't adapted fully yet and my legs are like jelly so I may end up a quivering mess on the side of the road.

I'd better get moving.

EDIT - well I just got back from the mechanic - new radiator needed. It's gonna be around $350 so I think I can manage it with some creative accounting and by buying black and gold brand groceries for next month or so.

However, walking back from the servo I did manage to see a cement truck being cleaned out on the edge of a lake and nature reserve so I've reported them to the enviromental watchdog people and hopefully the universe with be suitably impressed with me and send no more poo cherries. I'm such a suck.

To my Ex Husband

Dear Dickhead,

Hope you're having a nice Valentine's Day date with that girl you met on the internet last week. I'm having a great time at home with the screaming, fighting, feral kids you impregnated me with and were supposed to have this fortnight so I could have a fucking weekend off!!

Love Frankie

Thanks to Jeh for the link. Click HERE for yours!