Friday, January 30, 2009

Office Food Wanker

Seriously. I've friggin had enough.
I get in this morning and there's a cream sponge on my desk. I suspect office clueless male and I am right. I asked why, as he knows I am trying to lose weight, he would put a cake on my desk. "'s for morning tea" smile..chuckle. Yes, dickhead, but why is it on my desk? "Well Miss Moneypenny isn't here. If she was here I'd have put it on her desk." "But why are you putting it on anyone's desk?? Why can't you put it in the fridge?" "cos it's for morning tea"...chuckle..snortle. Fuckwit.
I've had enough. Firstly, I'm not the cake cutter-up-erer for the office. Secondly he knows I'm on a diet. The only reason I can think of to why he's putting it on my desk is to make fun of me or sabotage my diet so I can be fat and unhealthy like him.

We have a small close-knit office. There's just four of us in an open area and then about four others in smaller offices outside. But, every bastard seems to have an excuse to bring food in to our work area. Especially this time of year with everyone coming back from holidays. Two workmates have brought in boxes of chocolates in the last two weeks....but they didn't put them on my desk. Of course I don't expect everyone to miss out just because I'm on ANOTHER diet but get's ridiculous sometimes.
This particular Office Food Wanker is always bringing in muffins and cakes/biscuits for morning tea whenever he's having a meeting and even though I've repeatedly told him I am not eating crap he still offers it to me... almost like a if he can tempt me to eat it he gets some sort of Champion Office Food Wanker medal or something. Wanker.
So, anyway, I had a bit of a go at him and he still wasn't taking me seriously and had no explanation for why he'd put it on my desk. Then one of my co-workers calls him over and tells him to be serious for a minute and asks him why he did it...seriously..why? Well Office Food Wanker didn't like that and got all narky. Then he came and stood over my desk and got all narky, so I yelled at him and told him to bugger off.
And, now the office is all 'weird vibey' and I'm shitty.
das Ende

Monday, January 26, 2009

Manga Madness

Everybody's gone Manga crazy

Get yours here

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Fly by post

A quickie today as in the middle of cooking up some yummy lunches to freeze for workdays.

Just wanted to say thanks to all you ladies for the lovely comments on my "All or nothing girl" post, they really meant a lot to me and boosted me up :o)
Going to be busy, busy this week - my daughter is nicking off down south to Albany tomorrow morning with her cousins so all the high school prep we were going to do this week has gone down tubes. She won't be back until next Sunday night which means I'll be doing it all myself (if her uniform doesn't fit...stiff bikkies!).
Oh, Jude the Step DVD is fantastic. I didn't actually do it (as I'm going to have to work up to that intensity or I'll stuff myself up again) but I watched it through twice and I am hanging out to give it a go. It's really fun and funky and done to a Latin beat with a drummer behind them. It's half hour long with dynamic warm up and cooldown included but you will be truly knackered by the end of it (well I know I will be!). Oh and the best thing is you need bugger all room to do it. You can adjust the moves and the height of your step according to your fitness level/ability. It's definitely going to be part of my collection.

I'll try and include it once a week in my program AFTER I re-jig it so that I'm gradually building up my cardio time/intensity like I should be, not going all out like a complete dickhead an ending up collapsed in my comfy chair for a week watching zombie dvd's and eating chocolate 'cos I've gone overboard.

Have a great weekend everyone. Might weigh in tomorrow as have a dinner party tomorrow night and I won't be wanting to weigh in Monday!
Hmmm..this was supposed to be a 'quickie' post ..... IF!



Friday, January 23, 2009

For Spiffo...

Jamie Bamber

Don't even get me started!



....just how I like it...

Friday, January 16, 2009

My use by date

So I'm sitting here sucking on a Corona after recovering from another SCORCHING day here in Perth. 42 f*cking degrees.!!! Thing is, this isn't just an occasional occurrence, it happens day after day over here. In for a bit of a cooler change over the next week (30's) but up again after that and it will basically be hot til April.
I don't care about exercise or calories or anything today quite frankly. Work sucked as the aircon was rattling so badly I had to stick tissue in my ears.... and then my brain couldn't breathe and I felt like my head was going to explode so I went home at lunchtime.
Managed to get an hour or two recovery at home in the 'sweat box' and then the 2 hour round trip to take the kids to their dad's place in Mandurah for the weekend. But, I made it back and I'm here with my beer and my laptop recovering.
I haven't had a beer in a long time. I don't know when (or why) I stopped drinking it. When did I start drinking wine instead of beer - and what was I thinking?? This is absolute heaven. I don't drink very often and this has really hit the spot.
I was looking forward to this beer for a few days as I had an unfortunate incident with another beer earlier in the week. It had been another day in the high 30's and I was absolutely knackered. I rummaged through the fridge looking for a Zero Coke (of which there were none) and spotted a Toohey's Blue that had been in there for a while. I cracked it open and flopped down on the couch to enjoy. Needless to say I was crushed beyond belief when I discovered said beer tasted like perfume...yes perfume! I don't know what the hell was going on...even though the after taste was of beer, the initial taste was of perfume, a sickly sweet chemical taste. Hmm....let's just check the use by date...December 2006!!! OMG! And then I remembered....
It was January 2005 and I'd met a fella. We'd had a few dates and the Toohey's Blue was a left over beer he'd brought over on one of our get togethers. Unfortunately things didn't last long as he told me on Valentine's day that he was getting back with his ex girlfriend who had announced she was pregnant with his that sucked majorly. Anyway, I'd kept the beer in the fridge all that time on the off chance I would be entertaining a 'gentleman caller'.
Now we've established previously that I haven't had sex since 5th February, 2005 between approximately 10pm and 10.05pm (with said Valentine's wanker) and that f*cking beer has been sitting there since then! What was I thinking? What the hell was I saving it for? I wasted a perfectly good alcoholic beverage! I feel quite pathetic and ashamed. I should have either drunk it or thrown it away.
Even more tragic is the 11 expired condoms in my bedside table drawer...oh and don't even get me started on the state of the KY Jelly!

Geeez...what's going to expire next - my vagina?????

Monday, January 12, 2009

All grow'd up

So my 12 year old daughter walks into my bedroom today and announces "Mum I think I got my period". Brief Q & A session follows and it is established that she does indeed have her first period.

Now, I've always been very open with her about most things, women's health included, so this was no surprise for her and she was quite prepared for it, but it turns out I was the one who was not prepared - for her level of openness and willingness to discuss it...with everyone!

First she calls her three closest friends (none of who have their period yet) - the conversations all pretty much went as follows -

"Hi there, guess what?.... I've got something you haven't..... guess what it is? it's not it's not a surfboard.'s something you should get before you're 16! If you don't get it you can't have alright I got my PERIOD!"

I waited until the phone and text madness had died down and was looking for the phone to quietly call her dad with the news. Before I had the chance she bounds in..."ooh, and I'd better call dad"....WTF?? Don't I get to call anyone?......"oh and nanna". Damn.

I can't remember this much excitement since she did her first poo on the toilet, but that time it was me making the calls.

My baby's all grow'd up....*sniff*.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Harder Better Faster Stronger

Hey there. I know this has been around for a while but I listen to this Daft Punk song all the time in the car and can't help thinking of these two brothers who did the clip so I'm posting it again. A couple of girls came up with the idea originally and you can see their version here.

But, I prefer the guys for some reason (cos I'm a dirty old woman who loves younger guys??? - Hell yeah! ....SLAP...*ouch*)


Sunday, January 4, 2009

Sex, Lies and Videotape

Ok I'll admit it -I've had a crush on the Blockbuster guy for 6 years!
He's tall (ish), stocky, dark haired and kinda good looking and I've worshipped him from afar (and up close) since I moved to this neighbourhood a year after I split with my husband.

I guess I shouldn't call him the 'guy' as he's actually the owner. The original BlockBuster Guy used to work behind the counter every afternoon. He was a sci-fi nerd (like me) and used to participate in medieval re-enactments and also did fencing (with swords not posts). But he left, and I wasn't remotely attracted to him so don't know why I bothered mentioning it. Back to current Blockbuster Guy...

Now I'm a stalker from way back, although in my day (the 80's) we liked to call it 'espionage' and I haven't really changed much. I know his car and therefore I know when he works (mornings Mon - Fri) and therefore precisely when I should drop in for my 6 Weeklies for $6 (they have to be weeklies 'cos it takes WAY longer to chose 6 movies than it does just 1 new release). So, I pop in about once week and 'cruise' the aisles.

This has been going on for 6 years now and do you think I can work up the f*cking courage to even speak to him?????? Geez I'm pathetic. He used to ask me for my password but now he doesn't even do that, which I guess is sorta flattering. He just zaps my card and gives me the DVD. So... I'm thinking that since he doesn't ask me for my password that he's sending me a subtle "it's ok I know who you are" message. Don't you think? I think..yes I definitely think. Then again, after 6 bloody years I'd be quite insulted if he did ask me for my password. Mystery friend number 1 suggests I say to him "aren't you going to ask for my password?" next time I go in, and when he says "ok, what's your password?", I should answer with - "F*ck me now".
But, it's been so long that I've been going in there I feel like I've missed my chance. I should have spoken to him by now...I mean it's friggin' ridiculous, the way we don't speak to each other. He speaks to other people, why doesn't he speak to me? Hmmm, same reason I speak to everyone behind the counter except him I guess. I do have reason to speak to him. There's a couple of movies I want to ask him about (that I can't find on the shelves) and all I need to do is go in there one morning and ask BUT I won't, now that I've put on weight. I'm embarrassed.

There's a 25kg difference between 6 years ago and now. Bedroom eyes and hair flicks just don't cut it anymore and that's just another reason I'm trying to lose this weight and get my life back, oh and it also happens to be the reason I haven't had sex since 5th February, 2005 (between approx 10.00pm and 10.05pm).

EDIT - I just thought I should add here that I don't even know if he's married or has a ring but that doesn't mean much these days. If I only knew his name I could cyberstalk him and find out.......

Saturday, January 3, 2009

To Fringe or not to Fringe...Help!?

I've wanted a fringe for soooo long, now more than ever. I do remember having a fringe in my 20's and it was a pain in the ass but now that I am in my 40's I am thinking about it again.
Why? I hate my forehead. It's long and got scars on it and it's wrinkly and has a big widows peak and quite frankly I think it ages me. The hair dresser tells me NO every time I ask her about it as she said my cowlicks would not let it sit right. I hate my cowlicks!!! But I've been using my straightener and I can actually get rid of the cowlicks and flatten them out so I think I should be able to do the same with a fringe. I thought I looked good with a fringe. I need HELP!

Here's photo of me now (sorry, kids took the camera on holidays so it's a crappy phone one) and then there's me with fringes from It's a fun site but not much you can do without joining. They only let you try a couple of hairdos.

The photos below were just to give me an idea of what I would look like with a fringe, (not the actual hair do's). My hair is long and layered with the first layer starting at my chin so would just bring some up into a fringe. What do you think?

Going to colour my hair now...that might keep me satisfied for a while.


Why even bother?


Why even bother?