Thursday, July 28, 2011

White Sheep of the Family?

I have pale skin and pale blue/grey eyes.....but I'm not 'white'.

I'm a first generation Australian of Sri Lankan descent.  

 I look just like my dad, he was from the U.S.  He was 'white'.  I am not.

People think I am.  People think I am like them.  But I'm not.  

People think it's ok to make racist jokes in front of me.  But it's not.

People are far too polite to make racist jokes in front of those of other colour or culture...those who are the butt of their jokes.   But it's ok to make the jokes in front of their 'white mates' ME.  They think it's not racist.  But it IS. the guy at Kmart who makes fun of the Asian lady who speaks English with a strong accent - how many fucking languages do YOU know and how would you sound trying to speak something other than your native tongue?

To my ex brother in law who made condescending remarks about the table of Chinese people sitting in a Chinese restaurant, speaking.....CHINESE to each other...OMFG.  If YOU were in another country with your family/friends....what language would YOU be speaking?

To the English migrant c*nts who lived next door to my cousins when they were growing up and spray painted "ASIANS GO HOME" on their driveway - You have no idea of the pain you caused two young kids who were BORN in Australia.  The trauma you caused their mother, so much so, that she wouldn't let them outside in the sun in case they got 'too dark' and were made fun of even more.

I love this country, I was born here, bred here.... but sometimes I feel like I am suffocating.  The racism is EVERYWHERE and at every level.  I see it and FEEL it because you think I'm white.

But I'm not.

This post is dedicated to my beautiful cousin/godson Peter, who passed away one year ago today.

The kids and I miss you SO much xxx

Monday, July 18, 2011

The Return of RollerGirl?

So I'm a skater from way back....or should I say WAS a skater.  Actually I was only a skater for about 3 years, 1979 to 1981, but they were memorable years.  Now, 30 years on I am attempting a comeback!

Seriously,  I am totally obsessed with thoughts of skating again, to the point where I am dreaming about it.

It all started a few weeks ago when I went to the Rollerdrome with Ethan and Nerd Guy.  Nerd Guy can skate.  He's good.  He was a speed skater.  Number 1 son had a ball (see vid in previous post).  I did not skate.  I sat in the corner and watched, took photos, stuffed around on my iphone and surveyed the area for bogan threats... (assessment - Bogan Defcon - 4).  But, I was quietly SPEWING.  I wanted to be out there, but couldn't, due to dodginess of my lower back/sacrum from early this year.  Serves me right for not doing my rehab.  Not so much the skating part I was worried about, but the falling down part.

And then the dreams started...

See, the thing is - I thought I could still skate.  I thought I was just gonna get up there, take off and whiz around with the wind in my hair and Lady Gaga in my ears, leaving all and sundry in my dust.  It never occurred to me that actual skating would be the problem.

I started dreaming about skating, about about three times I think.  And these were positive dreams, so it appears that even my subconscious had no idea how fucking unco' I'd become.

Ya see usually if you are worried about something you have one of those 'disaster dreams'.  You know the ones.  You have an exam the next day - you dream that your alarm doesn't go off and you miss it.  You have a date  the next day - you dream you sprout a massive zit on the end of your nose...  

But, in my skating dreams I was totally fucking awesome.  I'd whack on my skates and I was off...rolling like the wind.  Nerd Guy featured in a couple of the dreams but in the last dream, during the couples skating song, a guest star made an appearance.  It was Eric Dane ... McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy.  SERIOUSLY.    Oh we had such fun, skating around hand in hand.  He'd occasionally flip around and skate backwards, gazing longingly into my eyes... but I digress...

So...yeah, really thinking I can skate at this stage.  I just assumed it would be like riding a bike...a skill that would just kick in when needed.  

I was wrong.

The other day (first day without rain for ages) I put my original skates on (apart from a change in wheels back in the 80's) and stepped out onto the front paving.  

One step, chucked the splits, splat.

That's how far I got.  That photo up top....not staged.  I refused to get up until Ethan came out and took a photo of me (even in pain I was thinking of Facbook/Blog value).  He had to help me up. I couldn't even stand up without losing it. He then DEMANDED I take my skates off.  There was a genuine look of fear in his eyes.  Not wanting to traumatise my baby boy, I obliged.

The next day at work I madly googled "skating lessons".  My plan - to undertake secret, intense training and surprise Nerd Guy.  I don't merely want to not fall down, I want to skate backwards, do clever shit.  I wanna be good!  It's also great, low impact cardio (again, if you do NOT fall down).

So that's the plan.  Of course I'm crap at keeping secrets and divulged  said cunning plan immediately to His Nerdness, who then offered to teach me himself.  While a lovely, romantic gesture (visions of Robby Benson teaching that blind chick to skate in the movie 'Ice Castles' here if you are too young to remember), there is no way I am looking like an absolute frikkin' r'tard in front of Nerd Guy and his friends.

No way.

I'm not.

I mean it.

Eric understands...