So I'm a skater from way back....or should I say WAS a skater. Actually I was only a skater for about 3 years, 1979 to 1981, but they were memorable years. Now, 30 years on I am attempting a comeback!
Seriously, I am totally obsessed with thoughts of skating again, to the point where I am dreaming about it.
It all started a few weeks ago when I went to the Rollerdrome with Ethan and Nerd Guy. Nerd Guy can skate. He's good. He was a speed skater. Number 1 son had a ball (see vid in previous post). I did not skate. I sat in the corner and watched, took photos, stuffed around on my iphone and surveyed the area for bogan threats... (assessment - Bogan Defcon - 4). But, I was quietly SPEWING. I wanted to be out there, but couldn't, due to dodginess of my lower back/sacrum from early this year. Serves me right for not doing my rehab. Not so much the skating part I was worried about, but the falling down part.
And then the dreams started...
See, the thing is - I thought I could still skate. I thought I was just gonna get up there, take off and whiz around with the wind in my hair and Lady Gaga in my ears, leaving all and sundry in my dust. It never occurred to me that actual skating would be the problem.
I started dreaming about skating, about about three times I think. And these were positive dreams, so it appears that even my subconscious had no idea how fucking unco' I'd become.
Ya see usually if you are worried about something you have one of those 'disaster dreams'. You know the ones. You have an exam the next day - you dream that your alarm doesn't go off and you miss it. You have a date the next day - you dream you sprout a massive zit on the end of your nose...
But, in my skating dreams I was totally fucking awesome. I'd whack on my skates and I was off...rolling like the wind. Nerd Guy featured in a couple of the dreams but in the last dream, during the couples skating song, a guest star made an appearance. It was Eric Dane ... McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy. SERIOUSLY. Oh we had such fun, skating around hand in hand. He'd occasionally flip around and skate backwards, gazing longingly into my eyes... but I digress...
So...yeah, really thinking I can skate at this stage. I just assumed it would be like riding a bike...a skill that would just kick in when needed.
I was wrong.
The other day (first day without rain for ages) I put my original skates on (apart from a change in wheels back in the 80's) and stepped out onto the front paving.
One step, chucked the splits, splat.
That's how far I got. That photo up top....not staged. I refused to get up until Ethan came out and took a photo of me (even in pain I was thinking of Facbook/Blog value). He had to help me up. I couldn't even stand up without losing it. He then DEMANDED I take my skates off. There was a genuine look of fear in his eyes. Not wanting to traumatise my baby boy, I obliged.
The next day at work I madly googled "skating lessons". My plan - to undertake secret, intense training and surprise Nerd Guy. I don't merely want to not fall down, I want to skate backwards, do clever shit. I wanna be good! It's also great, low impact cardio (again, if you do NOT fall down).
So that's the plan. Of course I'm crap at keeping secrets and divulged said cunning plan immediately to His Nerdness, who then offered to teach me himself. While a lovely, romantic gesture (visions of Robby Benson teaching that blind chick to skate in the movie 'Ice Castles' ...click here if you are too young to remember), there is no way I am looking like an absolute frikkin' r'tard in front of Nerd Guy and his friends.
I mean it.