Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Brain explosion

Feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment. I had yesterday off work and am taking today off as well. Don't know what's triggered it. Just been building up I guess. I just couldn't go. Maybe a little depressed? I'm already on antidepressants (have been for years for anxiety issues and as treatment for FMS) so don't think that's the issue. Everything just seems too bloody much at the moment.
The house, the kids, work, my weight loss attempts, my ex husband. I know others deal with all this and usually I'm fine. Normally you can add 'study' to that mix and then words like "Superwoman" start being bandied about in my general area. But right now, the thought of study throws me into an absolute panic attack. I can't even get my head around filling in permission slips for the kids excursions, let alone Neuromechanics!
Fuck this, I'm just a mental wreck. Well I was a wreck yesterday, today I'm not so bad and just in maintenance mode. Had a call from my wonderful friend Ms L who could tell I was down and she talked me through it and made me get up off my butt and start doing a few things to change it, like cleaning my room (aka garbage tip).
So, I've done a huge re-organisation...filled up a whole recycling bin full of crap, bought heaps of roll away containers for under my bed and have halfway made my room beeaauuutiful. Still need some nice floaty curtains and a makeup mirror and will get those when I see Mr Rudd's stimulus money has gone in. Then it's on to the rest of the house.
I'll work tomorrow and finish up anything urgent that has landed on my desk this week and then am requesting a week's leave. Things are going to get crazy there in the next couple of months. I thought I was going to be out of work but now it looks as though I'll be moving from the finance side into the project management side. It's great, as I will get paid more and can drop my hours to allow more study time next semester. Anyway, it's the lull before the storm now so will take a nice week off while I can and really get my shit together. I have a rental inspection next week too so will allow me to really get stuck into some serious re-organisation.
Nutrition hasn't been too crash hot this week. Probably eating around my maintenance level but a lot higher in carbs than usual. I'm usually around 35 - 40% and I've easily been up around 65% this week (comfort food). My weight has spiked and feeling yuck. Won't be expecting a loss on the scales this week (possibly a fluid gain too). Weight loss not my priority this week. Just maintain and don't have a brain explosion....that's the plan!
Not even taking the young one to swimming today (his idea not to). I'm afraid Pool Guy is going to have to live without me. Ethan's only doing swimming this term and then it's just going to be school swim lessons from now on so I doubt I will see Pool Guy again. Not much in the 'man flesh' headspace today anyway. It's all about me me me right now.
Thanks for listening.


Kerry W said...

Sorry... that was 'feel at PEACE'

Kerry W said...

I think the 'de-cluttering' will help with the brain explosion. I know it helps me when I de-clutter. Otherwise, it feels like everything is getting on top of you. And I think we create more angst, and it builds, until we can 'de-clutter' and feel like we have things under control again, and feel at peach again. Anyway...that's how I feel when the 'garbage tip' builds up, and I need to get my head cleared.

Rachael P said...

Hi Frankie,

Cleaning day today for both of us. I know how you feel, I get extremly irritated and moody and down when my house is a mess, especially my room. I generally have a massive spak attack and then pull my finger out to clean and wow it makes my whole family managable.

Sorry to hear that your having an off week, just dont beat yourself up too much about it. Try and do a walk or a mini workout to get you feeling energised again. I know its just doing it but it does pull the energy levels up.

Hang in there, we are here to give you a boost again.


LizN said...

Hang in there Frankie, only way is up!

Trudi said...

Dont get too overwhelmed by it all Frankie, and when you have your week off...make sure you dont fill it with too many 'run around jobs' like a mum always does. Hang in there Hugs Trudsxx

Raechelle said...

Damn girl...wish I could just wisk you away into some other place...massage, meditation, facials, healthy food, no kids and a good dose of blockbuster guy and pool guy! But,alas, I can't; I just dont' have those powers! DAMN! So...for now, stay strong-and know that we are all with you in, really! I mean it! don't believe me!? hmph!
Cheers and love dear!

A Healthier Happier Me said...

Hey Frankie,

You are right, it must be in the air.... take care of yourself.. your week off sounds like a fab idea!!

Remember: deep breaths!


Kek said...

Time out and de-crapping is definitely the go. It won't fix everything, but I always feel a lot better.

Hope tomorrow's a great day for you!

Lia Halsall said...

Withdrawing into yourself and venting is always a good start. Hopefully it helped you to see clearer Frankie.

We're always here to listen to you sweetheart. :o)

Lia xxx

Frankie said...

Kerry, yeah starting to feel a lot better now but jeez my room is taking AGES. Making some nice improvements though. Will blog about it when I get to work.

Rach - thanks. Yeah..I had a big 'wobbly' at the kids on Tuesday night, which didn't help things at all. I am definitely feeling boosted now though:)

Liz...don't I know it! Gawd..scraping my knuckles along the ground at the moment!

Trudi, that's going to be the trick I think - to not spend the whole week cleaning (done that before). Want to make sure I get in a movie or two and some really relaxing time. The weekend at the end of it is kid free so that will be an added luxury.

Thanks Raechelle. I did get my Mr Rudd money so might take myself off for that massage next week to!

Hey Ms J. Yes breathing deeply and trying not to hyperventilate LOL.

Hi Kek. Yeah it's not going to be the 'cure all' I know but it will put a nice dent in my stress levels for sure.

Thanks Lia. Feeling a lot better now. Things don't look so HUGE anymore so I've just got to gather my thoughts and get on with it.

Thanks everyone for your comments. They really meant a lot to me. I really appreciate it. I'm going got try not to let things get on top of me from now on. It's just "STUFF" after all :)

RaeC said...

I'll join you Frankie so you don't feel so alone... not that you can with so many people leaving such gorgeous comments!! I had a bit of an overwhelming feeling today so have shut my blog down for a short time. Don't you hate brain splosions!! Hang in there babe xxx

Flea said...

I wish I can say been there done that, but atm I'm still in one too.Maybe we should get together for a coffee one day.

Frankie said...

Hey Rae. I know, sometimes life just catches up with us. I'll be fine and yes, so many gorgeous comments from gorgeous ladies(including yourself)

Frankie said...

Flea. I'm trying not to stay too down. Feeling a bit better now. Yeah...being in a rut sucks.

We'll definitely catch up for a coffee at some stage. Need to get my shit together first. I don't even feel up to meeting new people, that's how crappy I am.

Nicole said...

Hi Frankie

Catching up on some posts. Hang in there. Maybe take some time out for you. You're artistic...why not use it to put shit down in a visual arts journal? I find that's a good way to dump the crap out of my head...

I'm not a fan of the 'superwoman' tag either. We just do what we do. The only expectation we have to live up to is the ones we put on be kind to yourself. hugs to you!

Frankie said...

Thanks Nicole.

Well I've kinda been putting my artistic nature to use by re-decorating my bedroom. Changing it from an absolute bloody mess to a pink glowing, welcoming haven. That's helped HEAPS>

I keep meaning to blog about it but too tired. Will get back to blogging after the weekend I think.

I can finally access your blog! yay!

ss2306 said...

Hope you are feeling better soon Frankie.

Hang in there. Think positive thoughts.

Frankie said...

Hi Shelley. Thanks. I'm feeling a lot more positive now. My head's back in the right place and nothing seems that bad. Cheers

Lia Halsall said...

I'm just doing my weekly rounds visiting and commening on blogs. I know I've already left you a comment but I just wanted to check in to see if everything's okay? :o)

Lia xxx

Frankie said...

I'm ok Lia :) Thanks. I just don't feel like writing at the moment because I start to think too much and I don't want to let everything get on top of me again. Just trying to get through stuff one thing at a time and not look at the big picture (which is what happens if I think!).

I have a few more things to sort this week and I will feel on top of things again.

Thanks xxx

judestone said...

How are you feeling with all of this now?

I think you're doing a cracker job of processing and dealing with this stuff. The decluttering and staking out a special space for YOU is a brilliant strategy and I agree with Kerry that the physical declutter can really help with the mental declutter.

By the way - I love that you've claimed this time to be "all about you". That can only be a good thing.