Brain explosion

Feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment. I had yesterday off work and am taking today off as well. Don't know what's triggered it. Just been building up I guess. I just couldn't go. Maybe a little depressed? I'm already on antidepressants (have been for years for anxiety issues and as treatment for FMS) so don't think that's the issue. Everything just seems too bloody much at the moment.

The house, the kids, work, my weight loss attempts, my ex husband. I know others deal with all this and usually I'm fine. Normally you can add 'study' to that mix and then words like "Superwoman" start being bandied about in my general area. But right now, the thought of study throws me into an absolute panic attack. I can't even get my head around filling in permission slips for the kids excursions, let alone Neuromechanics!

Fuck this, I'm just a mental wreck. Well I was a wreck yesterday, today I'm not so bad and just in maintenance mode. Had a call from my wonderful friend Ms L who could tell I was down and she talked me through it and made me get up off my butt and start doing a few things to change it, like cleaning my room (aka garbage tip).

So, I've done a huge re-organisation...filled up a whole recycling bin full of crap, bought heaps of roll away containers for under my bed and have halfway made my room beeaauuutiful. Still need some nice floaty curtains and a makeup mirror and will get those when I see Mr Rudd's stimulus money has gone in. Then it's on to the rest of the house.

I'll work tomorrow and finish up anything urgent that has landed on my desk this week and then am requesting a week's leave. Things are going to get crazy there in the next couple of months. I thought I was going to be out of work but now it looks as though I'll be moving from the finance side into the project management side. It's great, as I will get paid more and can drop my hours to allow more study time next semester. Anyway, it's the lull before the storm now so will take a nice week off while I can and really get my shit together. I have a rental inspection next week too so will allow me to really get stuck into some serious re-organisation.

Nutrition hasn't been too crash hot this week. Probably eating around my maintenance level but a lot higher in carbs than usual. I'm usually around 35 - 40% and I've easily been up around 65% this week (comfort food). My weight has spiked and feeling yuck. Won't be expecting a loss on the scales this week (possibly a fluid gain too). Weight loss not my priority this week. Just maintain and don't have a brain explosion....that's the plan!

Not even taking the young one to swimming today (his idea not to). I'm afraid Pool Guy is going to have to live without me. Ethan's only doing swimming this term and then it's just going to be school swim lessons from now on so I doubt I will see Pool Guy again. Not much in the 'man flesh' headspace today anyway. It's all about me me me right now.

Thanks for listening.