A conversation with my daughter

Frankie : No, I can't have that I'm on a special diet.

Alex : Mum, why do you always have to be on a special diet? Why can't you just be on a random diet and before you eat something, say to yourself "will this make me fat, or will this make me healthy?"

The end.

Date F.A.I.L.

Now I know I'm going to sound like a superficial cow when I say this but if you have skinny arms, no shoulders, man boobs and a big gut and the dating site gives you the body type option of a) muscular, b) fit, c) average, d) a bit overweight ...which one would you choose? Well I wouldn't fucking choose MUSCULAR that's for sure!! Geeez.

He wasn't a Man O' Wall he was all hunched over and...hulking.

Oh and he was boring and didn't even offer to pay for my coffee!!!

I don't think he was that into me either so it worked out well.

The end.

PS: Yes I'm a bitch but I bought a new shirt FUCKIT.

Vlog time

Valentine's Wish

Finally!

Having coffee (or in my case Chai Latte) with Wall o' Man next Tuesday morning.

That's all I'm going to say about it 'cos I don't want to make a complete dick of myself like I did last time.

Stay tuned....

Here's something to keep you occupied in the meantime.

Mmmm. Bradley Cooper in a couple of shots I captured from the new A-Team trailer.

Nail Polish v Cat & Carpet

So I was having a nice relaxing Sunday and decided to paint my nails.

I grabbed a bottle of dark purple nail polish and walked to the bathroom while giving it a good shake. I was holding it by the lid..yes I know that's bad, but the lid was on really tight.

Next thing I know the actual neck of the bottle has shattered and the polish has flown across the wall, bathroom tiles and carpet.

PANIC

Ok...ok...the carpet is FUCKED so just concentrate on what you CAN clean....

Had bugger all nail polish remover left but managed to get wall and bathroom floor clean before it dried. But the carpet..FAAAAARK.

Remembered I had the book "Spotless" in my collection of books I never read and found a solution involving acetone, a tissue, a metal nit comb and methylated spirits...which I shall attempt tomorrow. Apparently it will be very time consuming (you don't say) but I'll give it a go.

I have a rental inspection in a week or so. Luckily it is right outside the bathroom and I have a nice little rug that will look like it is there for a reason so I should be ok for now.

So..was just starting to calm down....until I saw the cat.

I knew she was in the general vicinity but had no idea she took the full brunt of the spill. Probably lucky for me as it's less carpet to clean. The splash goes from her back leg up to her ear, which is now completely purple (I'd already cut a lot of fur off by the time I took this photo). I'm not allowed to use anything on her so her ear is going to have to stay purple til it wears off.

My bad.

Dating Wasteland

What is it with men?

Wall o' Man gets back in contact with me last Saturday, asking if I'm still available.

I advise him that I am and ask if he still wants to catch up...

It's now Friday.....my kid free weekend.....and.....

N-O-T-H-I-N-G

Lucky I haven't leased the cave out yet.

To my ex-husband

I sent this via email to my ex today...

Pinch and a punch on the first of the month.

Happy 20th Anniversary of the day we met.

I don't like you much, but the kids are kinda nice.

Thanks!

He replied that I was quite welcome, and that he thinks they are kinda nice too...


Have a great day back at school my brats xxx