So a while back, before I moved house, I regularly had my fortnightly shopping home delivered. It's frikkin' awesome.
One evening a particularly hot delivery guy turns up with my order and I can't help but flirt a little. I love Coles....yes I do...and they always slip me a little something extra with my order, ya know..free samples. This week it was some men's deodorant.
Now obviously there ain't no 'men' residing in my home (Ethan doesn't count as I don't think he even has pubes yet) and I thought, under the circumstances ie (me being a desperado born again virgin....well back then I was anyways ;op) I should give it a crack..so I did a massive hairflick and announced "well that's not gonna be much use around HERE" *flutters eye lids*.
He chuckled to himself and toddled off. Damn, it was worth a try.
I unpack the shopping and a few minutes later Alex shouts from the front hall "hey mum, I think he liked you, he's left you some more freebies!" and produces two condoms..all bright and fancy like. "Maybe it was a hint" (shut UP 14 year old).
I actually entertained the idea for about 20 seconds, until I realised the teenager, rolling on the floor pissing herself laughing in front of me may be an indicator that someone was being had and was advised that they weren't a present from very tight King Gee shorts guy after all but a sample from health class.
You are fucking hilarious young lady.
She then asks if I have any more condoms as they need them for a 'health class project'. I thought this sounded like bullshit and told her that I did not. A few minutes later Ethan shouts out from the bathroom "yes you do!!". Fuckers. "There's a whole box in here and they are past the use by date". Yeah rub it in why don't you?
"Ok you can bloody have them" *sulks*.
So...about an hour later I realise I have not seen or heard from either of the kids for a while. This is unusual. They fight like cat and dog unless....they are working on something together. And that 'something' is more often than not - devious.
I hunt them down, follow the giggling, barge into her bedroom to be confronted with a room full of...... these.....
Please don't call Child Services.