So a while back, before I moved house, I regularly had my fortnightly shopping home delivered. It's frikkin' awesome.
One evening a particularly hot delivery guy turns up with my order and I can't help but flirt a little. I love Coles....yes I do...and they always slip me a little something extra with my order, ya know..free samples. This week it was some men's deodorant.
Now obviously there ain't no 'men' residing in my home (Ethan doesn't count as I don't think he even has pubes yet) and I thought, under the circumstances ie (me being a desperado born again virgin....well back then I was anyways ;op) I should give it a crack..so I did a massive hairflick and announced "well that's not gonna be much use around HERE" *flutters eye lids*.
He chuckled to himself and toddled off. Damn, it was worth a try.
I unpack the shopping and a few minutes later Alex shouts from the front hall "hey mum, I think he liked you, he's left you some more freebies!" and produces two condoms..all bright and fancy like. "Maybe it was a hint" (shut UP 14 year old).
I actually entertained the idea for about 20 seconds, until I realised the teenager, rolling on the floor pissing herself laughing in front of me may be an indicator that someone was being had and was advised that they weren't a present from very tight King Gee shorts guy after all but a sample from health class.
You are fucking hilarious young lady.
She then asks if I have any more condoms as they need them for a 'health class project'. I thought this sounded like bullshit and told her that I did not. A few minutes later Ethan shouts out from the bathroom "yes you do!!". Fuckers. "There's a whole box in here and they are past the use by date". Yeah rub it in why don't you?
"Ok you can bloody have them" *sulks*.
So...about an hour later I realise I have not seen or heard from either of the kids for a while. This is unusual. They fight like cat and dog unless....they are working on something together. And that 'something' is more often than not - devious.
I hunt them down, follow the giggling, barge into her bedroom to be confronted with a room full of...... these.....
Please don't call Child Services.
24 comments:
Hahahaha! Outstanding! What do you mean you don't think your lad has pubes yet? Mine give me unsolicited visual updates all the time! "Hey Dad, check it out!"
And my little one found a "balloon" on the street outside the ex's new place. "No pumpkin, that's not a balloon..." A long chat followed that one!
I think it's great your kids are artistic, and making use of unused materials about the house!!!
TLMAO!
funny!
PS @ Bams - Ethan won't let me look!
Bams - the worst part was, when we were packing to move I found the dozen 'used balloons' all deflated and shrivelled up in the bottom of Alex's wardrobe. It was like Northbridge on a Saturday night!
Raechelle - My kid's antics cracks me up CONSTANTLY. Although sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry!
Awwww... bless. Just make sure he washes it properly!!
WV: "Scarin'" !!
bahahahhaha! *spits tea*
hehe
Whats more hillarious, the blog post of the comments between you and Bam.
Em, I'm spitting me tea too.
Your kids are great! What a superb relationship you have with 'em.
Flea I'm straight up with most people and that includes my kids. I think they're awesome little people.
Frankie, if you make my mate Bammers wear a balloon with a face on it, I will have to shoot YOU in the face.
And your dog too...
fingers - deal. And I don't have a dog but will make sure I keep my pussy away from you.
Maybe I'll want to wear one with a face on it... just in case he wants to have a good look up there!!
oh dear...
Happy to shoot your neighbour's dog at worst...
Oh BTW Bammers...that last comment of yours is almost as creepy as Prince Charles' infamous tampon remark...
So that attempt at wit got an "oh dear..." from Frankie and a "creepy" from Fingers.
Proof you can't win 'em all!
Oh that is too funny! I think I like your kids. They should write blogs of their own.
Memphis they are HILARIOUS. My daughter is a talented writer so I might encourage her to start one!
I get my coles groceries delivered too, however I do believe my two delivery men are out to kill all my good work. This morning they gave me three large bags of samboy chips, a box of jatz a block of aero chocolate and some grissini sticks. When I told them that was not my order, the elder delivery man winked and said "it is yours now" so all those extra calories are going to my brother free of charge. if they were daper fellows I would be flattered but they are not....they do not wear the samples of that mens deoderant that you got ;)
xxx
implYing
haha Katie - Score! This week all I received was a sample antibacterial wipe. I don't like what they're impling...
I got the wipe too!, cheeky sods, I guess it is better than one of the masterfood bases they send:-P
Bwahahahahahahaha
I am just catching up on blogland and OMFG that shit is gold!!!
haha vix yeah my kids are hilarious..
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