Friday, October 28, 2011

Living Vicariously - Conversations with my mother...


So I took my Facebook profile down a couple of weeks ago.

No biggie, just having a FB break as spending a bit too much time stuffing around on there when I really need to be doing other things.  Miss my buddies SO much (my gorgeous buddies who are interstate) but needed to just get some balance back...so I'm not there.

My mother noticed....eventually.

I mean ok, she's 75 and going a little bonkers and lately, because she can't stalk me on FB, she just seems to be sitting around making up 'stuff' about me in her head.  Here's the latest.

Now, I'm positive I told her that I was de-activating FB for a while..but she never fucking listens so I'm not surprised she forgot.

She calls me a couple of weeks ago, on the Friday evening.  I've just dropped the kids at the station, grabbed some ice cream and plonked myself down on the couch to watch a DVD when, like clockwork, she calls.  Nothing important...just crapping on about the family etc. 

I finally get off the phone and start watching the movie and an hour later the phone rings AGAIN.  I know it's her.  She's the only person who calls our home phone number.  So, I don't answer it.  Fuck that.  Seriously, I've been working all week and I just want to be LEFT ALONE.  That was the only time it rang.

Next day (Saturday) there are no calls.  Saturday night, while I am at the movies, I notice several missed calls on my mobile, from my mum and her brother (the phone is on silent).  I thought it might be an emergency so I call back.

"Oh my God Frankie, what's happening???!!!!  Where are you, I was so worried about you.  I thought you'd committed suicide!!!".

I AM NOT JOKING.

She was freaking out and beside herself.  Apparently because I missed her calls on my kid free Friday and Saturday nights, I am not on Facebook and, apparently I told her I was broke the other week...I must have 'done something to myself'.

Now...don't get me wrong, I'm glad she cares about me but this is just too much.  Who is this person?  She doesn't know me at all.  I realise it's a serious issue and sometimes there may not be 'warning signs' but really? Just because I don't answer on two occasions and I'm not on Facebook?

THEN.....

She calls me yesterday -

Mum  -  Frances .....(insert real surname here) what's going on? (in her most serious of serious voices)

Me - Ummmm?

Mum - What's really going on?

Me - OMG I have no idea what you are talking about.

Mum - Facebook.  Why aren't you on there anymore?  It's a man, isn't it?

Me - aaahhhh noooooo.

Mum - Oh it must be.  Why else would you take your profile off?  You are trying to stop yourself from putting status updates about your new man up there, like you did with BamBam and Nerd Guy and then getting all embarrassed when you break up.

Me - 1.  I wasn't embarrassed.  2. Facebook isn't the real world mum!!  I'm JUST-NOT-ON-FACEBOOK!!!!!

Mum - Yes ok (with a bemused smirk).


Jeezuz!!!  I need to send a couple of Ninjas around there to burn her fucking Mills and Boon collection...


16 comments:

Memphis Steve said...

I have to admit, earlier tonight I was wondering if you were OK. I had noticed I was locked out of your blog and you had disappeared from my Facebook list of friends. I'm glad that you're OK, though.

Ute said...

OMFG!

I think our Mother's were separated at birth! No shit!

Sure, my mother isn't on FB, but ffs, she asks me THE most irrelevant of questions on a daily basis via email on how my day was.
It gets so tiring. EVERY day.

I mean seriously, how many different ways can you tell her your day was normal?

You 'aint missed much on FB btw. ;o)



Oh hai Steve! *waves*

Casey said...

i feel you pain. That is all.

emma said...

wait, what is that guy on the cover of Passionate Obsession holding in his hand? a savloy???

Miss Tank said...

that's a little bit funny......!!!

Em said...

Hahahhaha! my mother doesn't listen either. She gets weird if i don't answer calls too, but that's what I always do, don't really answer.
Ahhh Frankie, at least its good for a decent laugh. :)
Miss ya.
PS: word verification 'paren' he he

The Stark's said...

Fucken Mothers!

Kek said...

Your poor mum... Bonkers or not, she obviously cares. Mothers are meant to be annoying, anyway.

Ms Smack said...

Mothers, gawd. Mine drives me crazy but thankfully can barely control the remote, let alone any interest in computers/internet.

If she had ANY Idea what I was doing on here, I'd never hear the end of it.

Glad you're okay. I didn't think you'd top yourself by the way. Just re-grouping. It's healthy. FB is good when you get log on, check your mates and log off.

xx

Fifi said...

Memphis - aw I'm always ok xxx

Ute - FB doesn't miss me? What? Not missing endless photos of guinea pigs and cats? :P

Casey - I hear ya!

emma - never mind what it IS, but what's he gonna do with it???

Tank - yeah funneeeee (bangs head against wall) :P

Em - well that's been my plan...to not answer, but now I'm afraid she'll think I'm dead!

Shelley - I concur...

Kek - no we're not! I will NEVER annoy Alex and Ethan :S

Smack - yeah I gotta use it like that. I ended up just sitting on there waiting for stuff to happen hahahaha

Kitty said...

my mum doesn't read my blog or know how to long to facebook.

winning

Fifi said...

Kitty you are SO winning. I, however, am in hellllllllll - but thank god she doesn't know I have a blog... Yet.

Fifi said...

I'm still fat AS btw...

Iris Flavia said...

My Mum doesn´t even know what FB is. Or E-Mail. And she is "only" 70...
None of this is good, huh?

Home-phone-number... same here. It´s only my Mum...

Fifi said...

Iris, my mum has got fast broadband now so she is on there all the time :(. Grrrrrr

Memphis Steve said...

Oh, that suuuuuuuuuuuuucks!!! Thank God my mother can't even turn on the computer.