Scrooge

I'm really not looking forward to the next couple of weeks. As much as I say I will just enjoy Christmas and eat what I like without guilt, I just can't. I feel fat and guilty with every piece of crap I put in my mouth. I feel like I am suffocating sometimes with event after event and food, food, bloody food.

Yes I know I could just say no, and I have been...no to events as well as to the food. Did the work Christmas bash on Friday and felt sick and had stomach cramps most of the weekend. Even though my diet has been far from perfect this last month or so (no weight loss to speak of) I've still been eating good food - just cheating on kids bikkies and muesli bars etc. But, eating those samosas and money bags and pizza on Friday (as well as a couple of drinks)..ugh. My body just wasn't used to all that fat and yuck. Then to mum's for lunch on Saturday...

She's so difficult when it comes to food as if I tell her I am "dieting" she gets all stressed and tries to cook something healthy, but I decided to just let it go and have my fortnightly lunches at her place as my 'cheat' meal. Mum is supposed to be watching her diet as she is overweight, she's got Type 2 Diabetes and clogged arteries, but, it appears she sees my giving the ok to prepare "normal" food as a green light to go all out and an excuse for HER to overindulge. The result is going from a chicken and salad wrap to arriving to chips and cashews on the table, full on roast chicken and fat laden veges, broccoli and cauliflower with cheese sauce and then ice cream for dessert! WTF??? She knows I am still trying to lose weight so what would possess her to serve up something like that?

Anyway, I'm determined not to be my mother, nor any other member of my gluttonous family for that matter so I'm going extra clean until Christmas, then have my 3 planned days that I've got to fulfil lunch/dinners and then I'm done. Kids are off to Coffs Harbour for two weeks with my ex on 29th at which stage I will be chucking any biscuits, muesli bars and any other tempting foods and having two weeks of detoxing and getting back on track. I've got the first week off work too so I really want to just get into a routine for the rest of the holidays. I'm back at uni on 25th February and need to have a routine going by then as it only gets harder once I have to factor study back in.

I am going to use green amber and red tags for the day to stipulate whether I have stuck to plan or not. I pinched this off Shar's blog. It's such a good idea and great for accountability. Green is if stuck to planned diet and training, amber is if stuck to either diet or training. Red is not stuck to diet or training! Hmmmm so far all my days have been amber or red but really want to get into the green YEAH~!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope my friends understand. I feel like I've been saying no to going out for years now - with varying excuses : I'm on a diet, I'm off carbs, I can't fit into any of my clothes, I can't afford it. Been asked out already for a couple of things ie drinks etc when my kids are away but have said no. And, this time it's because I just don't want to. I don't want to go out, for all the above reasons. I know people probably roll their eyes back in their heads as I've been going on and on about getting in shape and losing weight for some time now, but I'm doing it this time. I'm making myself accountable and you can bet I'm going to have my hot new bod plastered all over the internet when I do it!!

That's enough of a rant for today. Not going to work as feeling really unwell since yesterday. Woke up very seedy also this morning. I think I am dehydrated. Should be at work as it's last week before we break up for Christmas for two weeks but if I don't rest I will end up even worse and I've still got a heap of kids stuff on the next few nights, I need to stay on top of things.

Might catch up on some half finished blogs this weekend.

Cya

Frankie