Thought for the day

Hermitizing

Hey there.

I need to hermitize for a while. I'm having major anxiety issues and not sleeping well at all.

Just a combination of a stressful couple of weeks with mammograms and doctors appointments etc, being way behind in my uni reading/study and trying to stay in a diet and exercise routine whilst my 'life' routine is crumbling around me.

Now for the Poo Cherry. The owners are most likely putting the house on the market. Not only that, but my lease expires end of October when 3 major assessments are due and right before exam study week.

I'm trying to be positive as they could just sell to someone else who will rent to us but it's most likely a 'knock down' job which means we are out. Won't be for a little while though as it takes time for the plans etc.

I just can't bear to put the kids through another move as they last one was really devastating for them, having to move from a place we'd rented for 5 years and where they'd virtually grown up. We've been here nearly two years now and they've really only settled in over the last year.

It's going to be hard to find another place we can afford in the area but there is no way I'm going to make the kids change schools so we'll live in a dump if we have to.

Also if it goes on the market I have to allow the agent and random fucking strangers to just walk through my house. I'll have to keep it clean and tidy all the time, which is extremely difficult for me right now.

So...I'm sitting here having a panic attack as we speak. My head is spinning and I feel like I can't breathe. I just want the next 3 months to be over.

I'm still continuing with the 100 Day Challenge etc but just haven't got the mental energy at the moment to write posts, read posts or participate in forums. I might be fine in a week, it might be a month, I really don't know.

So. I'll see you in a bit.

French Cuisine

Guess who's discovered the French Rugby Calendar?

...um... yeah. That would be me.

'cos Vicki begged...

So there it is. It's only two hours old. It will drop HEAPS as my hair's so long. It's permed enough to be able to scrunch it upside down for a head full of curls but soft enough so that I can still blow dry it straight like I normally have, but it will have more body (cos when you get old half your fucking hair falls out and the rest looks limp). I will post a better photo when it drops.

I had a perm...

.....The End

Speaking of boobies...

...I had a mammogram and breast ultrasound today.

I have lumpy boobs to start with and they are very firm and dense so it's really difficult to 'feel' for unusual lumps......to tell what is 'normal' lumpiness or not.

The doctor sent me off for an ultrasound 3 years ago for this very reason, and they found what they suspected to be a fibroadenoma in my right breast. I had a biopsy done, it was confirmed to be benign and I went on my merry way.

I saw the doctor again last week about my lumpiness and she thought it would be a good idea to get tested again, this time having a mammogram as well.

So, had that done today and they found another bloody fibroadenoma, this one in the left breast. They also had a look at the original one to make sure it hadn't changed or grown at all, which it hadn't. Actually the new one is only 'probable' also, I have to have another biopsy to confirm it (groan).

Now I know it's quite boring and depressing waffling on here about breast lumps but the reason I am posting about it is because neither my doctor or I could feel these lumps. We felt other lumps, all of which turned out to be normal tissue, but not these lumps.

Even though we knew exactly where these 7mm and 9mm masses were, we both still could NOT feel them, and that's the scary thing. Yes, mine is probably benign, but it could have been more serious and I wouldn't have felt it, even though I do check my breasts.

So, don't wait until you're 50 for your free mammogram, especially if you're breasts are particularly firm (and luscious) like mine. Go and get one earlier. Just to be safe. OK? xxx

Weapons of Mass Destruction

Frankie doesn't run. She's not fit enough. She has injuries, she has Fibromyalgia...blah blah blah.

I haven't done anything resembling running since January. That wasn't really running, it was just jogging intervals on the treadmill. I wasn't able to continue though as I got severe ankle and shin pain during the intervals. I just resigned myself to the fact that I was never going to be able to do it.

So, since April I've been incline walking, and that is all. I've been religiously walking, 5 nights a week for a minimum 45 minutes. Not a steep incline, only around a 3 and only walking at around a 5. It didn't feel like it was doing anything. But I was wrong.

Today I got out into the shed for my back and arms workout, which was hard. It hurt. My shoulders burned (and not a good burn, an inflamed burn). I decided I really needed to come back in here and have a whinge post 'cos I was really feeling sorry for myself. But, I finished the workout and decided to hop on the tready for a short walk first.

So there I was, walking along and suddenly I decided I'd try some intervals. I'm pretty carbed up after the weekend and thought I'd give it a go.

And then something happened - I ran!

I didn't mean to. I just thought I'd increase the speed a little, up to where I would normally jog, but it just didn't seem fast enough so I kept going..right up to the top of the yellow bit on my scale..10! I have only ever jogged at between 6 and 7. And there was no ankle or shin pain whatsoever (will still need to see how I pull up tomorrow though).

It was easy....for the first 30 seconds, then my lungs started complaining but got through to a minute. It's the fastest I've ever been able to go on the treadmill. There's only two more levels to go up! I kept up the intervals (3 fast walk/1 min run) for another 15 minutes before I excitedly ran inside to tell the children.

However, my new found athleticism was not without incident and harsh lessons learned. These lessons were :

1. If you have lost a significant amount of weight, adjust your sports bra accordingly or risk being beaten severely around the head and shoulders by your own tits.

2. Remember to do your pelvic floor exercises, because at one stage I was sure my fucking uterus was going to fall out.

No, seriously.