Friday, January 16, 2009

My use by date

So I'm sitting here sucking on a Corona after recovering from another SCORCHING day here in Perth. 42 f*cking degrees.!!! Thing is, this isn't just an occasional occurrence, it happens day after day over here. In for a bit of a cooler change over the next week (30's) but up again after that and it will basically be hot til April.
I don't care about exercise or calories or anything today quite frankly. Work sucked as the aircon was rattling so badly I had to stick tissue in my ears.... and then my brain couldn't breathe and I felt like my head was going to explode so I went home at lunchtime.
Managed to get an hour or two recovery at home in the 'sweat box' and then the 2 hour round trip to take the kids to their dad's place in Mandurah for the weekend. But, I made it back and I'm here with my beer and my laptop recovering.
I haven't had a beer in a long time. I don't know when (or why) I stopped drinking it. When did I start drinking wine instead of beer - and what was I thinking?? This is absolute heaven. I don't drink very often and this has really hit the spot.
I was looking forward to this beer for a few days as I had an unfortunate incident with another beer earlier in the week. It had been another day in the high 30's and I was absolutely knackered. I rummaged through the fridge looking for a Zero Coke (of which there were none) and spotted a Toohey's Blue that had been in there for a while. I cracked it open and flopped down on the couch to enjoy. Needless to say I was crushed beyond belief when I discovered said beer tasted like perfume...yes perfume! I don't know what the hell was going on...even though the after taste was of beer, the initial taste was of perfume, a sickly sweet chemical taste. Hmm....let's just check the use by date...December 2006!!! OMG! And then I remembered....
It was January 2005 and I'd met a fella. We'd had a few dates and the Toohey's Blue was a left over beer he'd brought over on one of our get togethers. Unfortunately things didn't last long as he told me on Valentine's day that he was getting back with his ex girlfriend who had announced she was pregnant with his child.....so that sucked majorly. Anyway, I'd kept the beer in the fridge all that time on the off chance I would be entertaining a 'gentleman caller'.
Now we've established previously that I haven't had sex since 5th February, 2005 between approximately 10pm and 10.05pm (with said Valentine's wanker) and that f*cking beer has been sitting there since then! What was I thinking? What the hell was I saving it for? I wasted a perfectly good alcoholic beverage! I feel quite pathetic and ashamed. I should have either drunk it or thrown it away.
Even more tragic is the 11 expired condoms in my bedside table drawer...oh and don't even get me started on the state of the KY Jelly!


Geeez...what's going to expire next - my vagina?????

5 comments:

Kerry W said...

What about one of those vibrators with all the bells and whistles? Just remember to change the 'expired' batteries...ha...ha...ha!

You really know how to give me a good belly laugh Frankie. :)

Frankie said...

Well glad you can have a laugh Miss "I've got a hot body AND a husband!"

I've got one of those bloody vibrators and it's not the same, I want a big hairy man who smells like Brut 33! he he he

SLAP...*ouch*

Ok well maybe just a little hairy....

PS - I have re-chargeable batteries.....now if I could just recharge my V-J-J....

Top End Girl said...

God Frankie, I nearly spat my Pepsi Max all over my computer screen! Internet dating darling - I swear by it. You get your wankers and losers, (and guys that take you on a first date bowling and turn up in pluggers, mullet and a plumbers crack) but it does expose you to people. That's how I met my gorgeous fella, and my sister met hers. Erika

Top End Girl said...

PS, I heard 'the rabbit' is the best of all!!!!! Supposedly better than a man??? Maybe not.

Frankie said...

Yeah Erika, been there done that. I started internet dating after I split with my husband and for the first..I don't know about 4 years. I went on nearly 30 dates (serial dater!.

I gradually dated less and less as the weight crept up and then when I started studying I just didn't even think about it...

I may go there again, but not while I'm this weight as I have no confidence. But by the time I lose the weight I will be studying again...hmmmm...what to do..what to do...?