Good Frankie

I'm so pleased with myself at the moment. It was frikkin' cold in Perth last night and I actually dragged myself out to the shed to do weights and some cardio at 8pm. The shed can't be warmed up either. The eaves are open so the wind howls through and at one stage I thought the bloody roof was going to blow off.

I can NOT believe I was motivated enough to get out there. I guess I'm trying to analyse the crap out of everything but I want to hold onto this. I don't want to go back to the way I was before....the way I've always been. Where I will use ANY excuse not to workout.

My nutrition seems to be sorting itself out nicely (another first) but I've always been inconsistent with the exercise. I know my FM has a lot to do with it but still, I've never WANTED to exercise so much. I just make time for it. If something comes up suddenly, like it did yesterday, I will just suck it up and work around it. Even if it means getting out in the freezing cold shed til after 9pm.

Today's workout is also done and dusted and I'm ready to feed the brats, have a shower and then make myself a cheese and caramelised onion omelette..mmmmm.

I am SO luvin' myself sick right now (as Jude would say....at least I think it was Jude....was it Jude?)

What was I saying?

 I seemed to have kicked the weekend blues. Had a relaxing, kid free weekend and did a lot of organising and planning for when uni starts. The tentative timetable for semester 2 is out and it worked out perfectly. I already work Tues/Wed/Thurs and turns out my lectures/tutorials are on Mondays and Fridays. Will be a busy time - *gulp*.

That's about it. No drama in my life this week, but I do have a date with a firefighter, as soon as we can both get our timetables to sync up. Apart from all the creepy guys who want to date me the only other guys who contacted me on the dating sites were two 37 year old firefighters..bit of a co-incidence so took it as a sign (this was before I took my profile off).

One is 7'3" tall and looks like a bit of a bogan so giving him a miss (seriously...I measured it..221cm - that's taller than my door frame!). The other is 5'11" and seems very nice. Might be too nice though. He actually keeps telling me he's nice so that's a worry. I don't mind 'nice' but I need some bad underneath..ya know?

I'm outta here.

Fast and Furious Friday

So first there was 'The Fast and the Furious'....then there was '2Fast and 2 Furious'...

Now there is 'Fast and Furious' (I mean seriously, they've given up even trying).

Cars are a YAWN to me. No intention of watching this one, 'til I saw the Manflesh that will be exuding from my DVD player. Putting it on my 'must see' list now.

Thanks Vin...thanks Paul.

Fast, furious...and wet.

Michael Jackson

I grew up with Michael Jackson. I was in high school when he released his first solo album. Youtube won't let me embed any of his clips so pop over to the Michael Jackson channel today and have a listen.

Here's one of my favourites Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough.

I'm sad. I didn't think I would be, considering the bizarre direction his life took..but I am.

Internet dating sucketh majorly

*****WARNING - RANT ALERT*****

What the hell was I thinking???

Gawd it's just awful..and I've not even gone on an actual date! My profile's only been up 36 hours and I'm over it.

I used to do it. But I was a bit younger then. It's suddenly become all weird and icky. And do you know why? MY AGE.

I may be 44 but I don't feel it. Unfortunately the only guys who are interested in women over 40 seem to be men nearing 50!

Sorry, but I like younger guys......it's a fact. Even when I started internet dating at 36 I somehow always ended up younger men. I think I only went on 2 dates out of about 25, where the guy was older than me.

Now, it's just bloody depressing. I'm not dating an old guy. Seriously, I'm getting emails and 'kisses' from guys who look like grandads to me. And these guys are only mid to late 40's!

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with guys that age, if you are already with them. I know many of you have fabulous hubbies in that age range. My ex is 48. I met him when he was 30 when he was hot..now he's not. But if you age WITH someone it's totally different (and of course you're in love with them so it doesn't matter).

Now, the majority of guys under 40 won't even consider a woman over 40..even if she's got a really cute, cheeky photo and amusing bio.

I know I'm sounding like a superficial cow but sex and sensuality are a big part of who I am. I NEED to be really attracted to someone physically. That's not to say that other things don't matter. I need mental stimulation just as much. If you're hot and a dumbass you won't last long around me. I don't care about material crap. I'm the one that usually ends up with the starving artist type or musician...I just need a very BIG spark to start with or I'm just not interested.

Internet dating is not my first choice of how to meet someone, but since I met my husband through a friend at the pub 1990, I've not met anyone else, any other way. Everyone bags internet dating but seriously....how they hell else am I going to meet someone?? I don't get chatted up at the pub. I haven't met anyone at work or at uni. Seriously - HOW???

Fuckit. I'm sick as a dog and got a house inspection tomorrow and all I'm doing is checking email to see which creepy guy is undressing me with his eyes now. Brrrrrr.

Yes, yes I know. I should just go about my normal little life and Mr Fuckingawesomely Wonderful will just leap out and whisk me away to domestic bliss.

Pfft!

EDIT - after a cup of tea and a lie down I've decided I need to be the one doing the 'contacting'. I've just been sitting on my arse and waiting for younger guys to miraculously come across my profile, which is impossible if their search parameters stop at 40.

There's quite a few guys on there I like the look of but I'm too chicken to contact them. I don't like rejection. I will work on my fat loss some more and then go crazy on there. Yes..ok, that sounds like a plan. If I want Man Flesh, I will have to just go out and get me some. I will become the hunter...not the hunted.

PS - BB Idiot has blocked me from seeing his profile. I don't know why...

Australian Idol, Hell & Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Yawn...morning.

Still recovering from my late night Friday after going out with a bunch of friends for mine and Little Lulu's birthdays.

First on the agenda was Ellington's Jazz Club. Not quite what we were expecting but lots of fun nevertheless, mostly due to the great company. As I mentioned the other day, I'm not into jazz but the show was a guy doing lots of 'crooner' type songs, ya know, Frank Sinatra, Deano...that sorta stuff and I couldn't help but groove out a little (the more vodka...the more groovin').

My girlfriends and I spent the evening trying to decide which member of the band was the cutest (the consensus was the double bass player who we named 'Fingers', with the trumpet player coming in a close second).

The drummer was...interesting. Lara Croft pointed out that he did indeed bear a striking resemblance to Phillip Seymour Hoffman. We spent the rest of the night trying to figure out if he was undressing us with his eyes or just going cross-eyed trying to read the music.

I caught up with some friends who I hadn't seen for a couple of months and was thrilled when they commented on how 'fabulous' I was looking (I was around 8kg heavier last time I saw them). I repaid their kind comments by making them listen to the whole 'Idiot Formerly know as Blockbuster Guy' story from scratch, which they seemed to enjoy, especially the bit when Lara Croft, Mowgli and I did a re-enactment of the shopping centre 'incident'.

The group split up around 11pm with Little Lulu et al heading off to an Irish Pub and Lara Croft, Mowgli and I trotting off to a bar called...'Deville's'. That's it..the photo above.

It's a kitsch little dance club/bar that has a 60's theme which revolves around..Hell. There's devils, a volcano, go-go girls in cages, obscure 60's and 70's clips on the big screen with music to match. Bizarrely, the DJ was Courtney Murphy, of Australian Idol fame (or not). Don't know quite how he landed that gig. His choice in music ranged from totally groovin' to absolute crap and we left when our dance shoes got bored..sometime after 1am, and was tucked up in bed shortly after 2.

Yesterday was quiet. Crumbed chicken breast stuffed with Camembert, followed by mud cake for my birthday lunch at mums and then home to crash on the couch and watch dvd's with the boy.

Got bored around 9pm and noticed BB Idiot was online at RSVP. Did you know that if you try to log in to RSVP with your username and get the password wrong 3 times you get locked out? I managed to get BB Idiot locked out and I went to bed all happy and feeling like I'd really accomplished something.

.....44.....

Well I'm 44 today and I hope I'm at least some of those things.

Having a pretty quiet day today. Kids got me a cd (Muse's album) and a lovely card (won't talk about the huge fight they had last night about who should write the card and wrap it). I also got a beautiful ring in the mail just now from my buddy Samantha.

My friend the lovely Little Lulu and I have birthdays a week apart so we usually have a joint celebration. This year it's her choice so we are going to a Jazz Club on Friday night. Not really into Jazz myself but it's the company that will make it fun. A great bunch of people coming, including my mates Lara Croft, Mowgli and Spiffo so should be hilarious as usual.

Then, to mum's for birthday lunch on Saturday (and yes, it will involve carbs!).

So.....I sat back and thought about how far I've come since this time last year and I think I'm ok with where I'm at right now.

Last year I was 10kg heavier. I was also at a real low as far as health goes. I actually had an exam on my birthday and was extremely stressed from studying 3 units that semester and felt as though I was going to totally lose the plot. (I did start semester 2 but withdrew in August.)

It was June last year that I decided I really needed to do something about my health and fitness and signed up with Ideal Bodies Online in July, which is what has ultimately been a huge turning point for me and the ripple effect has enriched my life immensely.

Fellow bloggies who started their IBO program with me were Kerry, Rach and Tracey. We didn't have blogs back then but it was through their friendship and encouragement that I started blogging and now I can't imagine my day without it. I love the friendships I have made. Even though only in cyberspace now, I hope one day to catch up with some of you in the flesh.

I'm crapping on a bit but the gist of it is that my life is a lot better now than it was this time last year, and hopefully it will be even better next year.

Oh and another thing. Last year I hadn't had sex since 5 February, 2005 between 10pm and 10.05pm. He he....this year I had my 'sex clock' set back to zero..and that's also a good thing ;o)

Edit - I just got to work and my gorgeous workmates got me pressies! My girlfriend - formerly known as Ms Moneypenny - got me a beautiful ceramic picture frame and some wrinkle cream (yes..I think it's a hint). Mowgli, Lara Croft, Spiffo and the rest got me.....2 DVD Star Trek Boxed sets!! The Time Travel Fan Collection and the BORG Fan Collection. Yippee! More stuff to watch on the treadmill!

Blue

Been feeling a little blue for the last couple of days. Actually it's not the last couple of days...it's weekends.

I used to love the weekends that my kids went off to their dad's. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and just kicked back and did nothing..or something. It didn't matter, it was just SPACE.

I've loved my free weekends for a while, but when I think back, it's mostly since I stopped dating a few years ago. When I started studying and began really enjoying being just me, my weekends were just fine.

But when I was dating, I remember them as being depressing. Sitting at home drinking and smoking and searching the net for Mr Wonderful. Going on tragic dates with complete knobs or being rejected by guys I liked.

So, now I feel like that again. Ever since BB Idiot. It sucks how one stupid guy can get me into that headspace again. It's not even about him. I was perfectly happy before I met him but now I've started to feel that "I'm never going to meet anyone and I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life" panic creeping in again - and I hate it.

I just want things to go back to normal. I want to sit back and say to my friends..."Gawd, who needs a man, I'm SO happy being single," again, but right now I feel old, decrepid and desperate and I don't quite know how to snap out of it.

Anyway, no biggie. That's just how I'm feeling today. Coulda kept it to myself but I thought I'd get it out so I can look back some day and think about what a dickhead I'm being at the moment.

Playing this loud at the moment

It's gorgeous day in Perth and I spent a bit of time this morning doing one of my favourite things...driving around with the window down and the music loud.

This is one of my favourites at the moment. It's 'Supermassive Black Hole' by Muse. If you've seen the Twilight movie you may recognise it from the baseball scene. .

Hope everyone's enjoying their weekend.

PS - turn the volume up!

BB Idiot Encounter...

Oh my god, where-to-start? I'm still laughing.

Ok, so I went to see Terminator Salvation with a few friends this morning. The cinema is beside a big shopping complex and after the movie (which was awesome by the way....but not as awesome as the new Star Trek movie of course), me and two of my buddies, let's call them Ghandi (actually now I've decided to call him Mowgli) and Lara Croft, decided to have a quick bite to eat before we left.

So, we're walking through the mall towards the food hall when who should come skulking along but BB Idiot! He was coming straight for us. At precisely that moment everything went into slow motion...much like in one of the Matrix movies.

I was busy walking along, chatting away to my friends about how this was the first Friday movie during which I hadn't got a text from the loser, when I spot him. He was busy texting someone and when he looked up - I didn't know what the hell to do. I didn't have time to pull out my phone and show him that picture of me giving him the finger so I just pulled a face. Fuck I'm a dickhead. Seriously, the face I pulled was like one of those little bitches on Mean Girls, but when they're like - 12.

I look over at Lara Croft and she's pointing her finger at him with her mouth WIDE open. She doesn't know him from a bar of soap but I'd shown her his profile on RSVP and she recognised him straight away (the Blockbuster t-shirt was a bit of a giveaway too). Mowgli however, was oblivious.

So I'm freaking out, Lara Croft is freaking out, Mowgli is wondering why we are freaking out and BB Idiot is probably wishing he'd not taken a lunch break today at all. I didn't notice how he reacted to it all but Lara Croft assured me he saw BOTH of us and looked kinda...well, embarrassed and somewhat disturbed (at least that's what I got from her re-enactment of his facial expression at the time).

Mowgli said - "He didn't look as big as you described him". Lara Croft said - "He didn't look as tall as you described him", and I said - "Jeez....I remember him being a lot better looking last week".

I don't think I've laughed so much in my life. We discussed the event ad nauseum until I ended up laughing so much I was crying, and peeing my pants was gonna be next. Gawd it was frikkin' hilarious. It's moments like those, that I totally love being...me.

So, I guess I'm going to run into him from time to time as he is a local. It doesn't bother me too much but I think it probably bothers him, especially when it's not only me but my nutty friends he has to deal with.

Oh well....that'll teach him to crap in his own backyard...

Local Hotness

Looking forward to seeing Terminator Salvation with a bunch of friends tomorrow. Here's one of the reasons why ;o) Yummy Sam Worthington (a gorgeous Perth boy). This is a special request for Kerry. Sorry, couldn't find any shirtless shots but there is a wet one.

Bread

I ate bread and butter, bread and butter and golden syrup, bread and butter and vegemite, bread and butter and peanut butter, and bread and butter and jam.

I kept thinking "what would Sarah Connor do?" but decided she would probably also like a muesli bar.

I think I put on about 2kg overnight. Let's just call in post BB Guy carb loading and forget about it shall we?

The end.

Quickie

Just a quickie this morning as I've got the day off work and have SO much to do, including sorting out my enrolment for uni for next semester (yikes!!).

All's good here and that turd I am not going to mention has just been relegated to a speck in my memory bank and it's back to business as usual today.

BTW I've put yesterday's photo into my phone as my standard response to any future texts from said dickhead.

Thanks again for all the comments :o)

Thanks guys xxxx

I just wanted to thank all you gorgeous, gorgeous ladies who commented on my last post. I am totally in love with all of you xxxx

I'm actually OK. Can't quite believe it but it's like someone flicked a switch and I'm just over it.

I must admit that as soon as I saw his profile this morning I burst into tears and had a good old howl for about 10 minutes. I phoned a couple of friends, pulled myself together and posted about it.

Then of course I read all your lovely comments and had another cry.

This isn't going to get me down. It's actually going to spur me on to be the best I can possibly be, not just 'acceptable' but exceptional. Not just with my weight/physique but with my fitness, my degree, my work and my relationships with others.

I don't want any crap in my life, just honesty, integrity ummm...oh and lots of laughter (even if it's laughing at myself and my stooopid mistakes).

Kerry, you're right. I did well to get out of it when I did. In the past I would have tried to pretend it wasn't happening and humiliate myself even further.

Miss Katie, no he's not worthy of my time and I don't intend to waste one more minute on him (and I'm going to Civic from now on!!)

Caz, no I won't close myself off. I just won't go looking for it. I'm quite happy to trip over it accidentally though, and yes...I AM a good stalker ;o)

Rach, that is SO what I intend to do. He will be spewing when he sees me this summer, sauntering into the Sci Fi aisle (the only time I will go to Blockbuster again mind you).

Jude, you are right, I was never comfortable with it and my instincts were pretty good. I love that word 'fucktard'. It's in my Fifi Dictionary now.

Kitty, yep this has TOTALLY spurred me on like you would not believe. Nope, not gonna let it put a dent in things at all. In fact, this could actually be a major turning point for me. I am a great believer that everything happens for a reason and I don't think this is any exception.

Tearose, yes I agree, he IS the idiot. I'm kinda realising that now :o)

And Cheryl, I saved you for last so I could say - no he's not "just the Blockbuster Guy", he's JUST THE BLOCKBUSTER GUY WHO LIVES AT HOME WITH HIS PARENTS.

Ahh....feeling a lot better now.

So, off to make a shopping list and write up a new and improved training regime for the next few weeks. Taking it up a step. Eating a little more and training a little more. Need some caps on my delts before summer.

It's June now and it's my birth month so going to make it a brilliant one!

And just mentioning again...I love you guys to bits.

Here's something for the BB Guy.

BB Guy Final Chapter

Blockbuster Guy is a lying c*nt.

He's been texting me every day.."how's it going".. "what you doing?" etc etc.

So...his profile is not on one dating site but I check out RSVP and he's on there! Brand spanking new in his new shirt he bought only 2 weeks ago.

What a fucking lying arsehole. Why are guys such gutless wonders and just can't say "I don't want to see you anymore" instead of spinning absolute CRAP??????

And I know it was my weight. It was that last weekend. We had sex in fucking bright light (cellulite's worst enemy) and it was after that he lost interest. His old profile said he was looking for women 27 to 44. Now he's changed that to 27 to 40 and only looking for slim or athletic women. I knew it.

On one hand I feel I'm an idiot for setting up the meeting with him, the guy I've liked for years, when I was at my absolute worst physically. But, then think that if he actually liked me as a person, he wouldn't care. Either way, not dating again for very long time. I don't need sympathy, I just need a fucking boot to the head.

Just texted him and told him he's a liar and to never contact me again.

The FUCKING END.

PS - Yes, I'm an idiot.