Been feeling a little blue for the last couple of days. Actually it's not the last couple of days...it's weekends.
I used to love the weekends that my kids went off to their dad's. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and just kicked back and did nothing..or something. It didn't matter, it was just SPACE.
I've loved my free weekends for a while, but when I think back, it's mostly since I stopped dating a few years ago. When I started studying and began really enjoying being just me, my weekends were just fine.
But when I was dating, I remember them as being depressing. Sitting at home drinking and smoking and searching the net for Mr Wonderful. Going on tragic dates with complete knobs or being rejected by guys I liked.
So, now I feel like that again. Ever since BB Idiot. It sucks how one stupid guy can get me into that headspace again. It's not even about him. I was perfectly happy before I met him but now I've started to feel that "I'm never going to meet anyone and I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life" panic creeping in again - and I hate it.
I just want things to go back to normal. I want to sit back and say to my friends..."Gawd, who needs a man, I'm SO happy being single," again, but right now I feel old, decrepid and desperate and I don't quite know how to snap out of it.
Anyway, no biggie. That's just how I'm feeling today. Coulda kept it to myself but I thought I'd get it out so I can look back some day and think about what a dickhead I'm being at the moment.