Sunday, June 14, 2009


Been feeling a little blue for the last couple of days. Actually it's not the last couple of's weekends.

I used to love the weekends that my kids went off to their dad's. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and just kicked back and did nothing..or something. It didn't matter, it was just SPACE.

I've loved my free weekends for a while, but when I think back, it's mostly since I stopped dating a few years ago. When I started studying and began really enjoying being just me, my weekends were just fine.

But when I was dating, I remember them as being depressing. Sitting at home drinking and smoking and searching the net for Mr Wonderful. Going on tragic dates with complete knobs or being rejected by guys I liked.

So, now I feel like that again. Ever since BB Idiot. It sucks how one stupid guy can get me into that headspace again. It's not even about him. I was perfectly happy before I met him but now I've started to feel that "I'm never going to meet anyone and I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life" panic creeping in again - and I hate it.

I just want things to go back to normal. I want to sit back and say to my friends..."Gawd, who needs a man, I'm SO happy being single," again, but right now I feel old, decrepid and desperate and I don't quite know how to snap out of it.

Anyway, no biggie. That's just how I'm feeling today. Coulda kept it to myself but I thought I'd get it out so I can look back some day and think about what a dickhead I'm being at the moment.


Pizza Gal said...

Hey!!! You!!! Never call yourself old or desperate or dickhead!

I know you're feeling blue. However, you need to be reminded that you are a lovely beautiful woman!

I won't say snap out of it, cos feeling this way will pass in its own time.
What makes you feel good Frankie? (other than food booze sex hehehe)cos if there is something that makes you feel good right now, just go and do that...xoxo

Caz said...

you seem like such an amazing and powerful woman.
You shouldn't let that BB asshole get you down.
I know, I know easier said than done right?

My assvice?
Do something for you, just for you.
A massage, or a pedicure, or taking a long drive to somewhere you find peaceful.

Something simple that will lift you out of the little ditch your sitting in.

Something that will remind you how strong you are.

Kerry W said...

Hey Frankie

Sorry to hear you are feeling blue...and as Em says, the feeling will pass.

I think that you just need to continue on the path you have taken. You are making such wonderful progress. Your confidence is gaining all the time, and I think you just need to go out and continue to make plans and live life.

You have so much to offer, and as you live life to the fullest, then I truly believe you will attract the person who will appreciate your wonderful strengths, beauty and gifts.

Tearose said...

Your not a dickhead, I would probably be feeling the same dam way. Just know your an amazing beautiful woman! Screw him! I hope you feel better soon!

Nicole said...

Hey Frankie. You're not a dickhead. Just human. Don't deny what you're feeling. Allow it, then say to yourself - OK, felt that.... NEXT ! What you're thinking will directly affect your mood, so catch your thoughts before they get out of hand and replace them with all the thoughts that make you happy. Because you deserve only happiness :)

Frankie said...

Thanks Guys. I really don't know what's come over me. I haven't focussed on men for SO long (apart from my usual pervy nature) and for them to suddenly be at the front of my brain space was not planned and quite a shock actually (to revert to old negative thoughts).

Well I did do something for myself today but it wasn't a pedicure or anything it was to give the kitchen and pantry a HUGE clean up. I know, I know, but it's made me feel really good. I was getting really slack with cooking cos the kitchen is so cramped and small and hard to keep tidy so now I'm cooking up a storm!

Thanks for all the lovely comments. I'm feeling better now. Hopefully next few weekends will be different and then uni will start and I won't have time to mope around :o)

Flea said...

So strange that you write that where as here I grave a quiet alone weekend!! MY space I need. YOu know what, it might just come when you are least expecting it too. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, luckily this blue feeling will pass again. I know, been there :-)

Frankie said...

Hi Flea. Yeah, I'm sure it will pass too :o)