Incarceration

Absolutely loving my work weigh-ins at the moment. Another 1kg down this week and the thick black line on the graph is pointing down down down.

Nothing much else to report today other than a temporary privacy issue I am still trying to sort out which forced me to make my blog go private for a bit (if you blinked you probably missed it).

Was a bit worried about BB Guy finding my blog but decided BUGGER IT.

Hey you!!! If you are reading this I've had a big fat crush on you for 6 years..ok????!!! And I kinda like you so pull your finger out and call me this weekend....geez.

Got a bad headcold at the moment. Haven't really done any significant exercise for a week and my diet has been sub-par. Came home from work early yesterday and spent the afternoon dosed up on cold pills and watching Prison Break.

Here's a couple of reasons why.

Busted majorly

WARNING - VOMIT ALERT - do not read if you get nauseated at my constant BB Guy dramas 'cos I'm getting slightly mental about it and it's only gonna get worse.

Man I SO got busted last night. About 6pm I get this text from Blockbuster Guy - "I can't believe you went to Civic!"...um....GULP.

"...who me?" - desperately trying to figure out how he knew I'd gone to Civic for my Prison Break supply. Was he stalking ME now???

"Civic DVD in my case grrrrrr"....

Oh.... faaark.

So, I went to Civic on Tuesday as I'd watched the Prison Break DVDs and wanted another fix. I didn't want to go to Blockbuster as I still hadn't heard anything from him about the note so I was embarrassed and such. So...got a few out from Civic.

Then, when I went to play a DVD yesterday afternoon I noticed a Prison Break DVD in the player. I'd forgotten I'd already watched one of the Civic ones and assumed it was from Blockbuster, thinking I must have returned an empty case.....I hadn't. I ran in and returned it to girl at counter not realising it was the wrong f*cking DVD store.

So...busted majorly. I explained that I had gone to Civic 'cos I didn't want to stress him out and he said that I didn't stress him out (hmm...that's good). Then he enquired as to whether I'd done it on purpose. Oh yeah...I was sending him a 'message' that I'm now having it off with the Civic Guy...hahaha...idiot.

We then texted back and forth for about 3 hours. Not looking forward to my mobile bill.

The End.

BB Guy Update

I've been putting off doing a BB Guy update for a while now as I just didn't know what the hell was going on. So...here's the gos'.

Basically he hasn't contacted me since the non-sleepover. He's replied to a couple of texts and that's it. I've consulted EVERYONE I know and bored them to death with all the details and, taking on board what everyone has said (including you lovely bloggies) and I did something. I wrote a note...well actually it was more like a letter. I know, I know....letters are daggy and pathetic but it wasn't that sort. It was just a nice note saying that it was obvious something was up and that if it was all his marriage break up stuff, I've been there and done that etc ..blah blah blah..all very kind and caring and understanding and that he knows where I am when and if he's ready.

I delivered it to him at Blockbuster on Monday morning. He looked a wreck. I started out by lingering around the Prison Break dvd's (my new addiction) and he was on his way over to talk to me but I'd already started making my way back to the counter and we got stuck awkwardly half way where we couldn't really talk without the chick at the counter getting an earful. We exchanged "how are you's" and apparently he's been 'busy'..(well who the fuck hasn't?). I just gave him the note and left.

I didn't hear a bloody thing from him ALL Monday but finally got an SMS last night at around 10.30pm (I thought he might need a few drinks to be able to actually communicate with me). He thanked me for the note and said that he was dealing with some stuff at the moment that he didn't want to drag anyone else into (a big fat poo cherry no doubt). We exchanged a couple of texts. He said that it wasn't what I thought and that he was having a really hard time at the moment so I told him that's fine and that I'm here if he needs someone to talk to.

So, that's it. It was actually a BIG thing for him to say all that, believe it or not. He's not one to mention stress or shit that is happening so for him to actually tell me as much as he did (even though so little) was a big step. Although it probably means we won't be seeing each other anymore but I feel better now knowing it wasn't anything I said or did (and he's taken his profile off the dating site so doesn't look like he's looking anymore). I'm trying hard not to go into "poor baby let me fix you" mode but I'm struggling not to.

I've got a whole free weekend this week for the first time in ages and it would be nice to spend it with some Man Flesh but I won't stalk him right now....poor baby (oops).

I will not...

...drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk test him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him. I will not drunk text him.

Sleepover

Ok so BB Guy took me to dinner Saturday night. Had a lovely time etc etc etc..........( he he...ok insert *mind blowing sex* HERE). Fast forward and we're both in my bed all snug and warm in my new flannelette sheets. Then he asks "Am I allowed to sleep over?". FAAAAARRRRKKKK!

Um..that would be NO. I felt like I needed to give him some sort of explanation so I mumbled something about it freaking me out (the whole frikkin' thing is freaking me out). He asked if it was because he was "The Blockbuster Guy" (aw diddums). I told him of course not and that it was just because I haven't had anyone over for a sleepover in a LONG time. I told him that I also felt like I hardly knew him as he doesn't give away much about himself and seemed a little secretive about stuff. He agreed that he was and understood.

Then I started waffling on a bit cos I had PMS and was a little emotional.....until I realised he'd frikkin' fallen asleep! And not just light napping, like-a-log. A big warm, cuddly log in my bed. Bugger it...I decided to just go to sleep...but sleep was not what I got.

Not only did he snore VERY loudly but there was this other noise..something I've never heard before, kinda like a werewolf impaled on a stake and being gnawed on by vampires...ya know what I mean? ..gawd it was awful. I elbowed him in the spine a few times and tried to make him roll over but it kept coming back. Jeeezuzzzzz! So, attempted to sleep for a while. A couple of hours later he woke up, realised he'd fallen asleep and got dressed to leave. He was quite sweet and apologised as he wanted to respect my wishes so he kissed me and left.

There. I know..boring shit but it was weird and freaky for me and now I don't know what I'm doing. I'm really really not good at this. I could tell he was a little hurt. In the morning I kinda wished he was here to sit on my couch and have a cuppa.

Breathe Frankie.....breathe.

Busy!

So just got back from a haircut, voted against daylight savings (hate it with a passion), did the shopping. Now gotta pay bills, clean house, do the washing, get me and the girl ready for her "Rollerskating Hippy Birthday Party', go to the party, drop her at mum's, race back here and get changed before BB Guy picks me up for dinner (yes he's still hanging around ;oD ).

Had a major panic attack when realised I have NOTHING to wear but randomly grabbed a pair of size 14 black casual pants off the back of my door and tried them on. THEY FIT! And that's not all - I can wear my Rusty's now. Still a bit of an overhang but quite respectable. I don't fit into any of my size 14 jeans yet so there will be no burning/chopping/ballooning of the my size 16's just now but just so relieved that I've got two pairs of pants I can wear to work, the pub, whatever. Yippee!

Hope everyone's having a great weekend so far!

13 years ago today.....

......I was in immense f*king pain!!!!!!

But look what I made........

A teenager!

Happy 13th Birthday Beautiful Girl xxxxx

PS - I hope to God you don't actually read my blog.

Simmering

Things are still simmering along nicely with BB Guy. This weekend is supposed to be a free one for me but my daughter is having her 13th birthday party so I've got her with me for most of it. Mum has offered to look after her Saturday night after the party so I can hopefully get in some alone time my hot manflesh then. No idea where this is going but will just do what feels good at the time and see what happens. I predict it may involve nakedness....

Lazy Sunday Ramblings

Well I've had a very lazy Sunday morning so far. Tea in bed...tea and more tea (I like tea). My daughter is just dying to cook me a mushroom omelette but I'm not hungry at all and have to be at my mum's in a couple of hours for lunch. Bugger it..she's really keen so I'll just force it down, no maybe she can cook me an omelette for dinner.

It's been quite a nice, social weekend. BB Guy popped over late Friday night on his way home from drinks and dinner with a mate (no that's not code for 'skinny blonde'). He just asked if he could stop by on his way home to say hi. The kids were still up, hogging the lounge so we sat on the front porch for an hour and had a chat (me looking highly attractive in my pink dressing gown and purple ugg boot slippers). He's VERY sweet. I'm sure he's not married now. I think he's moved in with his folks after the break up and is too embarrassed to admit it. I'm seeing him again next weekend (kid free night) so I'll put my interrogation cap on then and get it out of him.

I must mention that he's been so polite, respectful...I can't think of any other words..he's just NICE. I'm liking the combination. After the hot night we had Saturday, there's not been one dirty text message or any sexual innuendo. It's just really refreshing...and....nice :o)

Enough about HIM....so, anyway, a few friends came round last night. A couple of my fellow sci fi geeks from work invited themselves over to watch movies and test out my new stimulus/FBT/Rudd big screen TV. I ate pizza AND dessert and the scales haven't moved this morning so very happy about that...although my first goal looks a little too far to achieve right now. I'd have to lose 1.4kg by Tuesday...ummmm don't think so. But, will wait til Tuesday and depending on where I sit, will adjust the time frame a little to be more realistic. Still very happy with how it's going. Getting so close to the 70's!!!

Anyway, during the evening Ms L kept saying how different I was...all happy and bubbly and..happy. I had to keep stressing that it's NOT BB Guy that's doing it but the keto diet I'm on. It's given me such energy and such a feeling of well being (which is what it does). If I hadn't been on this diet there is no way in hell I would have met up with BB Guy in the first place. I was feeling miserable, tired and apathetic. It was awful. I put on a brave front but I was feeling CRAP up until a month ago. I feel like a different person now.

Ok....I need to summon a child for MORE TEA! Then drag myself over to mum's for lunch.

Hope all you mums are getting some attention today.

Diary of a Stalker

Sunday 3rd May, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today I snuck up on the checkout guy at IGA. I didn't mean to. He said I must be a Ninja...... How did he know?

The end.

--------------------

Monday 4th May, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today I used the White Pages and Google Street View to try and find out where BB Guy lives. I concluded that he must live with his parents - or is still married. Either way, that would kinda suck. No wonder he may or may not have a drinking problem.

The end.

--------------------

Tuesday 5th May, 2009

Dear Diary,

Despite wanting BB Guy to bugger off and not bother me, my urge to stalk is strong. I drove past Blockbuster twice today to see if he was there...he was not. I concluded that he was obviously dating someone else...at 11am and 3pm on a weekday.....

The end.

--------------------

Wednesay 6th May, 2009

Dear Diary,

I got annoyed at BB Guy today cos he kept texting me. I ignored him as I was watching a TV show about serial killers and was trying to pick up some pointers on stalking. I think I need to set some BOUNDARIES. Stalkers need their privacy you know.

The end.

--------------------

Thurday 7th May, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today BB Guy called me from work. He explained to me over the phone, how to make a casserole. I've never made a casserole.

The end.

--------------------

Friday 8th May, 2009

Dear Diary,

I didn't hear from BB Guy today. I decided to "stalk in plain sight". I established his whereabouts by a quick Blockbuster drive-by. I marched into the front of the store and asked the girl if they had Battlestar Galactica. I knew they didn't. BB Guy made his presence known and advised that no..they did not (he knew I knew).

I wandered off to stare at DVD covers and he followed unsuspectingly. When I got to the science fiction aisle I stopped to confront him. I showed him my crappy red eye that I woke up with this morning and he asked me if I had hay fever. I said that I did not, and that I thought I was getting tonsilitis. He asked why tonsilitis would make me have a red eye. I said I didn't think it was related. Then I broke out into a cold sweat and couldn't speak properly. He'd had a haircut but hadn't shaved for a few days....just how I like it. I said I'd talk to him later and left....like a complete LOSER.

This stalking stuff is kinda confusing...

The end.

The Shed

Nothing much to report so here's some photos of my shed. I did a big clean-up on the weekend and I just love hanging out there now so thought I'd show it off. As you can see I really have no excuse whatsover not to exercise!

The deadly tready......




I got this home gym with leg press on ebay for $350 including delivery!

My original weights bench I bought back in 1985.

Have a great Friday everyone!

Criminal Acts

BB Guy texted me last night and I didn't answer him. Well...Criminal Minds was on. I ignored first text and then ignored second text a while later. I did text him before bed saying I didn't hear the phone and that I was going to bed 'cos I was knackered.

Well? It's like over a week until I could possibly have another bonk and I don't want to have to talk to him every bloody night in the meantime. I kinda feel bad. I'll text him tonight.

I need to make myself feel better....

Yep...THAT worked.

BB guy update

_____________________________________________

Now..another BB Guy update.

It's all too fucking haaaaaarrrrrd!!!! Or am I just lazy?? Who knows, but I just can't be bothered at the moment. I really do think he's got a drinking problem. He called me last night and I could hardly understand what he was saying. I asked him if he'd been drinking and he said he hadn't and that he was just tired ...but I'm not f*ing stupid.

If he's got problems with alcohol or any other substance I'm just not going to be in it. I had an alcoholic father and an ex husband who needed about 6 cans a night just to get through his awful life me with and the kids and our beautiful home ...so yeah...NOT happening.

I also think he's keeping secrets. Not sure what but he avoids a lot of questions. I don't think he's still married or anything but I did ask him how long he'd been separated and he made a bit of a joke and cunningly avoided the actual answer. I don't need fresh meat. I need a guy who's single and happy with his life and gotten over whatever shit's happened previously. Ya know?

Thing is, I'm not even upset...I'm not actually - 'anything' about it. As much as I loved the whole man-hunt, I'm not fussed as to whether it works out or not. Weird huh? Major stalker crush on the guy for 7 years and now it's......."meh".

....hmmm...although, wouldn't mind a bit more of the old horizontal dancing.....

Chinless

Well firstly I would like to say that I only just noticed that I have NO BLOODY CHIN in the photo below. What happened?? Gawd...I've got a friggin' chicken neck. I tried to look in the mirror and it didn't look as bad as that. I'm seriously freaked out by it. Hopefully another 15kg and it will be gone but in the meantime I'm making sure I only look at BB Guy front on! If it doesn't go I'm off to a surgeon (with my imaginery Lotto winnings...)

You may recall that yesterday I said "the thought of seeing him again and having him sit on my sofa and ...talk or something, just makes me start to hyperventilate". Well, last night he came over on the way home from work, after the kids were in bed, and sat on my sofa talking. Yes...I'm kinda freaked out by this too.. I also think he may have a drinking problem but might just put that down to nerves and thinking he needs a drink or two for courage around..well...ME.

No, I didn't jump him. We were very civilised and he finally recalled seeing me over the last 7 years at Blockbuster. Apparently I am "that scruffy chick who doesn't wear shoes". Umm...yes, that would be me.

We couldn't be more opposite. He never has bare feet, I avoid shoes like the plague. He doesn't like cats, I love cats. He smokes, I don't. He may drink too much, I rarely drink. He refuses to watch Sci Fi movies..I'm a total sci fi geeky nerd. He used to play footy for East Fremantle (WAFL)..I....oh that's right..I like that bit. Only thing we really have in common is that we both love to train with weights. I might have a spotter at last!

Ok...not going to go on about him anymore. Need to sus the situation out and have a think about it. Oh....AND he refuses to call me "Frankie". My family has called me Frankie since I was born. No, he insists on calling me "Frances".

________________________________________________

I'm loving the keto diet. My body must be burning SO much fat as I'm rarely hungry. In fact eating has become just something I have to remember to do 3 times a day, even if I don't feel like it. If I don't make my first goal, at least I should get very near it. Just need to work out a little more. Man distractions do NOT help ;o)

Date Report

*yawn*...morning :)

.....so where were we? That's right - BB Guy and I finished our chat yesterday afternoon and I got stuck into cleaning out the shed. I did an hour on the treadmill and thought I'd just check the dating site before I got in the shower to see if he was back on there. He was!

We chatted a little and established we were both kid free (whooooo hooooo!). He just straight up asked if I wanted to grab a drink. He only lives 5 minutes away and suggested our local pub. So it was a mad bloody rush...showered, blow dried hair, sultry makeup and out the door in 35 mins...not bad at all.

After getting lost trying to take the secret short cut to the pub....I arrived. As I walked past the window I spotted him at the bar, he saw me and flashed a big "oh it's YOU" smile in my direction.

First thing he said was that I looked nothing like my photo, but he seemed pleased nevertheless. I was pleased too. He is HUGE. Six foot tall and built like a brick shithouse. Oh my god...seriously. Not lean muscular, but stocky muscular.. like a big bear (swoon). And did I mention he's like 7 years younger than me? He he he...Frankie was VERY happy.

But...I'm a Gemini, and whether you believe in that stuff or not, one thing is true about me and it's that I love to communicate, whether writing or talking, and if I ever do have another partner, he needs to be someone who I can bounce ideas and thoughts off quickly and have them come back at me at a similar pace. BB Guy is just not that guy and he's never going to be. As much as I was attracted to his looks (and body...drool), I knew in the first 5 minutes that intellectually, it just wasn't going to be there for me...and, to be perfectly honest I kind of expected it.

He is a gorgeous, lovely guy though. He told me about his business ventures (he owns 3 Blockbuster stores) and some new ventures he wants to try. We chatted about dating, kids, ex's...ya know, the usual.

We were sitting on stools at the bar and over the two hours we were there we somehow got closer and closer til our legs were almost intertwined....and every conversation required a physical demonstration involving...touching (*goosebumps*).

Midnight - time for him to walk me to my car. We did the usual, nice meeting you, we'll have to catch up again sometime..blah di blah. Hovering...ok...don't quite want to leave yet.. both slightly awkward.....open car door...DAMMIT - reach over, grab shirt and pull him over for a good night kiss that lasted about 15 minutes. I never knew two people could get so goddam hot with a car door between them. Well ok, the car door lasted about 2 minutes the rest was soft and spongy me up against a giant mountain of a man (and loving it). At that point is was pretty clear that the night wasn't ending there.

A stranger shouting "get a room!" broke the spell and it was decided that the best course of action would be to go back to my place, with me getting a 10 minute head start to clean the toilet, throw all the dirty clothes, ironing and general crap in the spare room and spray on some more Chanel No. 19.

OMG best kisser EVER!

He arrived.....

...two hours later he left.

You can use your imagination to fill in the blanks but I'll give you a hint - IT INVOLVES INCREDIBLY HOT SEX!!!

Oh.....my.....god!

So, that was my night. As hot as it was, I'm going to make it clear to him that I'm not interested in a relationship. I got a vibe from him that he likes me...quite a lot and I'm very uncomfortable in pretending I feel the same. No, I do really like him and he would be great to have as friend and I'm going to make that clear to him. And, if he wants to be a friend who occasionally comes round when I'm kid free and warms up my bed...that's perfectly ok (well it's extremely more than ok actually). Bugger...no maybe I'll just play it by ear for a little while.....

I wasn't going to go into any of the gory details but I will say that he's not one of those guys who rolls over and goes to sleep. He chatted softly to me for a long while (as I was drifting in and out of sleepiness) kissing the back of my neck and running his big man hands all over my curvy bits. It was the most beautiful I have felt in a very long time. Bliss.

Good night kisses at the door and agreement that we should most definitely do this again.

Ten minutes later he texts - "Thanks for a great night, stalker"

EDIT - Miss Moneypenny if you are reading this please do NOT tell anyone at work that I had sex. I want to see if they think I look different and then I'll see if they can guess why.

Timeline....

9.45pm to midnight - date at pub

midnight to 12.15am - Goodbye Kiss/es

2.30am - He left my place

2.42am - blog

2.45am - bed

Date with BB guy NOW!!

FUUUUUCKKKKKK!!!!

Play by play account.....

.....ok so I get back in from cleaning the shed/gym and and onto internet dating site and there's like 200 guys who want to 'get to know me' (well ok there was 13). Anyway, there was a couple of hotties and I'm thinking that if BB guy's not interested then bugger him, I'll have one of those thanks.

I sent him another Contact Request. I'd waited ALL morning for him to accept and had come to the conclusion that he obviously doesn't want to know me and my life is therefore OVERRRR.

But, just now while I am fighting off 'nero1 from Gosnells' and 'V8Man from Bicton' who are just dying to enthral me with tales of beer drinking and pool playing.......he accepts my Contact Request. YIPPEEEEE! And then he either logs off or goes "invisible". That's ok 'cos I'm invisible myself. I just sent him a message telling him to stop lurking. No response. I think he's shy.

I seriously hope that's him. He does look a little different...but I guess I look different too. Shit, I hope he recognises me. I'm going to interrogate him straight up and make sure he knows it's me so I don't look like a dickhead.

I also accepted a contact requested from another hottie but I'm a bit worried 'cos one of his interests was "brain re-programming".

WTF?

Stand by for further updates....

Oh crap I was just about to publish this when he logged back on again.....shit.....saying something dammit . Oh fuck he's writing a thingemy!!!!

OMG we're chatting!

Hmm...ok I asked him if he recognises me. Long pause....he must be chatting to someone else or he doesn't bloody know who I am...or it's not him. GULP. Oh shit and now it says he's away. Probably the kids....maybe? Ohhh..he's back! He says "You look familiar, but I can't put a name to the face"...fuckit...he doesn't realise it's me.

Ok....I asked him if he was blockbuster guy and he said he IS but he still can't figure out who I am. I told him that I'm usually tired and bedraggled when I come in so I don't look like my photo. Faarrrk....now I'm having to give him clues. He says "ur funny". I wonder what sort of funny he thinks I am?

he he...chatting still...

Ooops...called him by his real name and now he thinks I'm a stalker. Ok I've told him now about our conversation the other day....waiting..waiting for the lightbulb moment.....

......waiting.......

he must be having a few different conversations at once.....

Oh shit he's at work!....hahahaha..he's serving customers...

He says he does remember the conversation now. Gawd...I make SUCH an impression don't I?

While we're waiting for BB to serve customers I will mention that after I said "you're blockbuster guy"...a little while later he said "I don't like being blockbuster guy"...awwwwwww

Damn BB guy just asked me if my password was _______. Shit! Now he has access to my address and all my phone numbers and knows what I like to watch!

He just said "You're a good customer". Gosh....

A bit more small talk .....he said he'd better go as he finishes at 4pm and he's got to do some actual work.

I said "ok...nice chatting to you" and he said "maybe chat later on" and I said "k".

The end.

Now.....I'm going to spend hours and hours dissecting the whole conversation that I so happen to have SAVED. Maybe he's just being polite. If he pops up online later tonight that'll be good but if he's disappointed that it's me well...that's fine too. I just can't believe that he didn't recognise me...but then again I've had a crush on him for years and to him I've just been a customer. It is hard to place someone out of context so I'll give him that much.

Anyway, I know his first name and where he works and he knows my full name, address, phone number, date of birth and taste in movies. That seems fair.

Well now I've gone and done it

I put my photo on my profile and now he's going to know it's me and that I know it's him......and I know he knows I know and I now I know that I can never go to to Blockbuster again.

Lucky I'm a member of Bigpond Movies.....

Oh my God!

I just happened to be perusing an internet dating site and guess who I found.........BLOCKBUSTER GUY!!

FAARRRRKKKKK!!!!!

He IS separated and has shared custody of his kids. He's looking for someone who likes to keep fit though, I'm gonna have to pull my finger out. So basically when he was married I was slim and now he's single I'm fat. That worked out well didn't it?

Don't quite know what to do now so I think I'll just sit here and stare longingly at his photo.

Oh crap..a thing just popped up saying he was looking at MY profile. Lucky I have no photo.

Oooops.....I accidentally sent him a contact request cos I was going to try and chat with him but couldn't figure out how...and now he'll probably reject me cos I've got no photo. What am I doing?????

I really wanted to test out my "Hi Blockbuster Guy" line on him...damn...

Gawd....how old am I? 15?

Hmmmm...number one son reckons it doesn't look like him. But he's lying down so he looks different....shit...what if it's not him? No...it's him.....oh fuck.