Friday, May 8, 2009

Diary of a Stalker

Sunday 3rd May, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today I snuck up on the checkout guy at IGA. I didn't mean to. He said I must be a Ninja...... How did he know?

The end.

--------------------

Monday 4th May, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today I used the White Pages and Google Street View to try and find out where BB Guy lives. I concluded that he must live with his parents - or is still married. Either way, that would kinda suck. No wonder he may or may not have a drinking problem.

The end.

--------------------

Tuesday 5th May, 2009

Dear Diary,

Despite wanting BB Guy to bugger off and not bother me, my urge to stalk is strong. I drove past Blockbuster twice today to see if he was there...he was not. I concluded that he was obviously dating someone else...at 11am and 3pm on a weekday.....

The end.

--------------------

Wednesay 6th May, 2009

Dear Diary,

I got annoyed at BB Guy today cos he kept texting me. I ignored him as I was watching a TV show about serial killers and was trying to pick up some pointers on stalking. I think I need to set some BOUNDARIES. Stalkers need their privacy you know.

The end.

--------------------

Thurday 7th May, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today BB Guy called me from work. He explained to me over the phone, how to make a casserole. I've never made a casserole.

The end.

--------------------

Friday 8th May, 2009

Dear Diary,

I didn't hear from BB Guy today. I decided to "stalk in plain sight". I established his whereabouts by a quick Blockbuster drive-by. I marched into the front of the store and asked the girl if they had Battlestar Galactica. I knew they didn't. BB Guy made his presence known and advised that no..they did not (he knew I knew).

I wandered off to stare at DVD covers and he followed unsuspectingly. When I got to the science fiction aisle I stopped to confront him. I showed him my crappy red eye that I woke up with this morning and he asked me if I had hay fever. I said that I did not, and that I thought I was getting tonsilitis. He asked why tonsilitis would make me have a red eye. I said I didn't think it was related. Then I broke out into a cold sweat and couldn't speak properly. He'd had a haircut but hadn't shaved for a few days....just how I like it. I said I'd talk to him later and left....like a complete LOSER.

This stalking stuff is kinda confusing...

The end.

6 comments:

Kerry W said...

Ha..ha...you are seriously twisted!

Can't wait for the next instalment of 'The Frankie Diaries - My LIfe as a Stalker'. :)

Frankie said...

The scary thing Kerry is that most of it's true...I've NEVER cooked a casserole!!!

Kitty said...

i have never cooked a casserole either. we should start a fartbook group for dumb bitches like us who have never performed the most basic domestic activity, such as making a casserole.

why make one? who eats them? i don't.

as for bb guy. if he won't supply an address he is LYING and he is probably still married. that is my vote. i hope i'm wrong

x

Flea said...

Can I say you made me smile again!
Seriously you are a bad girl!! Make up your mind LOL.
Casserole my style is just cook it all together in a big pot! Tadaaaaa.
Love your shed.

Raechelle said...

You crack me up girl!
Looking forward to more journal entries-LOL!

Frankie said...

haha...yeah Kitty. Apparently I missed the "how to cook casserole and be a good wife" memo!

Mind you I only had a quick flick through the "how to be a good mother and not damage your kids for life" memo also...


Flea...I caaaaan't. I'm confused (and BAD). He he.. I need more sex before I can make up my mind.


No worries Raechelle. Have car and laptop..will stalk (and tell).